


Beautiful Fucking Disasters

by Deansy



Series: American English [6]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015), Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, BDSM, Collars, Dean in Panties, Dirty Talk, Dom!Eggsy, Humiliation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Loathing, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Toys, Spanking, Sub!Dean, Subdrop, Subspace, beach, planetarium - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-05-25 23:51:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 73,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6215116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deansy/pseuds/Deansy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Dean, look at me,” Eggsy said, grabbing Dean’s chin. “You’re a good person. You are. You’re kind an’ loyal, an’ sweet. An’ you love me. Gotta be a good person to do tha’.”</p><p>Dean still couldn’t meet Eggsy’s eyes. “Easy to love you. Doesn’t make me a good man. Done too much shit to be a good man. I can hunt things, save people, but it won’t ever make up for what I’ve done.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just Out of Town

**Author's Note:**

> Dean and Eggsy have blindly stumbled into a D/s relationship. It takes some time for them to figure out what's going on, and it does get resolved in this fic, but for the first part, they do make mistakes. 
> 
> Also, in just one chapter, as part of Dean's punishment, Dean is required to call Eggsy "Daddy." It is not meant to turn either of them on, it's purely for punishment, and it is not a continued theme. We will put an additional warning at the start of that chapter as well.

"How much longer?" Eggsy whined, dropping back in the seat. "Thought you said we'd be there soon. You lost, tiger?" They were driving past a shoreline that was steadily becoming more rocky, but had yet to see signs for the beach they were heading for and Eggsy was enjoying teasing Dean about his apparent inability to follow a map. 

“Dude, can I help it if all these beaches look the same?” Dean muttered, “Stupid state.”

They had a cooler full of food, a blanket to throw on the ground, and two more to wrap around themselves, since the weather was supposed to be cool. But at this rate, they’d never get used. 

“Wait, shit!” Dean said, snapping his head back, “What’d that sign say?”

"Said turn left for where we're going," Eggsy replied. "Turn 'round up there and then we can go and park." 

“You know, for all the shit you’re giving me about not reading maps, you suck at navigation,” Dean smirked as he turned the car around. He followed the direction of the sign, and was relieved to see more signs showing they were headed in the right direction.

“I was a little distracted,” Eggsy said, looking him over with a salacious grin. “You’re already in those swimmin’ togs.”

“I still say it’s gonna be too damned cold. Bet the water’s only a few degrees above freezing. I brought the damn things ‘cause the hotel’s got a freakin’ spa. You know, where the water’s warm?” Dean had put them on this morning as a joke, but Eggsy wouldn’t let him take them off. 

He’d stolen the pair that Sam had bought and never worn, figuring the fact that he was giant wouldn’t matter since trunks didn’t have legs. Yeah, it wasn’t the giant thing that was the problem, it was Sam’s taste in swimwear. Instead of proper trunks, these were some seriously snug shorts, with about as much give as a pair of boxer briefs. Eggsy seemed to like ‘em, but Dean was pretty sure he was gonna freeze his balls off.  

“I think you’re supposed ta turn right, tiger,” Eggsy said, looking up ahead. “We can go to the spa. But you’re getting a pedicure if we do. And one of those seaweed wrap things they offered.” 

As Dean turned right, he glared at Eggsy, “What is it with you and fucking seaweed? Not a chance, man, I’ve already done the seaweed challenge once this week. And dude, I’m know we’re in Seattle, and I’m fucking a guy, but there’s no way I’m getting pedicure. I’m pretty sure that’s even more gay than having your cock shoved down my throat.”

He followed another sign, “What’s wrong with just massages and hot tubs and shit?”

“I wanted to see you wit’ sparkly pink toenails,” Eggsy teased. “Besides, I’ve gotten em before. Never painted my nails for myself, but I will if you do. I suppose we’ll survive not doin’ it.” He looked. “There. Car park up there on the left.”

“You’ve got a pedicure before?” Dean asked, with a crooked brow. “I mean- Well, why?” Dean parked the car and looked at Eggsy. “And what else to do they do, if they don’t paint the nails? Is that what a pedicure is?”

“Nah. They massaged my legs, took off all that dead skin. Scrubbed em, fixed my toenails up with this sander. Swear, I saw it in the hardware store. Then Roxy had them paint my nails purple, like a plum. Put this little white flower on it.” He shrugged. “Look, Roxy… she makes me do a lotta shit.” 

“I get that, Sam keeps trying to feed me sprouts and salads. But don’t your work people, don’t they- I dunno, frown on that? Aren’t they worried it’s gonna mess with the whole super spy image?”

Eggsy snorted. “People don’t even know I exist. An’ who gives a fuck? Just means tha’ the bad guys’ll be focused on my toes- if they’re outta my shoes- instead of me.” He looked over at Dean. “It’s like this. I do my job, I do it well. I’m not some crazy evil bastard like my last boss. If I wanna paint my toenails, nobody cares. Took me a helluva long time to get comfortable in my own skin. An’ I’m still working on some shit, but I don’t care if someone looks at me weird for having purple toes.”  

Dean shook his head as he pulled out the key from the ignition. “You fucking amaze me man. Like, you grew up with a bunch of the same shit I did, and you’re so goddamned chill.”

“‘M not really,” Eggsy said. “I owe all of it to Harry. I’m a little shit wit’ anger issues and trust issues, and a bunch more. But Harry helped me. Taught me… manners,” he said, looking off at the water. 

The way Eggsy’s tone changed was all too familiar to Dean. “That’s not all he taught you, is it?” Dean asked carefully.

“No,” Eggsy replied quietly. “He taught me how to start over. I was in a real shit place when he got me outta jail. Gave me a purpose again, more than just, makin’ sure Daisy had enough to eat. Gave me the means to get rid of Dean, get my ma a house.” He shrugged. “An’ I never got to thank him properly. Last thing I did was disappoint him, then he went off an’ got shot.” 

Dean huffed and nodded. “Yeah, I get that,” he said quietly. He didn’t know what else to say, so he just placed a hand over Eggsy’s on the leather seat between them. 

Eggsy turned his hand up and squeezed gently, clearing his throat. “C’mon. Let’s get down to the beach and have our picnic, yeah?” 

Dean squeezed back, then opened the door. He popped the trunk, passing the blankets to Eggsy, and hefting the cooler out. “Get the trunk, will ya?”

He walked past some of the rocks, to where the rocks slowly became rocky sand instead, and looked around. “Think this is as good as it’s gonna get,” he announced, setting the cooler down.

"Ya know, what you call the trunk is the boot," Eggsy said, joining him with the blankets and a book he'd grabbed as they were checking out at the grocery store. He spread the big blanket out, Dean grabbing one corner to help. They settled down, Eggsy in a pair of linen shorts and Dean still in his swim trunks. "Think the water’s really that cold?" 

“November in Washington? Yeah,” Dean laughed. “But I’ll go in if you do.”

"We should either go in now so we can dry off, or righ' before we go so we can get the heat in the car," Eggsy said. "Flip a coin or sommat?" 

“You are not getting in Baby wet as a dog. You wanna go in, we’d better do it now.”

"I'd sit on the blankets," Eggsy grumbled, but stood, pulling his shirt over his head and dropping his shorts. "C'mon tiger. Geddup." 

“Yeah, wet clothes just make for wet blankets make for wet seats,” Dean explained, taking off his shirt. “Fuck, it’s cold. You’re crazy, you know that right? If my dick goes into hiding for two days, remember, it’s your fault.” Despite his jest, he held out his hand, “Together?”

"I think I can make it come out of hiding," Eggsy teased. He took Dean's hand and smiled. "Forev… always, tiger. C'mon, isn't getting any warmer." Eggsy tugged, pulling Dean with him as he ran toward the water, barreling in with an unholy screech as they got deeper. "It's fuckin' cold!" 

“No shit! Jesus Christ!” Dean yelled back, voice higher than he would have wanted it to be. He sought out Eggsy with a crazed look in his eye, then pounced, tackling him and dragging them both underwater.

Eggsy fought him off, pinning Dean with his legs as he gulped air. Dean bucked, tossing Eggsy further into the water with a yelp. "Dean!" 

Dean wrapped his arms around Eggsy, dragging him close and up so they were near face to face. “Hey, sweetheart, you okay?” The warmth of his body against the freezing water was fantastic and he was loathe to let go.

"I'm fuckin' drowned, tiger," Eggsy replied, shivering as he pressed closer to Dean. "You trying to kill me or somethin'?" 

“Sorry, man, just something Sammy and I used to do; wrestling in the water. Didn’t mean to scare you,” Dean apologized. “Back to the shore, then?”

"No," Eggsy muttered, and then pounced, pushing Dean back into an oncoming well of water and following him down. 

Dean laughed, catching a mouth full of water and came up sputtering. But not one to retreat, he dived back underneath, opened his eyes and swam behind Eggsy. He pushed off the ocean floor, bursting out of the water, and wrapping himself around Eggsy’s back, then pulled them both under again. 

He let go quickly, then stood and sprinted as best as he could through the waist deep water, teeth chattering, trying to escape before Eggsy regained his composure.

Eggsy surfaced with a shriek as the air hit his wet skin. "Yer dead!" he shouted, and chased after Dean, launching himself at him, only to miss and belly flop into the water. "Fuck!" 

The wet smack of Eggsy on water was hilarious, and Dean nearly doubled over laughing. “Dude, don’t you live on a fucking island? You should be better at this!”

"I don't have time to fuckin' swim!" Eggsy protested after spitting out a mouthful of water. "I'm too busy savin' the world so I can take a week off to come see you, ain't I?" He stood, and wrapped Dean in his arms, pulling him down to sit. The water lapped at the bottom of his chin as he frowned mutinously at Dean, scowling as he noted the water level was only to his neck. "Yer too fuckin' tall," he pouted, and moved, plopping on Dean's lap. "Better." 

Eggsy was warm wrapped around him, and Dean smiled. He draped his arms around him, and pulled him into a kiss, the heat of their mouths highlighting exactly how cold the rest of him was. He pulled back. “We’re gonna get hypothermia, we stay in too much longer,” he informed Eggsy, then kissed him deeply, seeking more warmth. 

"Do we hafta get out?" Eggsy asked, pulling away to look at him with a soft smirk. "I'm real comfortable right here," he said and leaned in for another kiss.

Ignoring the cold, Dean focused on Eggsy, the way they were cuddled around each other, the fire in each kiss sending sparks through his veins (though his cock stayed resolutely hidden). He kissed warm lines up Eggsy’s neck, rubbing Eggsy’s back with his hands to help keep him warm. “Few more minutes, then,” Dean murmured against his ear.

"Okay," Eggsy sighed and leaned his head against Dean's cheek. "We're the only ones here, aren't we? Excep' for tha' scuba diver... " he murmured, watching as the diver packed up his gear and trudged up the beach. "Our own lil world as soon as he leaves, tiger."

“We’re gonna need to share some serious body heat when we get outta here,” Dean smiled at the thought, “The food’ll keep for a bit longer, we could get under the blankets, snuggle nice & close. If we got the beach to ourselves, we could even let the suits dry on the rocks.”

"I think that might be askin' for trouble," Eggsy said, nuzzling into him. "But I think that's a nice idea. We can control ourselves, righ' tiger?" 

“I ain’t got any interest in getting sand where it don’t belong,” Dean laughed, “You ready yet?”

"No," Eggsy pouted, lips trembling with the cold as he pressed them to Dean's throat. 

Dean tilted his head as Eggsy kissed up with warm touches, “Okay, sweetheart, but when your lips turn blue, I’m carrying you out myself.” Dean let his hands slip down the back of Eggsy’s suit, to warm him further.

Eggsy wiggled into Dean's touch. "I'll let ya," he said, licking a bit of the salt from Dean's neck. 

Dean pulled back, looking at Eggsy’s lips. He gave them a quick peck, then announced, “Blue enough.” He wrapped his arms under Eggsy’s ass, then stood quickly, hefting Eggsy out of the water. Eggsy’s legs folded around him, and Dean felt the surge of protectiveness he’d felt when he was younger, caring for Sammy. He knew he’d protect Eggsy to the ends of the Earth, but it did seem a bit out of a place for him to be the protector, when Eggsy had gone so long caring for him. 

Eggsy laughed, unable to help the grin of utter delight spreading across his face. “Nobody’s picked me up in years, tiger. Not unless you count trainin’, an’ after tha’ they threw me across the mats so...” He held his arms tight around Dean’s neck, pressing as close as he could, feeling safe and cared for. “Thank you,” he said, nipping at Dean’s earlobe. 

Dean carried him carefully to their blankets, and found the two hotel towels he’d brought when Eggsy had implied he might want to go in. He dipped down, Eggsy still in his arms, and picked one up. He dried off Eggsy as best he could, before letting him settle gently to the ground. He dried himself off quickly, then huddled them in an oversized blanket as they stood. He snuggled close to Eggsy, “That something you want, sweetheart? You want me to take care of you sometimes too?”

“Mm, maybe,” Eggsy said. “Dunno really. Never had anyone do tha’ before.” He smiled up at Dean, pecking him on the lips. “You know somethin’ tiger?” 

“What?” Dean asked, spreading the blanket down between them.

“I think I’ll keep you,” Eggsy said, and winked at him. “No real reason. Jus’ think I might love you.”

Dean blushed, “You know I’m not gonna leave you. Not voluntarily anyways.” He shimmied his shorts off under the towel, setting them on the nearby rocks, hoping that despite the chill, the sun might help them dry. He came back to hold Eggsy close. “And I would, you know. I love it when you take care of me, and sometimes it feels like I’m taking and taking and not giving back.”

“Maybe you could take care of me,” Eggsy replied, burrowing under the blanket and away from the chill of the wind. “Who’s fuckin’ idea was it to go swimmin’?” He sighed and pressed his face into the crook of Dean’s arm with a yawn. 

“Yeah, that’d be yours, you English jackass,” Dean teased, but pulled a second blanket over them and held Eggsy close. Their body heat took over within a few minutes, and Dean’s teeth quit chattering, and he watched Eggsy’s lip turn a far more normal color.

Eggsy poked his head farther out of the blankets, pecking Dean on the lips. “I feel like I’m a Christmas present or something. All wrapped up.” He smiled. “You all righ’, tiger? Look like you’re thinkin’ too hard about somethin’.”

“I just want us to be as good for you as it is for me. Don’t wanna take too much without giving back, you know?” 

Eggsy frowned. "You worryin' that I'll get tired of you? Think you're takin' too much?" 

“I dunno if I’d put it like that. It just, fuck, getting taken care of like you do to me is just so fucking perfect. I get in this place where the world doesn’t matter, feels like I’m living in the damn clouds, and it’s near to fucking heaven far as I can tell. Just seems like if I don’t offer it back, I’d be a shitty fucking boyfriend, you know?”

"Yeah, I get it. But I dunno if I'd like bein' taken care of the way you do. We could try," Eggsy said, shrugging. "But you're not a shitty boyfriend, you know? I think you're the best I've ever had. Don' ever wanna leave..." He admitted. 

“I get that, sweetheart, I do,” Dean replied, not allowing himself to hope he’d get more time with Eggsy than they’d planned. “Just tell me, though, if you want taking care of. I… it’s like, all the control that’s been forced upon me, being Sammy’s keeper since I was four. No one’s ever taken care of me. So you takin’ care of me’s fucking fantastic. I’d never force it on you, never take it from you, sweetheart, only if you asked, okay?” He tossed a leg over Eggsy’s to maximize the skin on skin contact that kept them warm.

"I like taking care of people. Makes me feel useful. Especially the people I love," Eggsy said, rubbing his foot against Dean's ankle. "And I'm glad you like bein' taken care of. Cause I fuckin' love takin' care of you. It isn't about the control for me, you know? It's givin' you what you need. Makin' you happy and makin' you feel safe." 

“Yeah?” Dean asked, surprised, “Always figured it was a burden, taking care of me. That’s how it’s always been, growing up, y’know? Just didn’t wanna overwork you is all. I mean, you really like it? It makes you happy?” Dean was out of his depth. He couldn’t imagine how caring for someone would be pleasurable, let alone erotic. 

"Yeah, tiger. Really. An' maybe it's ‘cause I chose it, or maybe it's just cause I'm made this way. But it makes me happy with myself. Knowin' I can take care of someone else, do somethin' for someone else. Gives me a purpose. But even if you didn' wanna be taken care of, I'd still be happy. Cause I love you. And just bein' with you makes me the happiest I've been in a long time." Eggsy pressed his lips to Dean, unable to think of how he'd feel when he'd have to leave.

Dean kissed back as if he were drowning, not able to fully articulate how perfectly aligned he felt with Eggsy, how amazing it was that they had found each other. He had no idea what he’d do when Eggsy left, other than pine desperately for the only other person he’d ever met that complimented him so. But he was sadly used to pining for Eggsy; he supposed regular meet ups would have to suffice. 

“Happiest I’ve ever been,” Dean confessed, knowing it was completely true. He kissed Eggsy back, in case Eggsy didn’t agree. 

"Happiest I've ever been," Eggsy said quickly as they broke apart, then dived back in for another kiss, rolling on top of Dean. 


	2. Stay With Me, Baby

The chill of the November air, and the freeze of the water in the Sound melted away under the fantastic heat of Eggsy and his tempting lips, captured under two blankets. Dean spread his legs for Eggsy to fall between then, and fisted one hand in Eggsy’s hair, and another around his back. They kissed again, Dean eagerly seeking the depths of him, hooking a leg around Eggsy’s waist above him. 

"No one around," Eggsy said. "Should we warm up, luv?" He pressed down, grinding against Dean; kissing him with all the feelings tied up and knotted in his chest. "I want you," he muttered, half to himself. "I wish... I wish I could stay wit' you." 

“Fucking right?” Dean responded, dispiritedly, “I’d stay with you forever if you wanted me to.”

"God, fuck tiger. I do. I want you too. I want you to stay wit' me, forever." Eggsy tightened his grip. "I don' know how I'm gonna be able to get on the plane, knowin' you're on the ground waitin' for me to come back." 

“Always knew I hated planes for a reason,” Dean muttered between kisses. “But you can’t save the world if you’re stuck here with me.”

"An' you can't save the world if I got you tied up," Eggsy said sadly. "An' ain't that a crime."

“I don’t save the world, not anymore. Just a few people, here and there. But you’ve got an actual job, and family and shit.” Dean told Eggsy, just as much as himself. He needed to remind himself that Eggsy wasn’t free to do as he pleased, not the way he could. And he’d be damned if he stood in Eggsy’s way.

“Yeah,” Eggsy said. “But...that doesn’ make you worth any less than me, you know? You're a good guy, tiger.” 

“I don’t know about that, but I’ve got my uses,” Dean shrugged, looking to the side. He didn’t like talking about his worth, or his value, or any of that bullshit. He did what did, tried to keep monsters from killing people, and that was enough. Sammy tried to bring it up from time to time, but he shut down those conversations, too. 

“Dean, look at me,” Eggsy said, grabbing Dean’s chin. “You’re a good person. You are. You’re kind an’ loyal, an’ sweet. An’ you love me. Gotta be a good person to do tha’.”

Dean still couldn’t meet Eggsy’s eyes. “Easy to love you. Doesn’t make me a good man. Done too much shit to be a good man. I can hunt things, save people, but it won’t ever make up for what I’ve done.”

He closed his eyes, and asked, “Can we- can we not talk about this?”

“No,” Eggsy said, suddenly feeling angry, vulnerable, and hurt. “Because I’m not leaving here wit’ you thinkin’ that you aren’t worth somethin’.” He pressed Dean’s shoulders to the sand, leaning down and capturing his lips. “Don’t think you aren’t good. You help people,” he murmured. “You don’t try to hurt people. What did you do tha’s so bad? What did you do that makes you think I shouldn’ love you? Cause that’s what you’re tellin’ me. Tha’ you aren’t good enough to be loved, taken care of.” 

Dean spoke carefully and quietly, eyes still shut, wishing he could have this conversation in the Impala, where it was easy not to look. “It’s not just some story, Eggsy, when I talk about Hell. It’s real. Spent forty years there. And I can’t take that back. That’s all on me. And when I say all, I mean it. I can’t even begin to tell you how badly I fucked up and the sacrifices people had to make. So no, I don’t deserve jack. I  _ deserve  _ to be back in Hell. But by some fucking miracle, I’m here, and I’m with you.”

Eggsy didn’t know what to say, so he just leaned down, tucking his face in Dean’s shoulder. “It doesn’t matter, luv. You don’t deserve to be in Hell, you don’t deserve to be punished. Would you do it again? No. Was it your fault? No.” 

The words stung, even though Dean knew Eggsy was only trying to be kind. He  _ had  _ deserved to be in Hell, he’d sold his fucking soul to bring Sammy back to life, hadn’t he? And if hadn’t been so damned weak, he wouldn’t have started filleting souls just to get a break from his own torture. Even worse, he grew to like it; when Cas and Uriel had asked him to torture Alastair a few years back, he welcomed the chance. 

Then to find out his failing to be strong, failing to hold out against Hell’s torture the way his Dad did, was the first key to the demons needed to unlock Lucifer's cage? It was his fault, it was  _ all  _ his fault, and the things he had done to people, to  _ souls _ , that was all on him. And the bitch of it was, he would do it all over again, if Sammy’s life was on the line. Hell, if Eggsy’s life was on the line. 

Dean sat up, gently pushing Eggsy off him. “I know man, that you’re just trying to help. I get it, I do. Sammy’s tried; the son of a bitch even tried playing some sort of self love bullshit when I’d sleep in the car, hoping it’d work through osmosis or something, I dunno.”

He looked over the water, his hand rubbing his neck, “You are amazing and I love you, and even though I’m not entirely sure why, I know you love me, too. But I’ve been dealing with this shit for years. I can’t just wave it away. I don’t know what to tell you.”

"I'm not askin' you to wave it away," Eggsy said helplessly, sitting up. "I'm just askin' you to tell me. Really think about if there had been some other way, if you would done what you did anyway. Cause I know you, Dean, even if we've only been together for a little bit . You wouldn't have done anythin' to hurt somebody unless you had to. Unless you were made to, even if it seemed like it was your choice." 

“You really wanna know? The absolute worst things I’ve ever done, and you want to know? Isn’t that supposed to be something we don’t talk about?”

"Yeah," Eggsy said quietly. "Probably is. But I don't care, Dean. I want to know, because it'll help me know you. And righ' now, Tha's all I want." 

“This’ll be the short version though. I’ve only ever told Sammy this, and it’s not something I like to talk about, right?”

Dean crossed his legs, and kept his sights over the water. The cold seemed almost fitting now, and he tugged the blanket off his shoulders, only keeping his lap covered. “Sammy died a while ago, and I sold my soul to get him back. But instead of the standard ten year demon deal, I only got a year. This shit’s all in the books, so I’ll keep it light. At the end of the year, though, I was, uh, torn apart by hell hounds. Completely shredded, soul dragged to Hell. Time’s different in Hell, though. I’ve actually spent more time in Hell than I have on Earth. Forty years. And the torture, Christ. You can’t die, you don’t go into shock, so you feel everything. All of it. And it doesn’t stop. Soon as they’ve eviscerated you as much as they can, they snap you back together and do it all over again. And every day, this demon, Alastair, he’d come to me and say that they would stop, if I’d just pick up the blade and start torturing souls myself. Just like they’d done to me. 

“And I told him to fuck off, every day. For thirty years I told him to fuck off. And then one day, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was so fucking weak, fucking pathetic. And I so agreed.”

"You're not, tiger. You think other people would have held out that long? Been able to go through what you did?" Eggsy reached out, wrapping his arms around Dean's shoulders from the back. "Jus' cause you broke, doesn't mean you're bad, Dean. Doesn't mean you don't deserve to be loved. Besides, if those people were in Hell, didn' they deserve it? At least a little?" 

Hanging his head, Dean spoke hardly more than a whisper, “I know they could. My dad did. He could do it, and did do it for a hundred years before he got out. I couldn’t even make it thirty-one.”

"An' you aren't your dad. You don' think those fuckers went harder on you, jus' cause you were you?" Eggsy kissed the back of his neck. "Doesn't matter. No excuses, no explanations. You did somethin' and you can't take it back. But that doesn't make you a bad person. Means you're human, Dean, an' you were put in a bad situation with no way of knowin’ you'd be saved." 

Eggsy sighed. "C'mon, tiger. Look at me. Just look at me for five seconds." 

He turned to face Eggsy, but still couldn’t look him in the eye. “You don’t understand. I didn’t just torture people. Think of the Nazis - they are the scum of the fucking Earth, right? They only tortured  _ people _ . I tortured  _ souls _ . Fuck, I was good at it, too. I can’t ever come back from that. There isn’t enough forgiveness in the fucking world to cover that. And I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be what’s waiting for me when I die for good.”

"You're righ'. I don't understand, cause I wasn't there," Eggsy said. "But if tha's waiting for you when you die, then why are you gonna beat yourself over it now? If it's hauntin' your dreams, then why you lettin' it haunt your days? I'm not sayin' forget it, or even forgive yourself, even though you should. I'm jus' sayin let it go, tiger. Be a lil more acceptin' of the past, but don't let it come into the future." 

“There’s a reason I don’t like to talk about this shit,” Dean’s voice was tinged with anger. “Sammy says the same thing, ‘let it go,’ like some damned cliche is gonna fix everything. Don’t you think if I knew how to let it go, I would?” 

He stood up, the blanket still draped around his waist, “Everyone says to fucking let it go, but you know what? No can fucking tell me how.”

Dean turned away, both upset with Eggsy, and upset with himself for pissing off someone else who was just trying to care. “I’m gonna get my clothes outta the car.” He walked away before Eggsy had a chance to tell him what an ungrateful little shit he was. 

Eggsy watched him go to the Impala before throwing himself down on the blanket; smacking himself of the forehead. "Fuckin' class. Ruin the whole day, Eggsy. Good on ya." He sighed and sat up. Dean was still in the Impala, so Eggsy turned toward the water. He stood and ran forward, plunging into a freezing wave, somewhere between punishing himself and just wanting something to dull his mind.

Once Dean had slipped into his jeans, and tossed on a few layers, he looked up to see that Eggsy was gone. His heart dropped; he’d expected Eggsy wouldn’t probably want to see him much after finding out how truly worthless he was, but he hadn’t expected him to just run off. A sharp, sudden pain crashed through his chest, and he bit back a sob as he collapsed against the Impala’s front tire. He formed a fist in both hands, and punched the gravel of the parking lot, trying to get the sting of pain in his hands to distract from the tightness in his chest, and how it was suddenly hard to breathe. He punched the ground again and again with vicious growl meant to keep him from doing anything embarrassing. He watched his knuckles split open and blood started to stain the jagged pebbles beneath him.

Eggsy surfaced, teeth chattering. He shook his head rapidly, then made his way back to the beach. He opened the bag he'd put his clothes in, then groaned. They were either in the Impala or back at the hotel. Either way, he'd have to go up to Dean, and hope there were clothes there. He wrapped himself in one of the towels and kicked off his swim trunks, laying them on a rock to dry. He went up and stood by the trunk, not seeing Dean anywhere. "Dean?" he called out, heart pounding and blood suddenly rushing loud in his ears. He wouldn't have left... "Dean!" Eggsy called again, ignoring the slight tones of panic in his voice.

The sound of Eggsy’s voice was relieving, but couldn’t stop the way Dean was gasping to catch his breath. Instead, he threw handful of pebbles towards the trunk, gasping, “M’here,” hoping Eggsy would notice.

Eggsy heard the scuttle of the rocks and he came around, his relief turning to shock at the blood spattered on Dean's hand and the ground. "Dean!" He rushed over, dropping to his knees and grasping his wrists tight. "Dean, stop," he ordered, "Stop. Deep breath. Tilt your head down, luv. C'mon." 

Barely able to hear Eggsy over his heart pounding in his chest, he tilted his head up towards the sky, trying to open up the path to his lungs. He still took large, heaving breaths, but they came so rapidly he could hardly keep up with himself. His fingers began to tingle, a contrasting sensation to the stinging of his bloody knuckles. He kept his eyes closed, trying to slow his breathing, and rocking slightly back and forth to fight the tension that continued to grow in his chest.

Eggsy moved one hand down to twine their fingers together. "It's fine, tiger. 'S all righ'. Not goin' anywhere, just keep breathin'," he said, worry in his tone. He began to stroke Dean's side with his other hand. "Slow 'em down, tha's right." He squeezed Dean's hand tight as the older man rocked, unsure of if he was even helping. 

Dean wasn’t sure what to do, other then try to calm his breaths. This had only happened once before Hell, when some bitch stole his car, but it’d been happening steadily more often since. He didn’t really know what it was, but the only thing he knew for sure is that if he couldn’t fix his breathing, his hands would eventually go numb. Although at this point, the pain began to amplify as the blood dripped, so perhaps that wasn’t a bad thing. And he knew Eggsy was trying to comfort him, but he didn’t know what Eggsy should be doing, he’d always suffered through this alone.

At the idea of being alone, as well as being useless to even help Eggsy help him, sent his breathing back into fits. 

"Fuck, Dean. Breath slow. Look at me, luv," Eggsy said, cupping Dean's face. "Breath to the sound of my voice, yeah? In… out. in... out." He was realizing that Dean's problem was some sort of attack, hopefully just a panic attack and not a reaction to something else. He squeezed his hand gently. "Come back to me, tiger. I love you."

It took nearly ten minutes, but by concentrating carefully on Eggsy’s voice, Dean was finally able to control his breaths. His chest still felt as though it were knotted and gnarled, but as long as he kept his focus, he didn’t hyperventilate. He’d stopped rocking back and forth and just leaned back against the Impala’s front tire. His knuckles had mostly stopped bleeding, except for a few spots where the jagged rocks must have cut in more deeply. He looked at his hands, dirty and bloody, but he could feel them throb fully now. 

“All righ’, tiger?” Eggsy murmured once Dean was calmed and had stopped hyperventilating. He moved, sitting next to Dean on the rocky ground and pulled him into his arms. “God, you scared me, luv. Wha’ happened? Looked like a panic attack,” he said, stroking a hand through Dean’s hair. 

Dean was still very focused on breathing properly, so he carefully spit out small words between breaths. “Looked up. You were gone. Didn’t think you’d leave. So quickly. Maybe tonight. Or tomorrow. But not now.”

“Not goin’ anywhere,” Eggsy replied. “Why would I go anywhere? Love you. Only place I gotta go is the plane, an’ I don’ even wanna do that.” He dropped a kiss on Dean’s head. “I love you. No matter wha’ you did.” 

“Just not sure why.” Dean admitted. He looked down at his hands, “They’re starting to fucking hurt now.”

“You got a kit in the car to fix those up?” Eggsy asked. Dean nodded, and Eggsy stood with another kiss, opening the trunk and pulling out the small red box. “All righ’. Let’s get these taken care of, luv. Hands.” He frowned at the dirt, standing back up for a bottle of water to rinse off the scratches. “This is holy water, innit?” 

“Yeah. Don’t use too much, never know when I’m gonna need it,” Dean requested, holding out his hands for Eggsy. The cut by his left middle knuckle was still dribbling blood. 

“Won’t,” Eggsy replied, sluicing it gently over Dean’s knuckles. “Doesn’t burn, does it?” 

Dean laughed, “Not a demon, no. I mean, it stings a bit, sure, but it’s definitely not burning.”

Eggsy shared a small grin. “That’s good. Don’ think I’m on the level of demon huntin’ yet. Especially not if he’s as good looking as you.” He reached over, setting the bottle down and rooting through the kit for some gauze and antiseptic cream. 

The tightness was starting to fade in his chest. He was still worried that he’d wake up, or come back to their table, or go to the restroom, and Eggsy would be gone, but somehow the tenderness of this moment was helpful in reducing his current anxieties. His shoulders relaxed, and even his jaw softened as he watch his hands be cleaned and wrapped. 

“All righ’?” Eggsy said when he finished. “Not too tight? Normally jus’ patching up myself.” 

“Yeah,” Dean nodded softly, “Yeah, it’s good.” His hands were stiff and it was a bit hard to bend them, but otherwise the stinging pain dulled some under the bandages.

“Good.” Eggsy stood and held out a hand for Dean. “C’mon. We got a lunch to eat, right?” He smiled then hesitated. “Unless you’d rather leave.” 

“But can we talk about something else, now?” Dean requested quietly, taking his hand.

"Yeah," Eggsy said, shocked by the vulnerability in Dean's voice. "Course. How about I tell you about what Daisy did this one time with her doll and the micro?" 

Dean laughed, “Yeah, I want to hear more about that.” They made their way back to the blanket, and Eggsy seemed to know how to distract him well, telling story after story that kept Dean laughing, trying to let the earlier mood fade into the distance.

Eggsy paused his story telling as he saw a strange glow settle over Dean's face, the sun finally breaking from the clouds to reveal a gorgeous sunset late in the day. "Well then," he said, sitting back and leaning against Dean's shoulder. "Tha' Looks real nice." 

“Yeah,” Dean agreed, wrapping an arm around Eggsy, then pulling a blanket over them. He settled comfortably into Eggsy’s side, and sighed. “Sorry I fucked this up today.”

"You didn'," Eggsy said softly. "It needed ta happen. And I think it was good that it did." He kissed the top of Dean's head, then tilted his face up for another, deeper kiss. "Dean?" 

“Yeah?” Dean asked, heart sinking.

"I love you," Eggsy murmured, closing his eyes and brushing his lips over Dean's once more. "I really, really fuckin' love you." 

Dean melted into his arms, and brought them down to lay beside each other, the blanket covering them with warmth. He snuggled into Eggsy’s chest, hoping that maybe this time, maybe someone could love him despite how pathetic he really was. 

"You gonna be all righ'?" Eggsy asked, stroking his fingers through Dean's hair. 

“Better than I was earlier,” Dean shrugged. “Can’t always predict when I’m gonna freak out like that, though.” Though the sun setting chilled the air further, Eggsy’s warmth and the two blankets were sufficient to keep him warm, and Dean didn’t want to move.

"Tha's fine. It's somethin' I know how to handle now, innit? So if I'm here, I got it covered, luv." Eggsy shifted, lying down so he was looking Dean in the eyes. 

For the first time in a while, Dean looked back at him, instead of looking away. “Fucking gorgeous, sweetheart,” he whispered, trying to convey so much more than he could say.

"Yeah, this is, innit?" Eggsy said, reaching a hand out to hold Dean's as he heard the emotion wavering in Dean's voice . "We… we got somethin' here. I know I said it before, but it's like… the world was jus' waiting to slam us together. Like two universes coming together. An' I don't understand what I did you deserve you. But I'm fuckin' glad I got you." 

Dean tucked one arm under Eggsy’s neck, and wrapped the other around his back, holding him in a tight hug. He yawned against Eggsy’s chest, the earlier hyperventilation catching up with him, making him drowsy. He closed his eyes for a moment and listened to the beat of Eggsy’s heart against the small waves crashing into the rocks.

"You gonna go to sleep for a bit, tiger?" Eggsy murmured, closing his own eyes and tipping his head to meet Dean's. "'S all right if you do. I'll watch ya." 

He already felt himself slipping into unconsciousness, and nodded briefly against Eggsy’s chest in agreement. In less than a minute, he was asleep.

Eggsy sighed with a fond smile, making sure Dean was covered. He turned his gaze to the sky, watching the sun sink lower as clouds rolled back in. 


	3. In the Fading Day

Dean awoke abruptly to a bright light shining in his face. He held his hand out to block it, and muttered, “Fucking hell.”

“Morning boys,” A deep voice spoke, “Hate to wake you, but you can’t sleep here.”

As the light shined over Eggsy instead, Dean’s eyes slowly focus in the moonlight, and he realized he was looking at a cop. “Shit man, sorry about that.”

“Gonna need to see some IDs,” the cop requested. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean muttered, sitting up, elbowing Eggsy as he did, to wake him up.  

“Wha’? Oh shit,” Eggsy said, sitting up. “Guess I was more tired than I though’.” He smiled at the officer.

Dean fished out his new ID, and grabbed Eggsy’s, handing both to the officer.

The cop frowned. “If you two’re married, why’re you out here? Go home, go to bed,” he laughed. “I don’t ever get to bust married people.”

It took Dean half a second to remember the name on his new ID. Tony  _ Unwin _ . He was going to kill Sammy twice.  

“You know how it is,” Eggsy said with a grin. “Been five years, an’ we still can’t get enough of each other. Went for a swim, exhausted ourselves an’ ended up on the beach. Fell asleep and didn’ set an alarm on the phone.” He stood, tugging Dean up with him. “C’mon, tiger. Back home so this one can get his job done.” 

“I’ll be back in about ten minutes; hope you see you gone by then. Night Tony, Gary,” he said as he passed their IDs back. 

“Night, sir,” Dean said, watching him walk away, then turning to Eggsy. “Gary? That’s really your fucking name? What sort of shit alter identity is that?” he laughed, handing Eggsy his ID, then pushing him over for a kiss.

“Yes, that’s really my fuckin’ name!” Eggsy said, pushing him into the sand and pinning him easily. “What, you think my ma named me Eggsy?” 

“Dude! I asked!” Dean protested, “You said people don’t have names like Charles and William where you’re from! I though you just grew up in some sorta weird neighborhood! Even your grumpy ass boss calls you Eggsy!”

He laughed, rolling with Eggsy in the sand, peppering playful kisses wherever he could reach. Once he found his escape, he jumped up, grabbed the blankets, and ran. “You get the cooler!” he hollered behind him.

“Yer a fuckin’ cheat, Winchester,” Eggsy called, grabbing the cooler. He hauled it to the car, setting it down and stepping on top of it. “An’ you’re so damn tall!” he grumbled, grabbing Dean’s collar and tugging him close for a bruising kiss. “But yer mine.”

Dean groaned into the kiss; Eggsy looming over him made sparks explode throughout his body, and he cursed the cop that’d be coming by in just a few minutes time. But he wrapped his arms around Eggsy’s waist and kept his head tilted up to kiss Eggsy enthusiastically, nipping at his bottom lip and sneaking his tongue against Eggsy’s when he could.

“Get in the car and drive us back, Dean,” Eggsy muttered, pulling away and pinning Dean’s arms as he made to squeeze Eggsy’s ass. “Or tha’ cop’s gonna be arrestin’ us for indecent exposure.” 

With a moan, Dean nodded, closing his eyes to control himself. Eggsy circled around, tossing the cooler in the trunk, while Dean fished out the keys from his pocket. He slid in as Eggsy did, and started up the Impala with a purr. He pulled out, remembering the turns he had to make to get there.

Eggsy waited until they were on a long, straight stretch of highway, no other cars in sight before he gave Dean a wicked grin. “Hey tiger? Don’t panic.” 

He reached over, hand sliding up Dean’s thigh and giving him enough time to say no, but not enough to panic as he kneaded his cock. When there was nothing more than a sharp intake of breath, Eggsy went up, popping the button and pulling Dean’s cock out. “No pants?” Eggsy said. “Naughty, aren’t we, tiger?” 

“Oh Christ,” Dean murmured, wincing as he tried grip the steering wheel only to have his knuckles sting instead. But it was nothing compared to the electric spark jolting up his spine at Eggsy’s touch.

"Do you need to pull over?" Eggsy asked stroking Dean's cock gently. 

“I’d-” Dean whispered breathlessly, “I don’t want to, but I will if I have to. Just don’t fucking stop.”

"Wouldn' dream of it," Eggsy replied, and bent his head to tease at the top of Dean's cock."Mm, taste so good, tiger." 

“Christ, sweetheart,” Dean muttered, letting one hand drift to into Eggsy’s hair. “Oh, hell, suck a little more,” Dean didn’t bother trying to keep quiet, moaning desperately loud in the cabin of the Impala. “Fuck, just like that.”

“So fuckin’ loud for me. Love it,” Eggsy muttered, then sucked harder, one hand stroking Dean’s cock in time with the teasing of his tongue. 

Dean tried to spread himself just a bit wider without lifting his foot off the pedals, and raked his fingers through Eggsy’s hair, finding it hard to resist pushing ever so slightly. “Fucking talented tongue; like you’ve tasted nothing better, dunno how I got so lucky,” Dean whimpered, bucking against Eggsy’s mouth. 

Eggsy moaned in agreement, taking Dean farther down, tongue working his length. With a wicked huff, he dragged his teeth against the bottom of Dean’s cock.

“Son of a-” Dean gasped, the car swerving slightly in the lane before he gained control. “Can I- can you-?” he tried to ask, wanting more. 

Eggsy pulled off with a smirk. “You tryin’ to ask for somethin’, tiger?”

Dean whined, “Fuck, I just-” He’d been so comfortable under Eggsy’s control, his dominance, that he found it hard to ask for something that might alter those roles. He  _ needed  _ Eggsy to care for him, but he only  _ wanted  _ this.  

“You want me to go as deep as I can?” Eggsy asked. “Take you all the way in my throat?”

“Please, Eggsy,” Dean begged, “Wanna feel you swallow around me, if you’ll let me.” 

“All righ’, tiger,” Eggsy said, and took him back down again, forcing himself to relax as he took Dean deep into his throat, only gagging slightly as he swallowed.

“Oh, god,” Dean moaned, pulling off to the side of the road. He parked the car, then opened his legs as wide as he could. He watched Eggsy, putting his hand back on his head, feeling more than seeing Eggsy take him down to the root. He pushed slightly, picking up the pace, seeing if Eggsy would protest. When he didn’t, Dean rolled his hips and controlled Eggsy with his left hand, and let his right hand slip beneath the hem of Eggsy’s jeans, to tease at the crease of his ass. “Eggsy, fuck,” Dean choked out, throwing his head back against the seat.

Eggsy moaned, drooling around Dean's cock as he worked it. He pushed his ass up against Dean's hand, encouraging the teasing. 

Dean bucked a bit harder than he’d meant to, and felt Eggsy gag around him. He felt bad, it felt so good; but nothing he’d do on purpose. Though he’d let Eggsy gag and choke him and the thought alone made him gasp. He palmed Eggsy’s ass, slipping a finger down to where he could feel the tight pucker of skin. He teased it softly, circling the entrance, and feeling Eggsy spasm underneath his fingers.

Eggsy groaned, spots dancing in front of his eyes. He pulled off for a moment's breath, meeting Dean's eyes. "You got lube in here?" he asked hoarsely. 

“Glove box,” Dean panted, “Backseat?”

"Yeah," Eggsy said, pulling it open. "You gonna fuck me?" 

Dean hesitated, “If you want me to.”

"Don't care. Someone's getting fucked though," Eggsy said, locating the bottle. "C'mon tiger, move. Pants off," he said, making a mental note to ask Dean a question later. 

The steering wheel made it incredibly difficult to do anything without looking like a jackass. Dean thumped and bumbled around, trying to untie his boots, and then pull off his jeans. He rolled over the front bench seat, trying to keep an eye on his knees and elbows to make sure he didn’t smack Eggsy in the face, but managed just to tip over and nearly land on his head in the back seat.

Eggsy laughed. "Tha' should work, tiger. Think you can stay like this?" He pressed a kiss to Dean's left cheek, then bit teasingly, sucking until he pulled away to a brilliant red splotch. 

Before he could right himself, Eggsy was on him, and Dean gasped, then groaned as Eggsy marked him. He scrambled to balance himself, but had trouble finding a good spot to hold on to.  

Eggsy kissed over the mark, tugging the lube open with a curse as it splattered over Dean's back. "Sorry, luv," he said with a grin, swiping his fingers through. "Quick and dirty? Leave you feeling it?" 

“Fuck yes,” Dean answered immediately. After the afternoon’s freak out, he needed something tangible to feel, to hold onto. 

"My fuckin' pleasure," Eggsy said, and pressed two fingers, watching Dean's body swallow them. "Greedy, aren't ya? Look how easy those went in." 

Dean groaned, then whined as Eggsy’s fingers tipped him further into the back seat. He tried to stabilize himself, but his hands couldn’t find purchase; the angle was all wrong. But it sent arousal down his veins, between his unsteady position and Eggsy’s lewd words, and  _ fuck _ , he loved it when Eggsy made him feel dirty.

"You able to hold yourself up?" Eggsy asked, scissoring his fingers. "Or you pressing yourself into the seat and pretending tha' I'm holdin' you down?" He stroked Dean's cheek once in warning, then smacked him hard. "Jus' gonna take what I give, aren't you?" 

“Can’t get a handle on anything,” Dean jumped, teetering over the front seat. “Can’t do anything but take,” he admitted, voice low and breathless. 

"You like it though, don't you?" Eggsy asked, slapping him again. "Love it. Playin' my toy, lettin' me take care of you after." 

Dean tipped forward again with Eggsy’s hit, and shoved out his hand against the seat to tilt himself back up. “Yes, fuck, Eggsy,” he whimpered, then parroted back, “Love it.”

"You wan' more?" Eggsy asked, curving his fingers. "Tell me."

“More,  _ please _ ,” Dean begged, the heat rushing through him, aware of how spread and wanton he was laid out.   

“You ready for me to fuck you?” Eggsy asked, pulling his fingers away without waiting for an answer.

“Yes, Christ,” Dean growled, ready to feel exactly how Eggsy would push and pull and  _ use  _ him.  

“God yes,” Eggsy said, slicking his cock with a quick stroke, then grasped Dean’s hips. He pushed in hard, giving Dean only a short moment to adjust before he thrust.

The stretch burned and Dean cried out, the sting coursing through him and leaving pleasure in its wake. Eggsy started hard and fast, and Dean, after struggling a moment, reached back to hold onto the bench seat behind him, giving up trying to find any way for him to hold himself up. His cock rubbed against the soft leather seat, and Dean moaned as the friction teased him.  

“All righ’, luv?” Eggsy panted, gripping Dean’s hips tighter as he moved, pushing himself closer and closer. “Won’ be long. Needed this.”

“I’m- fuck-” Dean strained to hold on as Eggsy rose up higher on his knees, tilting Dean back down over the seat. He was needy and helpless, a slave to Eggsy’s whims, and he felt like the whorish fucktoys he’d seen in snippets of videos he’d watched online when he was alone for the night. The thought was almost too much, “I’m close, fuck-” he gasped.  

"Gonna come?" Eggsy asked, slapping him again as he thrust in hard. "Not yet. Wait for me. Gonna come together, yeah?" 

The last slap pushed Dean over the edge, he could only stutter, “Fuck- can’t-” before being overcome. As the first pulse of come spattered against the leather seat, Dean was quick to beg, “ _ Harder _ !” needing to fuck back hard against Eggsy’s cock, but not able to find the leverage.

"Shit," Eggsy cursed, snapping his hips forward. "Feel so fucking good around me. So tight, hot. Dammit, tiger. " He came with another thrust, bowing forward to bury his teeth in Dean's shoulder. 

Dean howled as Eggsy bit him, throbbing the last of his climax onto the front seat. He felt Eggsy’s cock jerk inside him and he moaned, knowing Eggsy was filling him full. He let go of the front seat, his arms sore from just trying to hold on, and let his arms hang down, trusting Eggsy to hold him upright as he rode out his climax.  

Eggsy groaned, sliding his hands up Dean’s side to hold him tight. “C’mere,” he muttered, pulling them both back into the front, awkwardly holding Dean against his chest. “Lemme see…” he said, glancing over his bite. “Didn’ break the skin, but it’s gonna be sore,” he said, dropping his head to Dean’s other shoulder. “You came before me,” he said, kissing over the marks.

“Fuck,” Dean cringed, “You’re going to punish me for that, aren't you?” 

“You think I should?” Eggsy asked, mouthing along his neck. “You think you want me too?”

“I dunno,” Dean stretched his neck out for Eggsy to reach, “Kind of? Is that weird? It’s like it’s just a part of you taking care of me. Don’t know if that makes any sense, or if I’m just a fucking weirdo.”

Dean shrugged the shoulder opposite of Eggsy’s mouth, “Don’t have to, if you don’t want.” He feigned nonchalance, but he was surprised at how much he actually craved it. Fuck, he wanted Eggsy to punish him, discipline him, and that didn’t make any fucking sense at all. He’d been punished a shitton as a kid, he’d been tortured in Hell, who the fuck would purposefully seek out more punishment as an adult? He was seriously a sick son of a bitch. He looked for a distraction, and found one immediately. 

“Oh shit! Baby!” he cried, looking at the mess he’d made. He groped around for his shirt to clean it up.

Eggsy smiled, handing him a package of wipes that had fallen out of the glove box earlier. “Here, luv. Those seats are leather, I wouldn’ panic too much.” He held his hands up at the glare Dean shot him, turning back to face the front and fixing his bottoms before pulling his shirt back on.

Dean cleaned the seat off, using at least half the package to ensure there wouldn’t be any staining. Once he was satisfied that the seat was well and truly clean, he handed the extra wipes back to Eggsy, and searched for his jeans. After trying for a minute to dress himself in the stifled cabin, Dean growled, “Fuck it,” pushed open the door and climbed out nude, clothing in hand. 

Eggsy hung his head out the window, letting out a wolf whistle as Dean bent to tug his jeans on. “We should do this more often, tiger,” he said, grinning from ear to ear. “Damn nice views along this road. Can’t take my eyes off ‘em. Full moon tonight an’ everything.” 

Dean gave Eggsy a dirty look. “Asshole,” he smirked, sliding back into the driver’s seat. He started the car, and teased, “I am good to drive now? Or you gonna get all handsy again?”

“Like you didn’t enjoy it,” Eggsy said, smirking at him. Dean pulled onto the road with a shake of his head, ignoring Eggsy. 

They made it back to the hotel, stopping once more for milkshakes. They took the elevator up to the room, Eggsy leaning silently against Dean as he spooned the last of his chocolate shake out and into his mouth. 

Dean sighed, mostly happy, and asked “You still up for Mount St. Helene’s tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy said, smiling up at him. “You okay?” he asked as they walked toward the room, digging a key from his pocket. “Seem kinda… dunno. I’d say tired, but it ain’t just tha’.” 

“Just those fucking freak outs, they take a lot out of me,” Dean shrugged. “Should be better after a good night’s sleep.” He felt a faint echo of the fear he’d felt when he thought Eggsy’d left him, but pushed it back to rest with his other demons.

“Dean,” Eggsy said, looking at him with concern as he opened their door. “You know what those are, righ’? They aren’ just freak outs.”

“Sure as hell feels like I’m freaking out,” Dean looked at him, curious about the concern on Eggsy’s face. “What, you think I’ve got Alzheimer's or some shit?”

“No,” Eggsy said. “You’re havin’ panic attacks, tiger. Least, that’s what it looked like to me.” He kicked off his shoes, sitting down on the bed and typing something into his phone. “C’mere. Look at this, and see which of them is happening to you,” he said, holding it out. 

Dean laughed, “I’m not crazy. It’s not like I can’t leave my house or some shit. And hell, if I were a nervous wreck, my job’d be damn near impossible.” He looked to Eggsy with a grin, which dropped when he saw the look on Eggsy’s face. “You’re serious,” he realized.

“Yeah, I am,” Eggsy said quietly, holding out the phone pointedly. “Please, Dean? You’re not crazy, but tha’ doesn’t mean you aren’t havin’ some issues. Jus’ look.” 

Dean walked over the bed, and sat next to Eggsy, untying his boot with one hand and taking the phone in the other. He read down a list of symptoms, confused. “I mean, c’mon. Sweating, shortness of breath, rapid heart beat? That’s just another day. And an upset stomach? I mean, a bad tuna sandwich can do that.”

He read further, quiet for a few moments. “Okay, well, the tightness in my chest, the shaking, the tingling-” Dean trailed off, toeing off his other boot, and made himself comfortable on the bed. He rolled to his front, without taking his eyes off the screen. 

“This-” he started to speak, then stopped, tapping a link. “Huh.”

Eggsy rolled onto his stomach, shuffling up beside Dean. “What is it?” he asked quietly. “Somethin’ startin’ to make sense?” 

“It’s just,” Dean ran a hand through his hair, “I mean, I grew up ‘round guys who did this from time to time. Everyone just told ‘em to man up and get it together. Thought it was just a thing people did.”

“They soldiers?” Eggsy asked. “Firefighters or police or somethin’?” He sighed. “Cause it ain’t something that people just do. Not really.” 

“Hunters, mostly. Not all of ‘em, but enough of them that it wasn’t much different than the ones who cried with adrenaline after a coming down from a hunt, or needed a bar fight after their partner’d been chomped on by some monster. Just shit people did.”

“I mean, what are you supposed to do about something like that anyway?”

Eggsy shrugged. “I mean, there’s medication, but that’s probably not gonna be the way you wanna go. Best thing is just to kinda find out what’s causin’ them. Realize when they’re happenin’, what you can do about them. Meybbe tell Sam so he knows what to do when they happen.” 

“Yeah, I don’t even know what to do,” Dean lifted up his still bandaged hand. “And sometimes they got reasons, sometimes they don’t. Ones that don’t have reasons piss me off the most. Like, looking back, knowing this-” Dean pointed to the screen, “I think the first time it happened was when I almost got Sammy killed. Dad was hunting this thing, so I was in charge, maybe ten years old? And fuck, we’d been stuck in a hotel room for a few days and I was losing my damn mind, so after I put Sammy to bed, I went next door to the arcade for a bit. Came back, monster trying to eat my own brother’s soul in his sleep. I froze, couldn’t even shoot it,” Dean shook his head, shamefully. 

“Dad came in at the last minute, and thank God, right? After he tore me a knew one, he dropped me off at Father Jim’s, and I fucking freaked out when they gave Sammy and I our own rooms. ‘Cause I knew, man, Sammy was my responsibility, and I couldn’t fuck up again. Learned something from it.”

Dean’s voice grew cold, “‘Course, when he ran away for three weeks…”

He tossed the phone back to Eggsy, “I gotta stop thinking about this shit. Shower?”

Eggsy nodded silently. “You wan’ company or no?” he asked. 

“Sure. We both gotta get clean, seems way less fun to do it separately.” Dean joked, but didn’t think he wanted to be alone right now anyways. Too easy to fall down into the pit of all his failures. 

“C’mon then,” Eggsy said, hopping off the bed and holding out his hand. Dean took ahold, and they went into the bathroom, Eggsy turning on the shower as Dean stripped. “Hmm… That’s gonna be one hell of a bruise,” Eggsy muttered, prodding at the bite mark on Dean’s shoulder. “I’m a fuckin’ heathen. Markin’ you up like that,” he continued, stepping away to take his clothes off. “Might-oi!” he said as Dean pulled him into his arms. “Tiger,” he said, narrowing his eyes as he rested his hands on Dean’s where they were wrapped around his waist. “Thought you wanted to get clean?” 

“Can do both,” Dean muttered against ear. “Just want this for a bit.” Then he chuckled with a breathy whisper, “And I like the marks.” He held onto Eggsy for a few minutes, then slowly slid to the floor, and sat beneath the rain shower, letting it pour over him. 

Eggsy looked down at him, confusion warring with fondness in his expression. He frowned, then knelt down on one knee, tipping Dean’s chin up. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Can I wash your hair?”

Dean looked up, almost surprised to see him there, “Oh! Um, yeah. Sorry, sweetheart. Just a long day, and now I’m starting to back up and try to understand thirty years of experience; questioning everything I thought I knew.” His voice sounded hollow to his own ears. 

“‘S okay,” Eggsy said. “You wanna zone out, go ahead. I gotchu.” He smiled and brushed his lips over Dean’s before standing and collecting the shampoo from the side of the shower. He lathered his hands, working it through Dean’s wet hair as the other man stayed quiet and complacent, drifting in his thoughts. Eggsy finished and rinsed his hands off, covering Dean’s eyes as the water washed the bubbles away. He tugged on Dean’s arm gently, soaping his hands and running them over his body after Dean stood. When he’d finished, he quickly did his own hair and body, then turned off the stream, reaching out for one of the hotel robes. He wrapped it around Dean, belting it loosely before taking one for himself and leading Dean back out to the bed. “C’mon, tiger.” Eggsy said, pulling Dean into an embrace. “Want pajamas or not tonight?” 

Dean shook his head, “Just you.” Relieving fear after fear, seeking out the panic, trying to categorize it, it was like a torrential thunderstorm raging over his head, and Eggsy was the shelter. Eggsy was where he could hide, and he let Eggsy handle the details, while he waited out the storm.

“All righ’,” Eggsy murmured. “Come on. Bed then.” He let go of Dean, pulling back the covers. and shedding his robe with a quick swipe of his hair to dry it. Dean did the same, almost imitating Eggsy, before allowing himself to be nudged on to the mattress, Eggsy tucking him into his arms. “Love you,” Eggsy murmured, holding Dean close to his chest. “Go to sleep, yeah? Don’t worry so much about it. Not righ’ now.”

He felt safe at the moment, in Eggsy’s embrace, as though the storm were dying down around him. He jolted a few times, before settling into a fitful sleep. 


	4. See Another Man

After tossing and turning the better part of the night, Dean was up at dawn. He made himself a cup of coffee and sat with his own phone, looking up more information. It was both strangely comforting to know what was happening to him, and disconcerting to find out there really was something wrong with him. 

He dressed, and looked to Eggsy. He looked even younger here, in the dim morning light, features softened by sleep, even the hard line of his jaw seemed delicate, somehow. Dean wondered if he was going to ruin Eggsy like he seemed to ruin everything else he touched. He sighed, but shook his head of the thoughts. 

He’d wanted to get a chance to surprise Eggsy, and it looked like he might be able to now. He pulled on his boots, and tucked his wallet in his back pocket. After remembering the scare from the night before, he texted Eggsy, and left the keys to the Impala on the nightstand next to him, so that when he woke, hopefully he’d know Dean had only gone for a walk. 

Granted, he didn’t need to know it was a specific walk, to a specific location, but Dean thought that was best left a surprise for their last day together.

-o-

Eggsy woke to an empty bed, rolling over in a panic when he didn't hear any movement in the room. Before he could leap out of the bed, he saw the keys and the message notification on his phone, and he relaxed. Checking the message revealed that Dean had gone for a walk, so Eggsy got up and made coffee, taking his mug out onto the balcony after wrapping himself in a robe again.

After a bit, the door opened and Eggsy smiled. "Hey tiger," he called out softly. "Out here." 

Dean walked to the balcony, and pressed himself against Eggsy’s back, placing a soft kiss below his ear. “Morning, sweetheart. Gorgeous view,” he said, wrapping his arms underneaths Eggsy’s as to not disturb his coffee. “City’s alright too, I guess.”

"You have a nice walk?" Eggsy asked, leaning against him with a content sigh. "Coffee ain't terrible if you want some." 

“Had some earlier. Actually stopped by a Starbucks to see what all the fuss was about. Couldn’t pronounce half the things on the damn menu, but the coffee wasn’t too bad. How’d you sleep?”

"Slept all righ'," Eggsy replied. "Had some weird dreams, but nothin' much. You tossed and turned a bit, didn' you?" 

“Yeah. Finally gave up at about dawn. Feeling better today, though.” Dean slid his hands down the softness of Eggsy’s robe, then let one hand wander over soft fabric over Eggsy’s cock. “This feels pretty good, too,” he teased, nibbling at Eggsy’s jaw.

"Does it?" Eggsy breathed, his question from the previous day coming back to him. "What you gonna do about it?" 

“Being out here bother you at all?” Dean asked, feeling Eggsy begin to swell under the robe. 

"Nope," Eggsy said. "Don' think anyone could see anyway. Don' care if they do." 

Dean continued to stroke him through the robe and with the other hand, carefully pulled Eggsy’s coffee from his grip, setting it on the table behind them. He spun them around, Dean’s back to the balcony’s glass edge, turning Eggsy to face him and the city beyond him, then dropped to his knees. 

“I hear this is the best way to enjoy the view,” Dean smirked, opening Eggsy’s robe and swallowing his half hard cock in one go. 

Eggsy groaned, pushing his fingers into Dean's hair and taking a tight grip. "Yer fuckin' mouth, tiger. Love it." 

The pain tingled over his scalp, raising the hairs on the back of his neck, and he spread his knees out. His cock strained against his jeans, and he moaned, slipping his hands around to grab Eggsy’s ass, encouraging him to go as deeply as he needed.

“Gonna fuck your throat,” Eggsy warned, then pushed in slowly, waiting to build up speed until he was sure Dean could take it. 

Dean groaned his approval, slacking his jaw, oddly grateful he’d learned this skill early on, even if he was fairly bitter as to how. His eyes watered as he attempted to find the proper rhythm to breath, his throat trying to contract around Eggsy’s cock. His mouth watered, spit leaking out the corners. 

Eggsy pushed Dean’s head further onto his cock, putting a hand out against the railing as his knees went weak with pleasure, hips jolting forward. “Fuck…” he breathed, eyes fluttering shut. “Fuckin’ hell.” 

Dean fell into the sweet spot, where he was relaxed, being easily used and manipulated, focused on Eggsy’s cock, the slide and pull, breaths keeping pace. He felt the coolness of the glass against his back, and he was dimly aware of how exposed they were, how almost anyone could see him. He groaned around Eggsy’s cock, imagining being watched, imagining how clear Eggsy’s claim over him must be. 

“Think people can see?” Eggsy muttered. “They’d know what we’re doin,” he said, a thrill shooting up his spine at Dean’s moan, at the idea that someone could see them together, like this. “Won’ last long tiger. You gonna swallow? Or should...should I come on your face, make you lick it off as much as you can.” 

Dean whimpered, gripping the backs of Eggsy’s thighs, achingly hard, trying to keep up as Eggsy picked up his pace.

“C’mon, tiger,” Eggsy said, thrusting in deep, tugging on Dean’s hair. “So close.”

He closed his eyes, took in a breath and swallowed around Eggsy.  

Eggsy groaned, loud and long, forcing Dean back off his cock. He took himself in hand, stroking quickly as the first shot of come struck Dean on the lips, dripping filthily down his chin and throat as the second came. He worked himself through, panting as his cock softened.

Dean kept his eyes closed, but his mouth open, feeling Eggsy pulse and drip down his face and neck. As Eggsy slumped over him, he pressed his cock back to Dean’s lips, and Dean licked him clean, moaning, knowing how loud Eggsy had been, and wondered if anyone heard.  

"Christ, C'mere tiger," Eggsy panted, pulling Dean up by his shirt and spinning him around to face the skyline. "You got those eyes open? Thinkin' about everyone who could see you like this, covered in my come?" he asked, fighting with the catch of Dean's jeans, tugging the zipper down and pulling his cock out. "Watchin' me take care of this, take care of you, make you come?" 

Dean’s gasp caught in his throat, and he etched out a strangled, “Holy shit.” He could see the people stories below on the street, as he held onto the railing. Not only could he feel the thick ejaculate drip down his cheek, and past the collar of his shirt, but the breeze this high up made it clear exactly how debauched he must look, as Dean’s face burned beneath the cooling stripes. 

The balcony shielded most of the breeze from his cock, and Eggsy’s warm hand and sultry voice kept him hard and wanting. He was almost afraid to look up, to see the other high rises, to see if someone above them might be watching. 

"Open your eyes," Eggsy ordered, tightening his grip on Dean's cock  "Look, tiger." 

The growl with which Eggsy commanded him shot through him, and Dean obeyed immediately. He raised his head just to eye level, not looking too closely in any direction. He wasn’t sure if it were the risk of being seen, or actually being seen that had him so close, but he was hesitant to find out. Eggsy’s breath was hot on his neck and Dean felt sweat bead at his temples despite the cold. 

"That's it. Are you imaginin' people seeing you like this? I own you when we're like this, tiger, don't I?" Eggsy growled, stroking him faster, running his free hand over Dean's neck. He dragged his teeth along the curve of Dean's shoulder, the dry cotton of his t-shirt a poor barrier to the sensation. "You're mine." 

“Fuck yes, yours, anything you want,” Dean gasped, “I’m close, please, sweetheart, fuck.”

"Gonna come?" Eggsy asked. "Beg for it. Beg an' let anyone who can see or hear you know you're begging." He wasn't sure if he was pushing Dean too far, but he kept going. "Everyone will know what kinda needy slag you are. How you let me fuck you, take care of you. Meybbe they'll be jealous." 

“Fuck, Eggsy, please, oh fucking hell, let me come,” Dean cried out loudly, barely holding on, arousal like fire in his veins and trying not to combust all at once. He babbled, shameless and desperate, hardly recognizing the whine in his voice, “Please, fuck, please sweetheart, I need to, you’ve-  _ please _ .”

“Come,” Eggsy whispered, voice full of heat and desire. “Now, Dean.” 

Instantly, Dean burst, the breathe punched out of him as he’d been thrown into a wall. He realized belatedly that it hadn’t been punched from him, but instead pulled by the obscene sob echoing out of his raw and roughened throat. 

Eggsy hushed Dean, soothing him with praise as the taller man’s knees buckled. “God, tiger. So gorgeous,” he murmured, stroking him through until Dean gave a quiet whimper of overstimulation. “All righ’. Inside, yeah? Let’s sit down.” He led Dean in, sitting on the edge of the bed, only half surprised when Dean went to his knees, laying his head on Eggsy’s thigh. “Fuck, Dean,” Eggsy said, petting his hair. “The things you do to me... “

Dean pressed dreamy kisses to the inside of Eggsy’s thigh, sated and pleased. He nuzzled closer, panting hot breath against Eggsy’s cock, “Too good for me,” he muttered. “Like being good for you though.” He drifted close, kissing the head of Eggsy’s cock, “So good.”

“You’re very good,” Eggsy confirmed. “But weren’t we supposed to go somewhere today?” He smiled down at Dean. “I don’ think you’re gonna be able to wake him up,” he joked, stroking Dean’s cheek. “C’mon tiger. Let’s get up an’ shower before tha’ gets glued to your skin. I’ll even help you.” 

With eyes drifting, he patted Eggsy’s leg, and announced, “‘Kay,” while staying exactly where he was.

“An’ you’re gone again,” Eggsy muttered. “Need to talk to you about this…” He sighed. “Dean. Stand up and go into the bathroom. Now, tiger.” 

Dean heard the order, and pushed himself to standing, wandering into the bathroom, then sitting back down on the floor. 

Eggsy followed him in, running the shower and leaned down, pressing their lips together. “Dean. Can you undress for me?” Dean nodded slowly, peeling off his shirt and pushing his jeans down, frowning as they caught on his boots. “Righ’,” Eggsy said, leaning down and pulling his boots off as Dean leaned his head on Eggsy’s shoulder. 

“Too good,” Dean mumbled, kissing against Eggsy’s neck and shoulders, occasional nipping then chuckling to himself. “Taste good. Feel good. Feel fucking awesome.”

“Dean,” Eggsy said, pulling him up. “Shower. C’mon. Water will feel good.” He glanced at the clock and frowned, realizing that they probably wouldn’t make their trip today. He shrugged, leading Dean into the spray, and taking a cloth to his face. “Hold still, luv.”

He gave Eggsy his blue steel look, holding it till Eggsy cracked a smile. “See, you love me.” His shoulders dropped suddenly. “Still gonna leave me.”

Eggsy's heart dropped at the almost childlike dismay and desperation on Dean's face. He gave a pained smile, leaning up to kiss him. "Hey, luv. Not goin' anywhere. We still got time. I gotta go back for a bit, but I'll see you again. Promise. All the time I can." 

“S’okay,” Dean shrugged, sitting back down on the ground. “Used to it by now. Long as you actually come back alive, I’m ahead of the game.”  

"I'll always come back," Eggsy said, sitting down beside him as the water fell down around them. "No way I'm staying away from you, tiger. I love you." He reached forward, cupping Dean's face. "Can't make me stay away." 

Dean smiled, but it was weak and unconvinced. Then it morphed into something real, a smile stained with sadness, “Love you, too.” He contorted himself, lay his head in Eggsy’s lap, the water falling like rain, and closed his eyes. 

"It's all righ''," Eggsy said hoarsely, throat clogging with emotion. "I know you do." He stayed there, stroking Dean's hair until his skin began to pucker. Rousing himself from the fog he'd fallen into, he coaxed Dean up, wrapping them in towels and making it back to the bed where they collapsed under the covers. Dean curled into him, burying his head in Eggsy's arms. Eggsy said nothing, and closed his eyes against the roiling emotions threatening to overwhelm him. 

-o-

Dean woke later, not entirely sure how long it had been. A cloud had settled over him, and God, what was he doing here? Eggsy was just so far out of his league. He said he loved Dean, but how could he? Him? He felt like Pretty Woman, a painted whore, and he couldn’t- Eggsy wouldn’t do that, not with what he knew- But would he? Was it a lie, did he suspect Dean and coax it from him? Was that all he was, was a gratuitous prize and a guaranteed fuck? No, not with the way Eggsy held him comforted him, it couldn’t be- too much hassle for far too little payout. And not, not Eggsy, man. He could tell, he knew his brain was just fucking with him, toying him, felt the same way he had when he’d had that ghost sickness, and his own fears turned on him. But that wasn’t real, and this wasn’t either. He needed the noise to stop.

Dean cursed silently, grabbed his phone and stepped from the room. By the time Eggsy woke up, the bottle of whiskey he’d had delivered to the room was over half gone.

-o-

Eggsy woke to the slosh of liquid in a bottle, and the sound of glass being set on a hard surface harder than it needed to be. He froze in the act of turning over, waiting for a hand to pull him from the bed and onto the floor before realizing that it was Dean- not  _ that  _ Dean, it was  _ his _ Dean. That he didn't have to panic.

He turned onto his back, sitting up without saying a word, watching as Dean brought the bottle up for another drink. 

“Hiya,” Dean smiled blearily. “Drink?”

"Put it down, tiger. Please," Eggsy said, leaning back against the headboard and closing his eyes. 

Dean frowned, but set the bottle down. “I put it on my card, not the room,” Dean explained, aware enough to sense something was wrong, but not entirely sure why.

"Not the problem," Eggsy replied. "Doesn't fuckin' matter," he said, suddenly exhausted. "Money doesn't matter anymore. Give it all up to have Harry back. But you... don't have anything I can give up to keep you. Meybbe my job, but tha's the only thing keep n' me goin' sometimes. But I leave here, get on tha' plane, you go on an' keep drinkin' every time you got problems need dealin’ wit' then I can't do tha'." He scrubbed furiously at his face, palms burning with friction before he stopped. "I can't let you do tha' to me. Let me always be wonderin' when yer gonna turn on me." He let his head thud back against the headboard, once, twice, frustration and anger pouring out through the motions when he refused to let himself cry. 

It was a lot all at once and Dean had trouble keeping up with it. He latched to a thread at the end, “Turn on you? What’s that mean?”

"What you think?" Eggsy muttered, glaring at him. "Can't fuckin guess cause you're too damn drunk to fuckin' think aren't you?" he snapped. 

Dean blinked, momentarily speechless at the venom in Eggsy’s voice. “The fuck, dude? First of all, not fucking drunk,” he huffed, “Not yet, anyways. But yeah, you’re gonna hafta be a little more goddamned specific. What the fuck does that mean? Turn on you? Only time I turned on someone, I’d been whammied by a fucking siren to kill my brother. So unless you know something I don’t, not really sure what you fucking mean.”

"You think tha' after going into the fuckin' military to escape my abusive alcoholic stepfather, after seein' wha' it did to my mum, I'm gonna let it happen to me?" Eggsy asked, furious even though he knew better. "Maybe I piss you off one day and that's the day that you've had just too much. Maybe you chose scotch insteada whiskey and that makes you a mean fucker. Cause I don' know an' neither do you. Maybe you don' hit me, but yer still gonna break me, cause it almost is worse. Seeing you let it fuckin' kill you, drinkin' yourself to an early grave." 

“Shit!” Dean climbed off the bed and paced the room, “One fucking drink and I’m suddenly a fucking drunk, beating you senseless and dying of cirrhosis?! I’m not the one getting off on roughing me up! You don’t see me worried that you’re gonna turn on me!”

"Fuck you!" Eggsy snarled. "You fuckin' ask me too. You think I wanna hurt you? Have I ever  _ actually _ hurt you? An' it's not one fuckin' drink. It's the fuckin' bottle!"

"Hurt me? Hell no, but apparently we're talking about some alternate reality where I'm fucking beatin' on you, so why wouldn't you be doin' the same damn thing?!" Dean hollered back, furious. "And the only reason I'm fucking drinking is 'cause I was trying to shut my fucking head up - that part that tells me I’m fucking worthless and pathetic and wasting your goddamn time, but ain't I a dumb son of a bitch?! Turns out, here you are, telling me in person!"

“I said maybe!” Eggsy said, jumping out of the bed, skin on fire with anger, the hotel robe clawing at his body. “I said maybe. I said I don’t know. I mean that I’m… I’m fuckin’ terrified that this is gonna turn bad, cause everything I have that’s good in my life turns bad, you stupid fuck!” he snapped, internally wincing at his own words. “You could fuckin’ tear me apart, because you’re more than I’ve ever had for myself an’ I don’t think I can stand losin’ you! Especially not if I lose you to yourself! To a fuckin’ bottle!” He let out a muffled scream of frustration, blocking his mouth with his hands.  

"A bottle? Fuck, take the damn thing!" He flung a hand out in the direction of the table. "Do whatever the fuck you want with it! I can understand if I'd been boozing every night, sure, but Christ! The only thing you'd lose me to is a goddamned monster. Hell, I'm more of a danger to myself than the damned whiskey!" 

Dean felt ridiculous in his boxers and tee having this argument, and started to shove his legs into his jeans. He needed more armor for this.

“You think I don’t know that?” Eggsy asked, voice cold. He blinked, finding it hard to take a breath in, feeling his fingers tingle. “You think I want you to have to fight everyday? You think I want to have to fight everyday? This is our fuckin’ life, Dean! What if it ain’t you who dies?” Eggsy punched the side of his hand against the wall, looking back at Dean. 

“What do I do then?” he asked, registering Dean dressing, but uncaring as long as he didn’t leave. “I can’t… I can’t take care of you if I’m not there! The one thing I can actually do for you, and if I’m dead I can’t! I can’t stop you from falling apart! I can’t stop you from hurtin’ yourself, or drinkin’ yourself to death because I’ll already be dead! What if you lose me? Cause you, you’re gonna be the last thought in my head if I’m fuckin’ bleeding out on the ground somewhere!” Eggsy made to continue, but the words froze in his throat, the only sound coming out a regretful, harsh sob as he realized the tears he’d been fighting were falling. He turned his head back to the wall, not wanting Dean to see. 

As Dean pulled on his shirt, he saw Eggsy turn. He had a pretty decent idea of why, but it didn't stop him from huffing a dry, humorless laugh. "That's what you're worried about? Death's not my issue. I know where you'll go, so long as you don't make a deal. And once you're gone, there's no fucking point for me, is there? I know where I'm goin' and it's not gonna be pretty no matter what."

He sat on the table, nestled between the flowers vases, and his voice grew softer that it had been since Eggsy'd woken up. "I told you I wasn't worth it. I told you were I was going. You were the one that said since I can't do anything about it, let's make it count now. So that's what I was trying to do, and I can't even do that right. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I mean, tell me, you tell me, and I'll do it."

“Fuck you!” Eggsy snarled, tears dripping down his face. “Fuck you, Dean. Cause you’re so sure you’re a monster, aren’t you? I don’ have the answers for why or how, but I do know you! An’ I don’ have the answers to what you’re supposed to do either! But, if you’re this monster that you say you are, then what does tha’ make me? I love you!” 

“Fuck me? Fuck me? I’m asking a goddamned serious question. You’re telling me I got all these problems, but I don’t what the hell to do about it. Feels like I’ve got some sorta cancer growing inside me and you’re telling me I gotta get rid of it, just let it go, don’t let it hurt, don’t let it fester or grow, and god-fucking-forbid I try to treat the symptoms. But I just want it  _ out _ , and no one can tell how that works.”

Dean hopped off the desk. “I know I’m not a fucking monster. I’ve met enough of ‘em. But being human doesn’t make me not shit. All I do is fuck things up. You keep saying you love me and I still have no idea why. I’ve got nothing to offer. I mean, with you, it’s obvious, you’ve got it all together, man. You’ve got the job and the suits and the money and the inner-fucking peace or some shit, and here I am. Only real purpose in life was to be a damned angel meatsuit. Didn’t even need me, just my fucking shell. Hell, even hunting’s just a zero sum game. I kill some of those assholes, they kill some humans, none it matters. Not in the end.

“So I’m fucking sorry that I was trying to drown all this fucking out with a little whiskey. Trying to pretend for just a little bit that I was more than-” Dean didn’t know how to finish the sentence, so he stormed to the bathroom, fetching his boots, and started to put them on.

"More than what?" Eggsy tossed back, shouting so Dean could hear him, even as he threw his clothes on, fury blinding him. "More than human? Cause you're not! You're just some fucked up, sad for himself piece of shit drunk! An' if you think I'm better than you, you're fuckin' wrong. I got suits I don't want, a job just because I didn' have any other choice! I was goin’ to jail, an' if I didn't end up there, I woulda been dead on the street! An' inner peace? I'm barely hanging on! I was in fuckin' pieces of that's what you meant to say, still am!" 

Dean’s features fell into a hard mask, cold and deadly as he came back out. “Look at that. You don’t even need to be drunk to turn on me.”

He picked up his wallet, keys, and phone and headed to the door. He turned back to glare at Eggsy, “With all that money, you think you could’ve picked up a better whore with less baggage.”

Eggsy was speechless as Dean walked out, the door shutting behind him. He stepped back, swiping the first vase he saw from the table, sending it crashing to the floor. Water seeped across his bare feet as he turned, heading for the bed and throwing himself on it as he began to cry properly, great wracking sobs shaking his frame. 

He bit into his arm, trying to still himself, trying to stop the sounds, the dull tang of iron flooding his mouth as he broke the skin, the pain not even registering. 


	5. We Don't Discuss

Dean’s first thought was the Impala, but it was fucking valet parked, and with the whiskey on his breath and the fact that all he really needed was someplace private to sober up, and most definitely not cry, that wasn’t going to work. He thought for a few moments, then settled on the sculpture park. There was large amount of space, there were some spots near the Sound he could sit, back to the city, back to fucking Eggsy, and wait out the booze. 

The words Eggsy said rolled in his head, confirming everything he’d ever thought about himself and more.  _ Stupid fuck _ .  _ Piece of shit _ .  _ Fucked up _ . He couldn’t blame Eggsy, it was all true. He’d tried to warn him, fuck, he’d really tried. 

God, he wished Eggsy would’ve believed him earlier. This-  _ fuck _ , this hurt so much worse, Eggsy teasing and taunting him, pretending to fucking care, only to tear him apart. It was almost fucking poetic that he starting the argument by pretending it was Dean that could possibly hurt him. 

The sky drizzled and by the time he got to the park, his shirt was fairly damp. But the park was empty and he was alone, so it served his needs. He stayed far away from the Calder, not able to bear looking at it, and sat on the wet grass. The chill began to set in; the spitting rain not helping. 

He pulled out his phone and texted Sam. 

<Can you get me a cheap room somewhere outside Seattle tonight? On the way to wherever you are.>

He’d do it himself, but the rain seeped into his eyes, falling down his face. He could barely see through the wetness. 

But he was most definitely not crying. 

<What's going on? What happened, Dean?> came the ting of an incoming message only to be followed up by Sam calling immediately. 

Dean ignored the call, but texted back <Nothing I didn’t see coming. Just get me the name of someplace cheap.>

<What happened with Eggsy? Do I need to call him?>

<Lose his number. Get me a damn room.> Christ, had he really gotten to the point where his little brother was practically willing to beat up his boyfriend for breaking his heart? He was so fucking pathetic. 

<Give me five minutes.> Sam replied. 

Dean didn’t respond, but held his phone in his hand, awaiting a response. He felt at war with himself, the smaller, hopeful, romantic side of himself trying to argue that it was just a fight, that Eggsy did love him, that there was nothing wrong with him wanting to be cared for, while the larger, dominating force of self loathing found example after example of how that wasn’t true. That Eggsy couldn’t love him if he could say those things, that there was nothing of value to him, that essentially, he was simply a weapon, a tool, an organic gun with no life beyond monsters. And even if there were, it’s not like it was meant for people like him anyways. 

<Call me. Have a room> Sam text. 

Dean sighed. He wasn’t getting out of talking to Sammy, he knew that. With his hand on his head, he called, and put the phone to his ear.

“Dean? What the hell happened?” Sam asked immediately as the phone picked up. 

“Apparently I’m a- let me get this right- ‘ _ just some fucked up, sad for himself piece of shit drunk. _ ’ But we knew that already. Fun while it lasted, but knew it couldn’t work out. Like I said, nothing I didn’t seem coming,” Dean was straight to the point, hoping Sam wouldn’t ask too many questions. “Where am I staying?”

“It’s a little bit out of the main area, by the warehouses. What the hell did he say that for?” Sam asked. “You two fighting over something?”

“A name, Sammy, come on. I know you’re trying to milk me for the details, but seriously?” Dean wiped at his eyes, just the distraction of talking to Sam helping, but knowing that having to revisit everything that had happened would only fuck him up worse. “What’ve you been up to? State parks and shit?” 

“Yeah. Loads of them,” Sam said, voice going soft as he heard the waver in his brother’s voice. “I’m actually pretty close to you… do- do you want me to come? Just a few hours drive.” 

“Nah, man, it’s fine. I’ll come to you tomorrow. You wanna help, find us a hunt or something. I need to get back to real life, you know?”

“Dean…” Sam hesitated, line crackling as he sighed. “Just… be sure that this isn’t fixable, okay? I never saw you as happy as you were with him.”

“He was pretty fucking clear about it. I can’t go back there,” Dean huffed an empty laugh, rubbing his arms to warm himself up, “Gonna need another duffle and some more clothes too. Didn’t even fucking think about it before I left.” 

"Dean. You need to go back. Even if it's just for some closure." Sam said, sighing again. "Make sure. Please, man. That's all I'm asking for." 

“Dude, he thinks I’m gonna be some abusive drunk. The only thing I’m going back for is Baby,” Dean snapped. “You don’t understand. I can’t, okay. I can’t face him again now that I know what he really thinks of me.”

“Why would he think that?” Sam asked. “What the fuck happened?” 

“Damnit, just give me the name of the motel, I don’t want to rehash it all right now, okay. It just fucking happened and I’m still fucking pissed and I don’t know why it suddenly went to shit, and I’m sitting in the fucking rain because I don’t have any place I can go, so  _ fuck _ , Sammy, can we just do this whole talking it out shit tomorrow?”

“Fine, fine. I’ll text you the name, all right?” Sam said. “Just relax. I’m sending it now.” He hung up, and seconds later Dean’s phone dinged with a confirmation number and an address.

-o-

_ Clink. Clink. Clink. _

Eggsy swore as his phone continued to go off and lifted his head, eyes rimmed red and throat clogged. “What, Rox?” he snapped, picking it up and slamming it to his ear. 

“Shit, Eggsy, what’s up?” she asked tenderly. They’d worked together enough that she immediately knew by the tone of his voice something terrible had happened. 

“I fucked up,” Eggsy said, tears starting up again. “I fuckin’ ruined everything an’ I jus’ can’t, I can’t lose him, an’ I did. I love him, Rox.”

“Oh, honey,” Roxy’s heart broke at the catch in his throat. “Talk to me. Tell me. I’ll bet it’s just a fight; I can help you.” She may not have dealt with relationships herself, but she’d coaxed more than one back together. It was a bit easier because she wasn’t blinded by love.   

“I woke up an’ he was drinkin’,” Eggsy said, squeezing his eyes shut. “An’ I heard the bottle an’ fuckin’ panicked. I-” He swallowed hard. “You know what tha’ meant. When I’d wake up at home to that noise.” 

“I know, dear, I know. But did he?”

“Did he wha’?” Eggsy sniffled. 

“Did he know about the specifics? I mean, you drink. You’ll drink beer and you’ve had cocktails with me before. Does he have any clue that it’s not drinking specifically, but that there are certain  _ things  _ about drinking which upset you?”

"I... no," Eggsy admitted. "I jus' I asked him to put it down and it jus' got real fuckin' ugly real quick. I didn' tell him… not everything about Dean." 

“Okay, that’s a start. So it wasn't something he was doing to antagonize you, but it was accidental. So let’s start with why he was drinking. Straight from the bottle, I’m assuming, since it caused you such anxiety?” Roxy was trying to break it down step by step, to figure out where the repair needed to happen. 

“Yeah,” Eggsy said, calming down a little as he listened to Roxy’s voice. “We had… we had a hard day yesterday. It was supposed to be good, but it wasn’.” 

“So since it wasn’t yesterday that upset you, I’m going to assume hard means emotional. He was drinking away his emotions, which bothers you anyways, and then straight from a bottle. So you were already primed to be on edge and ready for a fight. How’d it start?” 

“The fight today or tha’ shit yesterday?” Eggsy asked, sighing. “We went to the beach. An’ we started talking about Harry, and then we were fine. Then he started talkin’...” 

Eggsy hesitated. “Hey, Rox. Remember tha’ conversation we had a while ago? Well… I take care of Dean. An’ I hurt him sometimes, but he asks for it. An’ we both like it… But he was worried tha’ he was takin’ too much and then it jus’ got… worse. He thinks he’s a monster, cause he’s hurt people before. An’ I jus’...” Eggsy groaned in frustration. “I can’t fix this.” 

“Okay, there’s a lot there, dear. First - you say you take care of him; you sometimes inflict pain. Are we talking a smack on the arse once or twice, or something more? And is that the only thing you’re doing, or are there other ways in which he’s giving over control to you?” Roxy went to the stove to heat up the kettle. This was going to be a long call. 

"Just hitting, an' not much else. But I choked him once. Not hard," Eggsy said, rolling onto his back. "An' I wash him, give him orders sometimes. He does this thing where he kinda just fades away an' lets me have control. Like he's sleepwalkin'. Not even there." 

“Oh, Eggsy,” Roxy sighed, understanding a bit better. “Orders? Do you control his orgams? Humiliate him? Give him punishments?  Objectify him? Only during sex? Outside of sex? And how often? I don’t need numbers, but give me a percentage or something to work with.”

"I do tha'," Eggsy said, nodding. "I don' really punish him, I haven' needed to, but I said we'd talk about it ‘cause yesterday he came when I said he couldn'. But the he just kinda… floated last night so we didn't talk about anything. So yeah, maybe like... seventy five percent."

“You know I love you, honey, but Christ,” Roxy held her face in her palm, “How you could end up in a fairly serious dom/sub relationship without doing a lick of research is beyond me. Okay, I’ll begin with first things first. Actually, first things first, let me get my tea.”

She poured herself a cup and sat on her sofa. “The floaty thing? When he fades away? That’s subspace. Which honestly, given the length of your physical relationship is pretty damned impressive. And if I had to guess, he got floaty early today, or late yesterday, yes?”

"Yeah... " Eggsy said slowly. "But it's not like what you do… I mean. I only hurt him as much as he asks. I don't really like tha' part of it. I mean, I do, but it's about after. When I'm taking care of him, cuddlin' him if he cries or shit." 

He sighed. "Why is the floatin' impressive?" 

“It normally only happens under a lot of pain, or a lot of trust, and if you aren’t delivering much pain, then it is obviously the latter,” Roxy explained. “So have you told him you don’t like hurting him? Are there any parts you do like? Or are you just humouring his submissive side with no desire to be dominant yourself?”

"No. I like takin' care of him," Eggsy said. "I told him tha'. It's like, takin' care of him, is how I take care of myself? Does tha' make sense?" 

“Okay, we’ll come back to that. So what I am guessing happened is that he experienced a sub drop. Sometimes, even when you care of your sub carefully, bringing them back down to earth like you ought to, the change in neurochemistry can make them plummet. You know how after we finish missions, sometimes you just feel almost dead inside for day or two? It’s the same concept. So he dropped. And since neither of you really understand what you’re doing, neither of you recognized it for what it was. So he reached for the booze, and you lashed out at his attempt to self medicate.”

Roxy sipped her tea for a moment to let this sink in. 

"So… did I make him drop?" Eggsy asked hesitantly. 

“Probably. But it’s not that you did anything wrong. I know you, Eggsy, and you didn’t leave him or abandon him while he was ‘floaty,’ to use your own term. So you cared for him well, I’m sure, but sometimes the drop is inevitable. And though you didn’t specify, I’m guessing the rough day yesterday involved him and some story of his, so the two combined might have made it more likely. And now we know the why.”

She paused, then said, “The second question is how. How did it start? How are you so sure that you fucked up, and not him? How did it end?”

“It ended with him walkin’ out. I… I said somethin’ I shouldn’t have,” Eggsy said, cheeks flaming with shame. “I hurt him, Rox,” he admitted, voice sounding small and guilty even to his own ears. “I… told him he was a fucked up, sad for himself piece of shit drunk.” 

“My,” Roxy looked down at her empty cup, thinking she might need something stronger, “You really went for the kill there, didn’t you? Okay, okay, you already know that, let’s not dwell. And how did it start?”

“Told you. Woke up and heard the bottle and just… panicked.”

“What does that mean? Did you punch him? Did you throw the bottle at the ground? Did you withdrawal? Or did you attack?”

“I… I was quiet an’ then I told him tha’ I couldn’t be waitin’ around for him to turn on me. Not after seein’ what it did to my mom…” Eggsy sat up, pulling his knees to his chest. “An’ then he got angry, cause he couldn’t understand what I meant, and I told him he was drunk.” 

“I don’t want... I’m afraid that I’ll end up like her. An’ it’ll be too late when I realize. I don’ wanna lose him, but I think I’m too fucked up in the head. He needs someone better, someone who can fix wha’ he thinks is broken. Not someone who panics when they hear a fuckin’ bottle bein’ set down, “ Eggsy said, noticing that his arm had finally stopped bleeding. He picked idly at the scab, shrugging. “I jus’... I ruined this. An’ I love him, Rox. I do. An’ I think tha’ if I lose him… I won’t know what to do.” 

“I think we can work through this, I do. And honestly, I think you need each other. It sounds like you need to care for someone, because being in control is something you’ve never had until recently. And I’m guessing he’s the opposite. Always in control, whether he wants to or not, and he just needs someone to take the reins.” She went to the kitchen as she spoke, pouring herself a glass of wine. 

“Where is he now?”

“I don’t know,” Eggsy whispered. “I don’t know, he just left an’ I shoulda gone after him, but I didn’ I just got mad and… shit. I gotta clean that up.” He set the phone down and hit the speaker button, rubbing at his face. “I broke a flower vase. An’ then… I finished cryin’. I started earlier, when he was here, but the door shut an’ I lost it, Rox.” 

“What did he take with him?”

“His keys. Wallet. Phone,” Eggsy replied, the image of Dean leaving burned into his mind's eye.

“Is there anything at the hotel he needs to come back for? Clothes, car, gifts, money?” 

“His car an’ clothes.”

“Would he answer if you called?”

“I don’t know…” Eggsy said. “What if he doesn’ wanna talk to me? What if I fucked up too much?” 

“Honestly, the best way to talk to him? Go sit in his fucking car until he shows up. If what you told me is accurate, he won’t be leaving that behind. I mean, sure, you can try calling first, since that’s easier. But worst case? Plant your arse in the car until he comes to fetch it.”

“Cars locked,” Eggsy said. “He’d fuckin’ kill me if I broke into his car…” He sighed and then laughed brokenly. “I… dammit, Rox. I love him. An’ he could break me.” 

“Then sit behind the damn thing. He won’t run you over. The problem is that you were both in a vulnerable state, and neither of you knew it. If you had understood what he was going through, or if he had understood you better, this wouldn't have happened.”

Roxy took a large gulp of her wine, then continued. “You need to try and call. If he’s receptive, meet him someplace private, but public where you can talk in an hour or two. If he’s not, sit behind his car until he shows up. Either way, you and I need to talk, because if you are going to keep doing this thing with Dean, ‘ _ taking care of him _ ’, you need to know more.”

“Can… Can I call you back after?” Eggsy asked. “I’m gonna call him now. But, what if he doesn’ pick up?”

“I told you, the car is key. He won’t leave it behind, and you talk. I can’t guarantee it’ll go over perfectly, but you just need the chance to talk to him. You can’t let him leave without understanding what happened. To both you and him.”

“Okay,” Eggsy muttered. “All righ’.” He took a deep breath. “I’ll call you righ’ back okay?” He hung up before he could lose his nerve, and dialed Dean’s number, body strung tight with anticipation. 

-o-

Dean looked at the number, and his whole body ached, tinged with pain and agony, each sensation made worse by the cold. His chest caved in and he couldn’t imagine hearing the hate in Eggsy’s voice right now. He rejected the call, but texted back. 

<Keep the clothes, I’ll buy more. I’m picking up Baby in an hour or two.>

Eggsy bit his lip so a broken whimper wouldn’t escape him. He hung up before he could leave a voicemail, phone pinging with an incoming text. He read it and then grabbed his shoes from beneath the bed, shoving them onto his feet as he called Roxy back. “He didn’ answer.” 

“It was worth a shot. Head to the car. In the meanwhile, who is he talking to? You’re talking to me, who is on his side?”

“Uh,” Eggsy grabbed his keys. “He doesn’ really have anyone but his brother.”

“Would he talk to you? God knows I could harass Merlin til we found his number.”

“I dunno. He might?” Eggsy said. “I got his number, though. Should… Should I call him? Isn’t that bad?”

Roxy smiled sadly, even if Eggsy couldn’t see it. She asked softly, “Does it matter?” 

“It… I don’t want him feeling like his brother’s betrayin’ him or somethin’” Eggsy said, glancing around and grabbing his wallet as he headed out the door. “But, I’ll do anything to get him back.” 

“It’s your call. But either way, we still need to talk. You wanna to do it now, or call me back from the car?”

“I think I’m gonna call Sam. Dean’s message said tha’ he wouldn’t come back for like an’ hour or two. That’s enough time, righ’?”

“Sounds like he’s sobering up then, which is good. Yeah, I think you’ve got time.” Roxy encouraged. “You know I love you Eggsy, and I’m here for you, regardless of outcome, right?”

“I know, Rox. An’ I might need some you an’ me time when I get back,” Eggsy admitted. “Nothin’ like a Roxy hug, righ’?”

“Damn straight,” she said, “I expect to hear from you within the hour, okay?” 

“Yeah, Rox. Thanks,” Eggsy said, and smiled hesitantly.

“Go get him.”

She hung up and Eggsy searched his phone as he went out, taking a seat on a low cement wall by the Impala. He found Sam’s number and dialed.

“Hello?” 

“Hey,” Eggsy said with a wince. 

“You have a fuck ton of nerve calling me,” Sam snapped. 

“Look, Sam. I jus’, I gotta know he’s okay,” Eggsy said quickly. 

“He’s fine. He’s pissed, and he’s hurt. What the fuck happened?” Sam asked.

Eggsy tugged at his hair. “I fucked up. We had a fight, an’ I think I lost him for good.”

“He said you called him a piece of shit, among other things,” Sam said accusingly, slamming his water bottle into the nearest trashcan.

“I did,” Eggsy whispered brokenly. “I did. I didn’t mean it. I just got…”

“Got what?”

“I woke up an’ he scared the shit outta me,” Eggsy said. “Jus’ went down from there, and it was bad.” 

“Eggsy. I’m gonna tell you this one time. You better fix this,” Sam said. “I’ve never seen him as happy as he was with you. But you lose him, he’s gone. Understand?” 

“I understand.”

“Apologize. And I’m gonna talk to Dean, too. Tell him to apologize, cause I know he said some stuff he probably shouldn’t have.”

“Kay.” They hung up and Eggsy dialed Roxy back immediately.

“Well?” She didn’t even bother with a greeting.

“He said I needed to apologize. Tha’ Dean was pissed and hurt. Tha’ he was gonna tell Dean to apologize too.” 

“Sounds about right. You’ll just have to wait for a bit then. So can we talk about this thing you’ve got going on with him, then?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy said letting his leg swing down from the wall. “What about it?”

“I’m going to talk to through some basic information, so that hopefully you can explain it to Dean. But you’ll need to do some actual research, you understand?” She didn’t wait for him to answer before continuing. “It’s going to be imperative that you actually discuss, outside of sex, the dynamic between you two. Including, if you are uncomfortable providing physical pain, then you need to tell him that.”

“Should I like, be takin’ notes?” Eggsy asked, half joking, half serious.

“You have questions, call me,” Roxy answered. “The first thing you need to do, once all this blows over, is sit down and talk about your limits. Do you even know what your limits are in terms of being dominant? What do you like, what are you tepid about, what do you abhor?”

“No, Rox,” Eggsy said, feeling suddenly overwhelmed. “I mean, I don’t like hurtin’ him. Tha’s a start right? I like takin’ care of him after, and I like controllin’ when he comes? Tha’s okay?”

“Yes, it’s all okay. It’s just important to  _ know _ . I mean, do you know what Dean likes, what he’s indifferent about, and what he absolutely doesn’t want?”

“I could guess,” Eggsy said quietly. “But I don’t. Not really.”

“This will help. And you both need to understand subspace, subdrop. And it’s possible for doms to get the same drop. You should discuss a safeword, something that either of you can say to stop everything. Does he want to be punished? Because there are punishments out there that don’t require pain, if you don’t want. I mean, if humiliation is his thing, dress him up how you’d like, something he’d never wear. Make him call you Master, Daddy, or anything really, that might be hard for him. It sounds like you are both into orgasm control; denying him orgasms could be just as effective as forcing him to have them.”

Roxy finished off her wine, “There are so many ways you can take care of him, Eggsy. But you can’t keep doing this without talking about it, or this sort of misunderstanding is going to happen time and time again. Do you think, if you can get past today’s problems, you could actually talk to him about these things?”

Eggsy nodded, clearing his throat. "Y..yeah, Rox. I think so. But I gotta get him to talk to me first. Lemme apologize an' hope it's enough." 


	6. There's Somewhere for Us

Dean looked around at the park. He was thoroughly drenched, shivering from the cold, but it had stopped raining, so he considered that a win. He stood, and it was evident that the few hours had done him good; he couldn’t feel even the slightest delay in his reaction time. He began to head back to the hotel. 

Sam had called a half dozen times, and left a few texts, telling him how sorry Eggsy was, and that he probably needed to apologize too. Dean wanted nothing more than to forget this whole day ever happened; to be back asleep in Eggsy’s arms, but Eggsy had made it so clear how worthless he was. Eggsy didn’t need Dean, didn’t want Dean, and he’d be damned if he were going to beg.

He instantly flashed to the morning, and how he’d begged desperately to come. Perhaps he was only the type to beg for sex, then. And not for love. Either way, Eggsy didn’t want him anymore, and he knew he needed to accept that.   

Eggsy sat up at the familiar footsteps. He'd known Dean would come get his car, and he knew he'd only have a few minutes before Dean fled. "Dean?" he said quietly, stepping down off the wall. 

Dean voice was tired, harried, and soft. “Eggsy? What are you doing here? Haven’t I done enough damage?”

"I'm sorry," Eggsy said. "I'm so fuckin' sorry. I didn't mean the things I said. I shouldn' have said 'em. They're not true.You're not... you're not a piece of shit, you're not a drunk. I jus'... you scared me, an' it's not an excuse but please lemme try and fix this. I… I can't lose you. Not you too." 

Dean sighed deeply. “I know what I am, it’s… you don’t have to pretend anymore, okay? I get it, I do. You tried. I know.”

"I'm not pretendin' anything," Eggsy said. He stretched out a hand for Dean, only to hesitate and let it drop. "I love you. All of you." 

“C’mon. You can’t keep doing this to me. Fuck if I don’t love you with everything I’ve got, but you can’t say you love me, then turn around and tear me apart like that,” Dean couldn’t even find it in him to raise his voice. He was just tired, miserable, heartbroken. 

Eggsy choked back a sob. "I… ruined this. Ruin everything, break everything, lose everything. Least this time it was my fault." He met Dean's eyes. "Will you at least, jus' know if you drive away, I still love you. An' it'll break me apart to lose you, watch you leave. But if you gotta… I won't stop you. 'M so, so sorry." 

“Damnit, sweetheart, what am I supposed to do? I’m so fucking weak when it comes to you,” Dean leaned against the trunk of the car. “I’d do anything for you. Even after all that shit upstairs. I’d still sell my fucking soul for you, you know that, right? And it’s fine you don’t feel the same. It’s- honestly, I don’t expect it. But if you just need a fuck, let’s call it that. If you want some sort of vacation where you just get laid, tell me. But it’s just too damn easy to be in love with you, and I can’t let you jerk me around, okay?”

Eggsy ran his hands through his hair. "How can I make you understand?" he asked. "'M not lying to you. I'm not jerkin' you around. I don't wanna just fuck. If I had you for the rest of my life I'd be happy. You. An' just you. No money, no suit, no job. I don' even care if we never fuck again. Jus' wan' you." 

“So what the fuck happened up there, then?” Dean gestured upwards. “What the hell did I do that was so bad you needed to rip into me like that?”

"You scared me," Eggsy said, suddenly bone dry weary. He took a few steps back, sitting on the wall again. "I don' mind the drinkin'. I don'. But waking up to you, with most of a bottle gone. Tha' noise, when you set it down... tha' scared me. Because..." He hesitated. "Wakin' up at home, if I woke up to tha'... meant bad news, tiger. Meant I'd be limpin' to school. Bruised and bloody, an' tellin' everyone else tha' they should see the other guy." 

Dean leaned against the Impala, feeling as tired as Eggsy looked. The whiskey was gone from his system, and the pieces were starting to fit together. “I can’t do fireworks, not anymore,” he said, nodding his head in agreement, the anger and rage on his face starting to fade. 

Eggsy frowned. "Wha'?" he asked, looking carefully at Dean. 

“It’s the sulfur. Demons smell like sulfur,” Dean explained. “And fireworks, that smell, always leaves me high strung, like I’m waiting for an attack to happen. And it’s- I hate it. It’s the same thing, yeah? You hearing the bottle?”

Eggsy nodded in sudden understanding. "Yeah. Like I can feel the hits about to come, jus' hoverin' above me," he said, face drawn. "I hate it. I don't drink outta bottles much any more. Never, really." 

“Not to be a dick, ‘cause I get it, but don’t you think you coulda just told me that? If I knew it was gonna bother you, I wouldn’t of done it. Or I’d have left a note and hit up a bar for a few drinks. Hell, I’d get something pink and fruity if it made you feel better.”

"I shoulda," Eggsy replied setting his head in his hands. "I shoulda, but I can't take back what I did now. I jus' gotta hope tha' you'll forgive me, tiger."

“Don’t think forgiveness is the issue. I mean, maybe we’re just crazy, thinking this could work. Between the jobs, the distance, our fucking baggage…” Dean trailed off. “How’d we think we could pull this off?”

“We can,” Eggsy said. “I know we can. Please…” he said quietly. “Please don’ leave me.” 

“Least we can do is move this upstairs, yeah?” Dean shrugged, hoping to get someplace warm. “No need for anybody else to hearing our business.” He glared at two women who had been bent over their open trunk for the last five minutes, not moving. 

Eggsy couldn’t help but bite back a smile. “Yeah,” he said quietly. He followed Dean up, silently unlocking the door and leading the way in, only to remember the shattered vase. 

Dean stopped in the doorway, seeing the glass strewn on the floor. He took a deep breath, and continued in carefully. He kept on his boots, and knelt beside the mess. Delicately, he picked up the shards, collecting them in the bottom piece of the vase, which was more or less intact, though the edges were sharp. The pieces were big, and Dean suspected, that if he wanted to, and if he tried hard enough, he could probably piece it back together. He set the pieces on the table, reminding himself to ask Eggsy if he wanted it fixed, and knelt down again to pick up the flowers scattered across the room.

Eggsy watched, half of him shocked at Dean’s careful collection of the pieces and the other half close to doing something, though what it might be he didn’t know. He walked past, sitting on the edge of the bed and slipping his shoes off, scooting back against the headboard to watch Dean. 

There were at least two dozen flowers, some with stems broken, others with creased petals. Dean picked each one up, cradling them in his left arm as to not damage them further. He still loved the colors, though right now instead of passion and fire, they reminded him of blood and rage. He didn’t know what he was doing, other than it seemed important right now to take care of this, to pick up the pieces, to collect the flowers, and to set the room to rights before facing Eggsy.

Once done, Dean walked back to the table, realizing the flowers weren’t going to fit in any of the other vases. He sighed, then gingerly lay the flowers over the broken vase. He stood, trying to think of what to say; how to start the conversation. Or what conversation they should even be having. 

"Dean?" Eggsy said, voice suddenly young and unsure. "Can I ask you somethin'?" 

Dean turned, and nodded his head. “Yeah, go ahead,” he answered quietly.

"Why'd you come to me tha' first night?" 

Dean was caught off guard, and he blinked. “What do you mean?”

"Back before all this happened," Eggsy said. "After we'd finished with the vamps, and you showed up at my room. Why'd you come?" 

Dean’s first thought was flippant,  _ for the sex _ , but he realized immediately that it wasn’t entirely true. He’d never considered hooking up with a guy since he’d been hunting with Sammy. What had made Eggsy so special? So hard to resist?

Once the answer came to him, he felt stupid that it was so obvious. 

“Because you were still interested, even when you knew who I was and what I did. No one ever wants me, they want the FBI agent, the lawyer, whomever I’m pretending to be for a case. But never me,” Dean shrugged. “You did.”

"So, if you knew then… do you think you can see tha' I still do?" 

Dean moved to the foot of the bed and sat down, “Yeah, think so. But I can’t make my shit just go away. I mean, I can try to do better, but if you can’t handle me with baggage, then you’re gonna need to find someone else.” 

"I can handle you with baggage," Eggsy replied. "I jus' don't know if I can handle my own sometimes. Mean... I fucked up today. I know I did. But I'm gettin' better an' you… you make me better." 

“You got anything else I should know about? Things that set you off? ‘Cause I don’t want to do this again.”

"Tha's about it. The bottle thing. An' I don't do well with broken glass either, but I can handle tha' unless you're comin' after me with it. But I know you won' do tha'." Eggsy said, with a short sigh as he tipped his head back. "You? Jus' fireworks?" 

“Think so. I mean, if I think of something, I’ll let you know, yeah?” Dean paused. “Are we- we okay now? Not totally back to normal, but better?” 

"Yeah, tiger. We're good," Eggsy said, opening his eyes and looking at him. He held out his hand, hoping Dean would take it, anxious for his touch.

Dean crawled up on the bed, past Eggsy’s hand, and looked up as he came close to Eggsy’s side, gesturing to his chest. “Can I-?”

"Please," Eggsy said, too desperate for his own comfort.

Dean rested his head against Eggsy’s chest, wrapping an arm around his waist. He could hear Eggsy’s heart beat, he could feel the warmth of his body against the chill of his own, the rise and fall of Eggsy’s chest as he breathed, and he never wanted to let go. 

"Dean?" Eggsy said quietly, hesitantly stroking a hand through his hair. "I… I think we need to have another conversation." 

“Is it better or worse that this one? ‘Cause if it’s worse, I can’t handle that until at least tomorrow.”

"Well...it's about sex, so..." Eggsy shrugged.

“Am I doing something wrong? Taking too much?” Dean asked, his voice betraying him, as well as the instant stiffness of his body.

"No, luv. I think I might be," Eggsy said. "I was talkin' to Rox earlier, an' she told me some things." 

“You? Fuck, you are doing everything right, if we’re talking ‘bout sex. Fucking love it.” Dean smiled with the memories. “But what’d Rox say? I know how you trust her, I’m guessing it’s relevant?”

"Yeah," Eggsy said, petting Dean's hair slowly, feeling the man relax against him. "She said we're in a D/S relationship. An' I'm your Dom... " 

“Okay,” Dean paused, thinking, “That sounds familiar, like something I’ve heard before. But you’re gonna hafta remind me why.” Dean leaned into Eggsy’s touch, needing it after the day they’d had.

"I take care of you, righ'?" Eggsy started. "But, I also kinda control you, say when you can come and tell you what to do. There's other stuff too, righ'? Like when I was askin' you if you wanted people to see, tha's humiliation. An' when I smack you, yeah?" 

“So it’s just gotta name? Why does it matter what we call it?”

"Because there's other stuff we gotta do, like to be safe. Need to talk about what we want, what we don' like. And you know when you get all floaty and shit? That's gotta name too." 

“Seriously? I just thought it was called good fucking sex. What do you mean safe, though? What we’re doing’s not dangerous.” Dean looked up at Eggsy.

"But it could be," Eggsy said. "Like what if I hit you too hard?" 

“I’d tell ya,” Dean answered. “I mean, I feel like I’m missing something, like there’s more to this.  Am I missing something?”

"I think we just need to talk about the stuff we like. Wanna try. Don't wanna try. Like," Eggsy hesitated. "You like it when I spank you, righ'?"

“Yeah.”

"Well, I don't really like it," Eggsy admitted. 

“Oh.” Dean said softly. “I’m sorry.” He felt like shit. How could he miss this? He thought it was something they shared, and it turns out he was just a sick fuck all along. He pulled away from Eggsy, turning his face away. “What else?”

"I don' like it cause I'm always worried I'll go too far," Eggsy explained, coaxing Dean closer to him again. "I like after a lot. When you're cryin' for me, or beggin' to come. If you wan' me to hit you, I will. But I wanna put like some rules. Like... I won't just hit you, I have to be fuckin' you too or somethin'. Is tha'... is tha' okay? 

“I don’t get it. I mean, you’ve only ever done that when we’re fucking, how is this different?”

"Well..." Eggsy sighed. "I'm jus' sayin. If you wan' me to do it outside of sex, like a punishment or somethin', I don' think I can. An' tha's another thing. Do you wan' me to punish you? Like for in the car, when you came too soon?" 

“We don’t have to do anything,” Dean turned away to the edge of the bed again, sitting up, shoulders hunched. 

"But… I wan' too," Eggsy said. "If you don' fine, but I wanna know why..." 

“Fuck, it’s pretty obvious I need too much, isn’t it? You’ve been doing shit you don’t even like. I’m just fucking sick, and I don’t deserve any of this. And you don’t deserve to suffer for it.” Dean slid off the bed, sitting on the floor and burying his head into his arms. 

"Dean," Eggsy said, climbing down beside him. "You're not sick," he said, and set an arm around Dean's shoulders, pulling him close. "The only thing I don't like is hitting you if we ain't having sex, an' I haven't ever done tha'. I'm just tellin' you I don' wanna ever do that." 

“But you just said you don’t like the spanking, which means you’ve only been doing it for me. Which means I’ve been pressuring you into shit you don’t want. I mean, I just don’t even know anymore. What are we allowed to do then? ‘Cause god knows I apparently have no clue what you like.”

"What do you think I like?" Eggsy asked. "Tell me. Gimme a guess." 

“How the hell should I know? You’ve been indulging me, so I can’t tell if any of it was just for me or not,” Dean fell despondent, but realized he could answer the question outside of sex at least. “Honestly? I know you like sushi and that nasty pickled ginger shit, and that one Theo VanGlassensomethingornother dude at the museum. You like Rox and JB, you like Stella. You like showing off.”

Dean shrugged, “But now I realize I have no fucking clue what you like during sex; because apparently you’ve been hiding it. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?”

"I keep tellin' you," Eggsy said. "I been tellin' you. I like takin' care of you after, like control. I like it when you beg for me, tellin' you when to come. Like it when we could get caught." He sighed. "I like all of that. And most of all, I like you. Way you feel under me, around me. Wonder what you'd feel like in me, but we haven' even talked about that. Every time I bring it up you kinda freeze, tiger. So I was thinkin' about it, an’ I don' really know what you like. What you wan' me to do." 

“I like you takin’ care of me. But I liked the spanking, and now I feel like shit for it since apparently you don’t. I like you in me, I like-  _ Fuck _ ,” Dean blushed,” I feel like a fucking pervert.”

He took a deep breath, and tried to continue, “I like you making me feel dirty, I like you tying me up; just so long as you don’t put me in the whole drawn & quartered position. Honestly, I like the idea of you punishing me, but clearly I fucked that up.”

Dean ran this hands through the back of his hair, tilting his head downwards. “I don’t know anymore what’s okay and what’s not."

"Well, what if we try different punishments?" Eggsy asked. "Rox had some ideas, you wanna hear them?" he said hesitantly. "We can actually write a list, so we both know… if you want. Meybbe each of us do a list of what's yes, maybe and no way in hell? Something like tha'?" 

“Fuck, I don’t even know what the options are - I mean, what other sorts of things are there?”

"Well, for punishments and stuff, Rox said that I could do somethin' that's hard for you. Dress you up, humiliate you. Not lettin' you come like at the karaoke bar... Make you call me something like "daddy"?" Eggsy said, carefully watching Dean for his reactions. 

Dean licked his lips, some of that didn’t sound like punishment at all. “Yeah, we could try some of that. I mean, none of that’s on the ‘no way in hell’ list,” Dean admitted, resting his head on Eggsy’s shoulder. “How do other people do this? Is there some book or something I was supposed to read in high school or what?”

Eggsy snorted. "Nah. Rox goes to clubs an' shit back home. But I think most people use the Internet."

“There are clubs?!” Dean asked, “That’s legal in your country?”

"Guess so," Eggsy said with a shrug. "Probably here, too." 

“Yeah, no.” Dean laughed, “Brothels are only legal in Nevada.”

Eggsy elbowed him gently. "Not a brothel," he said. "It's a club. Like for dancing, only this one's a little more exclusive. Rox actually has a membership card. Basically, way she explained it is you go in and there's other people there who wanna play or you bring someone with you." 

“Huh,” Dean looked thoughtful. “So you like taking care of me, there other things you wanna try? Is there a list somewhere?”

“I dunno,” Eggsy said. “Guess we could try and find one, right? If we don’... we could text Rox. Unless you’re not comfortable with tha’.” 

Dean huffed, “Yeah, it sounds like she knows plenty already, I’m not sure it matters at this point. Long as we don’t get overly detailed with her, y’know?” Dean pushed against him, “So you talked to her about it, she gave you some ideas; anything you liked? Something maybe we can try later?”

Eggsy glanced down, a small smirk on his face. “I liked the idea ‘bout dressin’ you up.” 

Dean’s eyes grew wide and he felt his cheeks burn as he clarified cautiously, “Dressing me up like what?”

“Like in panties, and lacy stuff,” Eggsy admitted. “You’re jus’ so fuckin’ gorgeous, tiger. I wanna make you pretty.” 

Dean shifted, adjusting himself; he didn’t know if it was something Eggsy could just read on him, but he was half hard at the thought. “That’s uh- that can be on the ‘yes’ list.”

“Righ’,” Eggsy said with a smile. “Wha’ about you? Anythin’ you wanna try from what I said?” 

“You didn’t mention it, but, I’ve always wanted to try handcuffs?” Dean asked uncertainly.

“I can do tha’,” Eggsy said eagerly. “Meybbe we can pretend I’m a cop or somethin’. Play ‘Blue Steel’.” 

Dean laughed and pushed Eggsy away playfully, “Asshole, stop making fun of that mugshot! Though you wanna play a little cops & robbers, that could be fun. I got all sorts of costumes.”

"Yeah?" Eggsy asked, smirking at him as he grabbed Dean's hands and pinned them down. "What's your favorite, huh?" 

A calm rushed over him, and he grinned wide, “I dunno about favorite, but I’ve had some fun ideas. Depends on what you like; got myself some suits, a priest cassock, I’ve even been a gym teacher. The insurance agents and journalist as less interesting, but I’m willing to try anything.”

Dean shrugged, then raised his eyebrows up and down suggestively, “Anything you’d like?”

"Righ' now?" Eggsy asked. "Honestly, tiger, I jus' wanna get on tha' bed and hold you till we fall asleep. Maybe eat somethin' too."

“That sounds good right now. Just getting comfortable again. I like that,” Dean agreed. “Room service?”

"Yeah," Eggsy said. He leaned over, hesitating to give Dean time to pull away then brushed their lips together. "Love you." 

Dean reached back up, capturing Eggsy’s lips and kissed back hard, “Love you too, sweetheart. Let’s get some food, curl up on the bed, and talk about this more. Don’t need to do anything tonight, just want to… get back to normal? But sounds like we’ve been fucking things up by not talking. I can order, you can figure out where we gotta start?”

"I'm gonna text Rox, see if she's got advice," Eggsy said. "Hamburgers an' fries for dinner?" 

“Yeah, got it. What’d you want to drink? Looks like they got a bunch of stuff you can mix with fruit. Think I’m gonna do a blackberry lemonade.” Dean dialed the phone, getting ready to order.

"Tha' sounds good," Eggsy said, getting his phone out of his pocket. He messaged Roxy. "Might wake her up. Probably not though." 

Dean placed the order, then flopped onto the bed, unlacing his boots. “Thirty minutes,” he said, shrugging off his flannel, which was still slightly damp, and tossed it over a nearby chair. He pushed down the covers, snuggling underneath. He’d been in a deep chill since before he’d gone to the park; he’d forgotten his coat when he stormed out.

"You all righ'?" Eggsy asked, looking at him. 

“Just cold. Raining out there,” Dean answered. “Wet and upper forties isn’t a good mix. But I’m getting warm now.”

"You went an' sat outside?" Eggsy asked. He took his jacket off and slipped into the bed, curling around Dean. 

“At the sculpture park by the Sound. Needed to be alone,” Dean told him. He let Eggsy’s heat seep into him, tucking his hands between his own legs for warmth. 

As they warmed up together under the covers, Dean returned to the conversation. He felt in over his head, once he’d realized they’d actually stumbled onto something that had a  _ label _ . Despite what Sammy said, he could do his own research, too. “K, so you said a bunch of this shit had names. What are they?”

"Um. Humiliation, desperation, orgasm control," Eggsy said, thinking back to his conversation with Roxy. "Oh! Remember what I was saying about going floaty? Tha's called subspace an' I guess it's kinda rare for a new relationship." 

“Yeah, I’m a fan of that. That’s still a good thing, right?” Dean asked with mild concern, “Though it ain’t surprising, I think pretty much everything ‘bout us is kinda rare.”

"It's a good thing, but there's a bad part of it," Eggsy said. "Dunno how to explain it really, but there's something called subdrop too."

“What’s that? Can we look it up? Cause that doesn’t sound good.”

"Yeah," Eggsy said, just as his phone dinged. "Oh… Rox is textin' back. Here, let's look at the first site, yeah? Link makes it sound like it might be about this sorta thing. 'Troubles with Subbing'. Makes sense righ'?" He opened the page, holding the phone in front of Dean so they could both read. "Finding' a Dom… Safe Words - we should look at tha' next, tiger," Eggsy said, scrolling through. "Subspace… subdrop. There it is."

Dean read the definition aloud quietly, “A sudden, abrupt feeling of depression, unhappiness, or similar negative emotion in a submissive which may occasionally occur immediately after a period of BDSM activity.”

Understanding dawned on Dean’s face, “ _ Oh _ .”

"So...I'm thinkin' we gotta avoid that," Eggsy said quietly. "Cause I'm also thinkin' tha' we already experienced it." 

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure that’s why I went for the whiskey earlier,” Dean agreed. “Didn’t like that at all.” 

He noticed a link on the site, and lunged for his own phone. “Look - that one says that dominant, and there’s this link here that says submissive. Let me pull that one up. We can compare.”

"All righ'," Eggsy said, rolling onto his stomach and shuffling up on his elbows. "Got it?" 

“Yeah. Okay, I’m gonna check out this thing on hard and soft limits. See if yours has got something like that,” Dean suggested, opening the link on his phone.

“Yeah, it does,” Eggsy replied. “Says hard limits are somethin’ that’s absolutely not done. So… our hell no list. Soft limits are somethin’ tha’ you’ll do, only it’ll be tough or only done… in certain situations. Oh. So like, me spanking you is a soft limit for me,” he said, nodding at the screen. “An’ both doms an’ subs can have limits.” 

“Holy shit, look at the size of this checklist,” Dean showed the screen to Eggsy, then scrolled, down and down and down without reaching the end. “Fuck, I thought having an idea of what’s out there would help, but damn, this just makes it… daunting.”

He closed the list and opened another link. “Okay, let’s start with the basic stuff here. So, hell no to- yeah, anything involving piss or shit is right out for me. Like I said earlier, you couldn’t rope me up like I was being drawn & quartered. No putting me diapers. Dude, I am on a website that puts me in the same category as someone who gets off on wearing diapers. I think that makes me a bit of sick son of a bitch,” Dean countered Eggsy’s earlier statement. 

“Oh- And obviously there’s nothing gonna happen if I’m on a hunt. Can’t risk it.”

“No diapers, no shit, no piss. Agree with all of those,” Eggsy said, nodding. “About the hunt. You mean if you’re actively huntin’ or for the entire time you’re after somethin’? Like, if you’re jus’ doin’ research, bout to go to bed an’ I call, we can’t do anythin’?”

Dean paused; he’d forgotten Eggsy would have to  _ call _ . “I guess- I guess it’d depend on what we’re doing. Cause I’d need my own room and I’d need to be able to drop everything and run if something came up.”

He looked back at the list, “No sharing me. That’s a hard no. Anything you’re seeing over there?”

“Uh…” Eggsy swallowed hard, and shook his head as if to clear it. “No branding. Apparently, tha’s a thing. What about breathplay? We did tha’ a little before. Did you like it?” 

Dean nodded, “Yeah, but what was that there? Is there something wrong?” Eggsy seemed a bit off and he didn’t want to miss anything else; they’d already fucked up too much today.

Eggsy smiled and shook his head again. “I really, really, really hate fuckin’ needles,” he said, shrugging. “But apparently there’s a type of… pain play that involves putting ‘em ‘strategically through the top layer of the epidermis in order to bring about a reaction from the sub’. Sounds like fuckin’ torture. Tha’s on the hell no list, tiger.”

“Yeah, no problem. When you said branding earlier, that mean on me or you, and is it the same as just leaving permanent marks?” Dean asked, feeling a bit relieved, and enjoying volleying the conversation back and forth. He’d been aware of the most basic of some of the kinky shit; some girls liked the fluffy handcuffs, but this was a whole new level for him. But he couldn’t deny he was enjoying it; he was hard as a rock, and if he weren’t committed to making sure they didn’t fuck up again, he’d be on Eggsy’s cock in a heartbeat.  

“It’s branding. Like with an iron,” Eggsy said, grimacing. “Like they do on cows. You wanna mark me, hell, go righ’ ahead. I love everyone of them.”

“Kay, yeah, no branding irons. But I don’t have a problem if you wanna leave marks. And if we talk about it ahead of time, I don’t mind permanent marks either. But none of those weird pleather hoods with just a tiny breathing hole, I think I’d have a panic attack like that.”

Dean rolled onto his stomach like Eggsy, trying to stifle his erection, and kept talking, “Okay, so you’re not a fan of the spanking, is that all pain, or just spanking?”

“I… I think it’s jus’ spankin’,” Eggsy said. “I mean… for whatever reason, I jus’ am afraid tha’ if I were punishin’ you like tha’ I’d go too far. But…” He frowned. “I’m not sure how to say what I’m tryin’ to explain.” 

“You think you’d hurt me.” Dean clarified. “So how’s spanking different from, say-” he scrolled down the list, “I dunno, something like nipple clamps?”

Eggsy thought about it, pursing his lips. “It’s not… my hands…” he said carefully. “Like… If I’m hittin’ you with… a brush, I don’t think it’s a problem. Not right now anyway. Have to try it to see… Does tha’ make sense? If I got you over my lap, and I’m hittin’ you… it’s my hands hurtin’ you.” 

“Is it like the bottle?” Dean asked carefully, “That using your hands means something different? Puts you someplace else?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy said, relieved that Dean understood. “Exactly like that. When I hit you before, it was during sex. Didn’ even think about it till later. Tha’s when it kinda… hit me. Made me panic a lil.” Eggsy shrugged. 

“We don’t have to do it at all, but if you’re willing to try, maybe we get a paddle or something? Just used for me, nothing else,” Dean suggested, but emphasized, “But we don’t have to, not gonna make you do anything you don’t want.”

“I’d like to try it,” Eggsy said, nodding. “I mean… I like the reactions you have. Tha’s my favourite part anyway.” He shared a cheeky grin. “Like makin’ you whine and beg, tiger.” 

Dean blushed, looking down as he smiled, “Like it, too.” He leaned against Eggsy, placing a kiss on the back of his shoulder, then jumped as he heard a knock at the door. “What the- oh, right, room service.” He put his forehead to Eggsy’s shoulder, “How you make me completely forget about food time and time again is un-fucking-real. But, uh, can you get the door? I’m a little… really fucking turned on right now.”

Eggsy smirked and rolled off the bed, sauntering over to the door and getting their food. “Here, tiger,” he said. “Table or bed?” 

Dean looked to make sure the door was closed, before rolling off the bed. “Table’s fine.”


	7. Now It's Something

The food smelled delicious, and Dean realized he was hungrier than he’d realized. As he come over to the table, he asked, “We taking a break from talking or you wanna keep going?”

“We can keep talkin’ if you want,” Eggsy said. “I wanna write this all down, at some point soon. An’ maybe we should think of one of those safewords. Just so we have one, right?” 

“I gotta whole bunch a shit that’d kill the mood. Does it have to be specific? Cause if one of us utters the name of any type of monster, or the names of a few choice demons, I can guarantee you shit’s gonna end then and there.”

“Specfic, nah,” Eggsy said, glancing at the section on his phone. “Jus’ somethin’ we’ll both recognize and tha’ we know means ‘stop everything right now.’” 

“Like a word that means something to us, or like just something we agree on ahead of time?

“Kinda both, but as long as we agree and both remember it, it’s okay,” Eggsy said, pushing a plate over to Dean. “This one’s yours, innit? All that fuckin’ bacon is gonna clog your body up.” 

“Say the jackass who tried to steal my bacon last time!” Dean laughed. “So I got an idea, but I wanna hear yours.”

“Wanna hear my idea for a word?” Eggsy said. “Uh… Calder. What’s your idea? Probably better.” 

“Dunno, don’t mind the idea of a word that means something to both of us. I was thinking Wendigo; one of them fucking monsters I have to take down. Figured it’d kill the mood. But I like yours better. It’s not gonna make me hate the guy, though?”

“Nah. It’s a safe word, righ?” Eggsy said, picking up an onion ring. “So… maybe it’s kinda a reminder tha’ you’re safe to stop anything you aren’t comfortable with? I mean if you think it won’t work, then we don’ have to use tha’ one.” He shrugged and popped it in his mouth after swirling it through the sauce on his plate. 

“Calder is good. I like it.” Dean snaked a hand over to steal an onion ring, then continued, “So let’s talk what we do like, and I think details matter, like the spanking thing - had to break that down. Let’s just talk about what we’ve got so far, then we can worry about new stuff later?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy said, getting up and rummaging through the bedside drawers. He grabbed a pen and paper out, coming back over and taking the onion ring Dean was in the process of stealing away with a disgruntled noise. “Mine. Get your own, remember?” he said, sitting back down. “Okay. Hell no list is pretty clear,” he said, scratching them out and turning the paper for Dean to see. “This right?”

Dean took the pen and scrawled at the bottom of the column titled ‘Hell No,’  _No hurting my Baby_ . “There, now I think we’re good.”

“Funny, tiger. You still think I’d dare?” Eggsy asked dryly. “Okay. Soft limits. Me. Spanking with bare hands. You? Should we say restraints? Cause I gotta be careful about which ones I do.” 

“It’s not meant to be funny. Bitch stole my car once and I went into a panic attack. She’s off limits,” Dean explained. “Yeah, so handcuffs are okay, the soft ties like you’ve done are fine. Some of this rope stuff.” He searched on his phone, showing some intricate rope and knot work. “Is hot as hell, but there a few positions that aren’t going to work for me. So ropes aren’t out, but we gotta talk it out first.”

“Shit, someone stole her?” Eggsy said. “Alrigh’, no fuckin’ with the car. And talk about ropes.” He wrote it down, then smiled. “You wanna talk about stuff we really wanna try before I… you know,” he said with a shrug.

“Before you what?” Dean asked. Honestly, there were so many terms and new ideas and he wasn’t sure anymore what Eggsy was referring to.

“Before I leave,” Eggsy said quietly, looking down at his food. 

The warmth seeped from Dean as a cloud settled over the room. “Right.” Dean took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Let’s just call that the next few days, yeah? It- It hurts too much otherwise.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy said. “Good plan, tiger.” He glanced up, and slid his hand over the table, snagging a piece of bacon from Dean’s plate.

“Dammit!” Dean protested, then snatched an onion ring from Eggsy’s plate. He knew it was a diversion tactic and was grateful for it. He shoved the whole ring in his mouth, eyes lit up, challenging Eggsy to try and take it now, the little thief.

"Is tha' a challenge?" Eggsy asked, eyes lighting up. 

“Don’ you dahr!” Dean stumbled through a mouthful, snatching his burger, and hunching over it to protect it.

"Only got two hands!" Eggsy cried cheerfully, stealing Dean's drink and taking a big gulp. 

Dean swallowed the onion ring, “Fucking son of a bitch! Man, should I just start getting one big meal? Or you wanna be in charge of those too?” He laughed as he tried to get his drink back and missed, and settled for grabbing a fistful of onion rings and bolting to the balcony.

"Hey!" Eggsy laughed, chasing him out, and leaving the burgers and drinks on the table. "Gimme my rings, tiger," he growled jokingly, grabbing for them. "You won' like me when I'm hungry." 

“You gonna stop stealing my bacon?” Dean demanded, holding the rings hostage over the edge of the balcony.

"No! Don't you dare!" Eggsy said, stalking over and pressing his body against Dean's as he stretched for the rings. 

Dean nearly melted under Eggsy’s body pressed against him so tightly. He gasped, but caught himself in time. “Bacon?” he inquired, needing confirmation, needing a deal.

"What about it?" Eggsy asked, reaching up for the rings, fingers barely brushing the bottom of Deans palm. "You want me to stop stealing them? Hm?" 

“Stop stealing my food, and you can have ‘em,” Dean negotiated.

"What if I say no?" Eggsy countered.

“It’s a long drop,” Dean smirked.

"Oh yeah? Well, you're the one who left the rest of his burger and all its bacon inside," Eggsy said smirking. He slid one hand down, grasping Dean's ass as he pressed their lips together. "Maybe I should go back inside. Leave the rings to you." 

Dean nearly melted into his touch, more desperate than he realized for the physical touch. He craved Eggsy’s control, feeling like he wouldn’t be truly forgiven until Eggsy’d let him, well,  _submit_ was the best word for it, he guessed. But best to wait till everything was copacetic. He pulled back slightly, offering up the rings, and a smile. “They’re just getting cold anyways.”

Eggsy rolled his eyes, holding his hand out. "Gimme my rings, tiger." He smiled, backing up a step. "Or else the bacon gets it." Dean set the rings in his hand, and Eggsy winked at him, popping one in his mouth. "C'mon. Let's go eat." 

Dean took a deep breath to calm himself, and followed Eggsy inside. He grabbed his burger quick before Eggsy could retaliate, and then took a drink. “Hell, this is good,” he said, settling back in at the table comfortably. “So, what are the hell yes things we wanna start with first?”

“Um. How about rimming?” Eggsy asked. “You’re a fan of that, an’ so am I. I do have a question for you though.”

“Shoot.”

“You ever topped with a man before?” Eggsy asked with a shrug. “Jus’ seems like every time I bring it up, you panic a lil.” 

“Not… not with a guy, ‘less I was being paid to do so,” Dean answered. “And that aside, it’s… well, if we’re using some of these new terms, it feels like it’s sort of a dom thing, and that’s- I kinda like how we were doing it. But it’s not that it’s a limit or anything, I just-” Dean paused, realizing he was mumbling, and took a breath, “I’d top if you wanted; I’d even be in control a little if you wanted. I just really prefer it the other way ‘round is all. And I think, since I wasn’t clear on the terms,” he laughed, “Not that I’m entirely clear now, but I’m getting better, but I think I just didn’t want our roles to switch too much.”

Dean took a long drink of his lemonade, and looked up, “Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy replied. “I do have an idea tha’ I think you’ll like though.” He took a drink then grinned at Dean. “We should go shoppin’,” he said. “Get a toy for you, let you keep it inside. Buzzin’ and vibratin’. I’ll tie your wrists together, an’ ride you until you’re beggin’ to come. Would you top like tha’?” he asked, smirking at Dean.

Dean shifted in his chair with a blush, “Yeah, um, yeah I think that’d- I’d like that. At least, I know for a fact my dick’s fan.” He gestured downwards, then adjusted himself. “Toys in general seem like a hell of a lot of fun. Just never used any on me before, but I’ve wanted to. Honestly, I’ve gone into the stores once or twice when I was by myself, but there were so many options and I had no idea what to do. And fuck, can you imagine  _me_ asking some shop clerk about that?”

“Well, I think we should go shoppin’ tomorrow,” Eggsy said. “If you don’ mind. I know we were supposed to go out an’ stuff today, but I kinda think we shouldn’t do that tomorrow. I think we should kinda just… relax. Do somethin’ low stress together.”

“I like that,” Dean smiled, “Just you and me, some TV, maybe another bath? Real romantic type shit yeah?”

“Exactly,” Eggsy said, grinning at him. “Be a night to remember,” he said with a wink, going back to his dinner. 

Dean grinned with a blush, and finished his meal in silence, not entirely sure what to say next, but figured eating his dinner before it went completely cold wasn’t a bad idea. His mind kept drifting to Eggsy’s suggestions, and his earlier ones, too. He thought about silk panties, about Eggsy’s words on the balcony. He kept trying to distract himself, trying to will away his arousal, but it was as his body was actively protesting his decision to keep tonight chaste. 

Eggsy finished up and took the trash, depositing it in the garbage and then heading into the bathroom. He came back out, and walked up behind Dean, setting his hands on his shoulders. “Movie?” he asked, innocently beginning to knead at Dean’s back, working the knots of his muscles. “James Bond is on you know. Migh’ be able to find Dr. Sexy instead though,” he murmured, placing his lips close to Dean’s ear and nipping gently at the curve of his neck.

The massage was soft and soothing, as though his tension were liquifying; the exact opposite of the electricity that shot through him when Eggsy’s teeth met his throat. Dean slumped, relaxing, and agreed, “Movie sounds great,” but didn’t move as Eggsy was still rubbing the tightness out of his muscles. 

"C'mon. Let's get on the bed," Eggsy said. "Take off your shirt, an' I'll give you a real massage. Tha' all righ'?" 

“Oh hell yes,” Dean moaned, “That sounds fucking awesome.” He stood as Eggsy backed away, stripping his shirt off, and laid on the bed, facing the TV, so Eggsy could watch while he was melting Dean into the mattress.

Eggsy went back into the bathroom, rooting through the bottles on the counter until he found the oil. He came back out, stepping into the bed and straddling Dean's ass. He stripped his shirt off, and warmed some of the oil between his hands. 

It took only a few minutes before Dean need to readjust his position yet again. But Eggsy’s hands were firm, and he seemed, to Dean at least, to know exactly what he was doing. In privacy, Dean didn’t mind letting the gasps and groans escape him; it felt as though Eggsy were milking pleasure from his muscles and he didn’t want to focus any of his concentration away the slick heat of Eggsy’s hands. 

"All righ'?" Eggsy asked, dropping a kiss to the back of Dean's head as he pressed his thumbs in. "Not too hard right?" 

“Perfect, sweetheart, just awesome. Let me know when you wanna switch,” Dean murmured, feeling supremely chill. This was better than any of the “magic hands” beds, better than the soft tender hands of the women who’d tried to soothe him.  

"Will do, luv," Eggsy said, moving down his spine. "Hey. Dr. Sexy is on. Should I turn it up, or you gonna fall asleep on me?" 

“You can turn it up, gotta stay awake long enough to rub you down, too. Can’t imagine you’re any less tense,” Dean answered, trying to sound more alert than he was. He was highly aware of trying to give back, trying to alleviate the concerns he had about taking too much, and so he was fighting the urge to doze off; wanting to make sure he could treat Eggsy as well as Eggsy was treating him.

"I'm feeling pretty relaxed," Eggsy said in complete honesty. "Like havin' you under me. Besides, you fall asleep, means I get a morning rub down, righ'?" He wiped one finger off, and hit the volume button on the remote. "There. Oh, this is a rerun." 

“I can do that,” Dean agreed, voice soft and mellow. “Long as you don’t mind.” He sighed, moaning with the steady pressure of Eggsy’s palms along the muscles of his upper back. “I’m so fucking lucky,” he muttered. “Finding you. Didn’t think it was possible finding someone that doesn’t find taking care of me a burden.” 

He unfolded his arms from under his head, laying them flat to help relax himself as deep as possible. He faced the window and watched the sun set over the city, dipping slowly, sky alight with watercolors, and feeling that maybe, just maybe, things were going to be just fine. 

"Dean?" Eggsy murmured, after a bit. "C'mon love, if you're gonna sleep, get under the blankets." He shook Dean gently, smiling Dean grumbled about it. 

Dean shifted up, then slumped back down towards the head of the bed, dragging Eggsy down with him. He kicked his feet under the covers then pulled them up, draping himself over Eggsy. “Gotta make sure you stay here,” he said in a low, dreamy tone, his head on Eggsy’s belly and leg hooked over his knees. 

"Not goin' to leave," Eggsy said with a quiet chuckle. He wiped his hands off on his shirt and balled it up, tossing it toward the end of the bed. He sighed, and stroked a hand through Dean's hair. "G'night tiger." 

-o-

 

Dean slept hard, barely moving, even as the sun broke through the window and shined over his face. Though he was typically a four hour a night guy on the road, the combination of comfort and emotional turmoil dragged him deep into slumber. 

Eggsy woke to Dean surprisingly still curled against him and in a dead sleep. More often than not, Dean was the one who woke first, Eggsy grumbling into awareness as much as an hour later. Eggsy smiled and wiggled out from under him, closing the curtains and turning on the coffee pot. He climbed back into bed with his mug, Dean migrating back over to him as he pulled out his phone. He sent a quick text to Roxy, explaining that they were fine and then pulled up one of the links they hadn't gotten to last night, settling in to read. 

Though he was vaguely aware when Eggsy had moved, he easily fell back to sleep when Eggsy returned, nothing waking for at least another hour. When he did, he opened his eyes, watching Eggsy slowly slide the screen down. “Whatcha reading?” he asked with a yawn.

“Mornin’ tiger,” Eggy said, stroking his hair back. “Readin’ one of the websites we didn’t get to yesterday. Nothing special, just some people’s stories about how they got started. Want some coffee?” 

“Will in a minute, just need a few to wake up,” Dean rubbed his eyes, “Haven’t sleep that long in I don’t know how long.” He motioned to the phone, “Anything good in there? Or are we the only sons of bitches dumb to start something up without knowing what the hell we were doing?”

“Nope. Seems pretty common,” Eggsy said. “To be honest, looks like we’re some of lucky ones. There was this one story, an’ apparently the two guys were hiding it from each other, until one walked in on his guy all tied up. He’d done it to himself, an’ he’d gotten stuck.” He smirked. “Turns out they had more in common than they thought.” 

Dean laughed, “Yeah, I suppose that could have been worse. Saw an episode of Law & Order once where someone offed themselves on accident ‘cause they rigged up some device to choke themselves while they got off. Worked a bit too well.” He pecked a kiss to Eggsy’s bare chest, then rolled over to get off the bed. He headed to bathroom, taking care of his morning routine, brushing his teeth, then went back out to pour himself some coffee. 

“So, anything else we should cover before we go shopping?” Dean asked, looking into his cup with heat rising up his cheeks. 

"Don't think so," Eggsy replied, throwing him a smirk as he moved off the bed. "Know somethin'? You're real pretty when you blush, tiger." He brushed past Dean, pressing a kiss to his shoulder and headed into the bathroom. 

Dean cursed as he felt his cheeks blush further. “Damnit, I’m a grown man. I shouldn’t be fucking blushing,” he complained. He set the coffee down, “Hey, can you help me with my hands before we go?” They were still wrapped from two nights ago, and he’d forgotten about changing the bandages with yesterday’s distress.

"Course," Eggsy called back. "Grab the gauze an' come in here. It's in the bag with the blankets. So's tha' ointment I got downstairs." 

The bag was hard to maneuver, and Dean just dumped it out on the ground in the corner. He swore a bucket full of sand can out with it, and, to his surprise, a small crab, which scuttled desperately across the carpet. “Shit, we got company!” Dean caught the tiny thing, and it scratched about in his cupped hands. He brought it in the bathroom, setting it free on the counter. 

“Here, watch him while I go get the gauze,” Dean said.

"What the hell?" Eggsy mumbled, toothbrush hanging from his mouth as he peered at the crab. He shrugged and ran the water in one of the sinks, plugging it with a few inches in the bottom and nudging the crab over. He raised his eyebrows as Dean came back in, gesturing to the crab for an explanation as he brushed. 

“It was in the bag with the blankets,” Dean explained. He set the gauze and ointment on the counter, but continued, “He’s gotta be starving. What do you think they eat?” 

"Dead fish probably. Aren't they scavengers?" Eggsy asked. "Meybbe live fish. Can we put it somewhere, or do we gotta drive back to the beach?" 

“We could walk him back to the Sound, at least; it’s only a few blocks. Head there first while we go shopping?” Dean looked fondly at the crab, then hopped on the counter, holding his hands out for Eggsy.

“Yeah. Sounds good,” Eggsy replied. He rinsed his toothbrush, then washed his hands. He smiled at Dean as he unwrapped the old bandages. “You look like you got in a fight with a brick wall, luv. Not tha’ it ain’t a good look, but still.” He picked up the ointment, smearing it over Dean’s scabs. “These are probably gonna scar a lil.” 

Dean shrugged, “Just add it to the list.” He looked at his knuckles as Eggsy carefully wrapped them back up, “So you think we can find what you’re looking for in town, or we gonna need to drive? And do you wanna do breakfast here, or pick something up on the way out?”

"I think we can probably find what we're lookin' for," Eggsy replied, tucking the edge of the gauze under. "Looked earlier this mornin' found two places we can go to. And you wanna do breakfast here, or you wanna go out? I could kill for some chocolate chip pancakes. With like, strawberries on top." He grinned, waggling his eyebrows. 

“They do that here?” Dean asked, hopping down from the counter. “I can check the menu. Or did you have a place in mind?”

"I don't have anywhere in mind," Eggsy replied, following Dean out. "You want anything special?" 

“Something hearty, like omelets and potatoes. I’ll get dressed and call the concierge. City like this oughta have one, and I bet we can find a place.”

"Sounds good," Eggsy said, rummaging through his bag for a shirt. "Hey, we gotta take a picture with that crab before we put it back. Need proof we're communin’ with nature." 

Dean laughed, “Dork,” but he scooped the crab out of the sink anyways, holding it up by his face and beaming. 

Eggsy followed him back in, phone in hand. He snapped a picture then laughed as Dean yelped, the crab scraping his nose. "Aww. Did it get ya, tiger?" Eggsy teased. "C'mere, gimme the crab." 

“Little bastard,” Dean grumbled playfully, “Should call him Sammy.” He tipped his hand carefully into Eggsy’s letting the tiny crab scuttle into his hand.

"Nah, you love Sammy too much to name a crab after him," Eggsy replied, peering into his cupped palms with a soft smile. "Maybe one of the fish at the markets. Call them Sammy. But, I'm still gonna send Sam a picture. Tell him he's got a namesake." 

“Shit, yeah, I probably shoulda texted him last night. Last thing he knew, I was getting a room somewhere else,” Dean frowned. “So yeah, go ahead, he’ll be happy to hear it, I’m thinking.” 

He pulled on a some jeans, a Henley, and a warm flannel; he remembered how cold it was out yesterday. He called concierge as Eggsy took a few more pics of the Sammy the Crab, and got the name of a good breakfast place near the Sound. 

“Alright, so we’ll go set Sammy free, and the dude said there’s a place nearby that does chocolate chip pancakes. Sound good?”

"Sounds good," Eggsy said. "I messaged Sam. You should do that too, let him know I didn't drug you. Or actually give you crabs." 

Dean laughed. “Eh, he’ll figure it out. You ready to head out?”

"Yeah. You know where the restaurant is?" Eggsy asked, grabbing a jacket and pulling it on. He took a small bucket from the pile Dean had spilled out of the bag and settled Sammy in. "Let's go." 

-o-

The walk wasn’t too long, but Dean was glad he’d worn layers. They held hands as they walked, and Eggsy gently swayed Sammy back and forth in the opposite hand. Dean wasn’t going to say so aloud, but he was just a bit worried about Sammy. A little guy like him might never make it home, but perhaps he’d find his own way, some new friends; maybe he’d be just fine, even if his family were far away. 

They found their way to a public pier, and Eggsy set the bucket on it’s edge, seeing if Sammy would scuttle free on his own. Dean snapped a few photos with his camera; he’d already become attached. He’d never had a pet growing up, nor as an adult, and he found himself oddly fond of the tiny crab in his care. 

"Look, tiger. There he goes," Eggsy said, standing and sliding his hand back into Dean's. "Our lil' Sammy. All grown up." He grinned and then looked at him. "Hey. You all righ'?" 

Dean wiped a fake tear from his eye, “Just hoping Sammy’s ready to make it on his own.” He put a hand over his heart, and uttered an heartfelt, “Godspeed, little man” as Sammy tumbled over the edge of the pier and into the water. 

He turned, bright eyed and beaming, “So, breakfast?”

"Hell yeah," Eggsy said. "Come on. Pancakes!" 

They made their way to the restaurant, as it was only a few blocks away from where they already were. They settled at the table and Eggsy gave a short 'ha' of triumph as he found chocolate chip pancakes on the menu. "What you gettin' tiger?" he asked, peering over the laminated sheet. "Find your potatoes?" 

“Western omelet and fried breakfast potatoes. I am go for launch.”

-o-

Breakfast was as phenomenal as Dean had been assured it would be, and with a few extra cups of coffee, he was feeling ready for the rest of the day. As they stepped out of the restaurant, and Dean began to follow Eggsy, he felt the slight skittishness of nerves in his belly; anxious about where they were going; how’d he’d be judged. It was stupid really, he’d been in all sorts of new and unknown environments; but all he could remember was how humiliated he’d felt when those damn shysters had sent him to see “Chief.” This felt oddly reminiscent of that, though he knew he was safe with Eggsy.

Eggsy slowed and waited for Dean to fall into step with him, reaching out for his hand. “You excited?” he asked, grinning. “Gonna get lots of pretty toys today. But we’ve got to make a stop first.” 

“Nervous is all. Just- wait, where we going first?” His stomach fluttered further, “You’re not taking me to one of those clubs yet are you? I ain’t ready for that.”

“Nah, love. I don’ think I’m ready for one of those either. You’ll see when we get there. Promise it won’t be too bad, yeah? Just a little stop. Quick an’ close by,” Eggsy said, pointing to the strip mall up the street. “Need some clothes.” 

Dean nodded, feeling relieved, “Yeah, that should be fine.” They walked to the mall, and Dean joked about the three coffee shops he saw in the short distance there.

“You think coffee shops are bad, you should see the amount of Indian takeaway places by me,” Eggsy replied as they walked into one of the large clothing stores. “They’re everywhere.” He glanced around, eyes lighting on a sign. “C’mon, tiger. This way.” 


	8. 1st Avenue

He towed Dean through the store floor, grabbing a few shirts off the hangers they passed, only to feel Dean stiffen as he realized where they were going. “Dean,” Eggsy said. “Come on. No one’s here even. No one will see. Got the shirts in my hand, you can cover the stuff up with them.”

“Shit, you’re fucking serious,” Dean whispered, feeling the heat rush up his neck and face, as they approached the lingerie section. He gripped Eggsy’s hand tightly, and his stomach felt as though it was flopping against his heart. Despite his mortification, he was becoming aroused, and he muttered under his breath, “Isn’t this- can’t we just buy this online?”

“No,” Eggsy said, squeezing his hand. “You have to try them on.” He smiled at Dean. “An’ I get to watch.”

“I don’t- I don’t even know what size,” Dean protested weakly. “They’ll arrest us; public indecency. I, um-” Dean searched for another reason, finding none. “Fuck. This isn’t even close to fair.” 

“I know what size is supposed to fit you,” Eggsy said, smirking at Dean’s flush. “I did  _a lot_ of reading this morning. Lots of tips on good brands and styles. It’s fine, luv. They won’t arrest us, won’t be anyone but me seein’ you.” 

Dean buried his face into Eggsy’s neck. “Fine,” he muttered under his breath. “But do I have to help you pick them out? Because everyone’s gonna know if I do. Can I, I dunno, go over there by the luggage or something?” Dean knew his face was beet red, and knew just one look at him could give him away.

“Do you want me to pick them out?” Eggsy asked, stroking a hand down his back. “I think you should come over and at least point out some that you like. Colors and lace an’ shit. We can pretend tha’ we’re shopping for your girlfriend’s birthday.” 

Dean shook his head, “Not girlfriend. You’re mine, I’m not giving that up. But can we maybe go with a friend’s bachelorette? If that’s- if you don’t mind, then I might-” Dean stopped and licked his lips. “I do have a few-” he looked away and murmured quietly, “preferences.”

“Yeah?” Eggsy said. “Guess we’re gonna figure out what those are, aren’t we?” He led Dean into the lingerie section with a grin. “All right. What first?” 

“I think, um, Kay, would like-” Dean started awkwardly by talking about their imaginary friend, walking around, “something like that.” Dean pointed to a pair of black panties that were covered by a micro short skirt and a bit of lace at the end. He touched them gently, and said quietly, “Yeah, she likes how silky these kinds of things are.” 

“Think so?” Eggsy asked, rummaging through the pile and pulling a pair out. “All right. What about these then?” he asked, pulling a dark green thong from the racks, made of the same material. “Too small?” 

Dean’s eyes grew large, “I’m not sure, um, Kay, wants to show that much ass. I’m also not sure she’d fit in the front of it, y’know?”

But at the end of an aisle, something caught his eye. It was soft, like the softest cotton, and a pale blue. There was white gentle lace on the edges, and it was the type of baby doll teddy that’d he’d seen on countless women, that’d he’d always thought looked so comfortable. “Eggsy,” he called, “I think she’d like this. Just for pajamas, you know?”

“All right,” Eggsy said, coming over. “I think tha’s real nice. Looks comfy.” He smiled at Dean, and took the right size down, adding it to the panties in his hands. “Oh. What about these?” he asked, pointing to the wall of bras to their left. 

Dean shook his head rather fervently, “I’m not sure she needs those at all.”

Eggsy glanced around and then stepped closer to Dean, since no one was around, setting his chin on Dean’s shoulder. “What about as a punishment?” he asked quietly. “If you don’t really like ‘em.”

“It’s not in the hell no category,” Dean admitted, barely vocal, eyes downcast, “Just like the other stuff better.”

“So it would be a good punishment,” Eggsy said, picking one to match the black panties that Dean had picked up earlier. “We’ll try it, and if it’s that bad, you can tell me no, all righ’? We got tha’ word for a reason.” 

Dean sighed deeply and nodded, submitting silently because he knew Eggsy was right. He wandered around the wide selection of panties, picking out a light pink pair with ruffles and another blue pair with an innocent bow in front. “She’ll like these, you’ll just need her size” he said, handing them over. He found it much easier to admit his preferences to Eggsy under the guise of a third person.

“Do you think she’ll need stockings?” Dean asked. He wasn’t sure about stockings. They seemed soft and smooth, but he wasn’t sure he could pull it off with leg hair, and he wasn’t on board with the idea of shaving.

"I think so," Eggsy replied, sorting through and pulling out the proper sizes. "I think that they'll go well with the bra, even if she doesn't wanna wear them every day." 

“Okay, That makes sense,” Dean nodded, trying to hold back the flush that was threatening to creep back. He wandered down another aisle, Eggsy following him. “Those three I think she’d like,” he said, “and that nightie too.” 

"I think she'll look really nice in those," Eggsy said, picking out what looked like the proper sizes. "She wanna wear the nighties to bed just because, you think?" he asked, glancing over at Dean. "I wouldn't mind." 

“Maybe,” Dean said, touching the silk of another nightie, not meeting Eggsy’s eyes, knowing he’d break out into a full blush; his heart was already pounding in his chest. “It seems like she’d like the way it feels. I guess she’d have to try it first.”

"That makes sense. You ready to try on these shirts?" Eggsy asked, picking up another nightie, this one a bottle glass green with black lace edging and bows. "Or you see somethin' else she'd like?" 

“Yeah, lemme try the shirts on,” Dean said, rubbing his hand on his jeans compulsively. He took a quick look around, and seeing no one, adjusted himself. He followed Eggsy to the dressing rooms, which were thankfully empty in this part of the store. 

Eggsy stepped into the larger dressing room, hanging up their choices on the wall hook. "All righ', love. Which first?" he asked.

Dean shrugged, belly fluttering hot with nerves and started to unbutton his flannel. “You pick.” 

"The first nightie you liked," Eggsy said decisively, picking it from the pile. He stepped close to Dean, and paused his hands, pressing a kiss to his bare chest. "Jus' you an' me, Kay?" 

Taking the soft cotton nightie, Dean nodded, then shuffled out of his jeans. He felt the heat rise to his face, thousands of butterflies trying to burst out of his chest as he slid his boxers off. Eyes closed, he slipped the fabric over his head, feeling it fall, settling delicately on his form. He went to rub his hand on his jeans again, only to find the thin, almost fleecy cotton nightie. 

“I look ridiculous, don’t I?” Dean asked, eyes shut tight, afraid to look in the mirror. The fantasy was one thing, but here, trying these things on, even in this enclosed little room, he swore he could feel the whole world watching him. 

"No, luv. You look amazin'," Eggsy said, coming up behind him and settling his hands on his shoulders. "C'mon. Look at yourself," he murmured, pressing a kiss to the nape of Dean's neck. 

Eggsy’s touch calmed his nerves slightly, and he opened one eye, then the other. He gulped, it was- it wasn’t half bad. He looked pretty decent, and between the how the nightie felt teasing against his skin, and the mild humilation of liking it the way he did, the fabric was beginning to tent over his cock. He licked his lips, and said with a nervous laugh, “I can kind of pull this off, can’t I?” 

"Oh yeah," Eggsy purred, running his hands down Dean's side. "That's gonna come home with us, luv. You look fuckin' gorgeous. Especially with that blush of yours, runnin' all over you." 

Dean shuddered under Eggsy’s fingers, and his cock twitched. “Gonna be hard to try some of this on if he’s all excited,” Dean said breathily, motioning downwards.

"Tha' doesn't sound like a problem," Eggsy murmured. "But if it is, I could take care of tha' for you."

His cock twitched at the thought, but Dean’s eyes grew wide and he whispered hastily, “Fuck! We can’t do that here. We’ll definitely get arrested!” He ignored the rising fire in his veins, his body betraying his rationale, and pleaded, “Just hand me something else.”

Eggsy chuckled. “Fine, luv.” He sorted through the pile, pulling out one of the bras and its matching panty. "Here. Let's get these over with." 

“Christ,” Dean held his face in his hands, having slipped out of the nightie. “Thought that was only for punishment.”

"Still gotta try them on," Eggsy coaxed. "Promise I won't make you keep them on, all righ'? Just don't want them to be poking ' an' proddin' you, so gotta make sure they fit." 

Dean groaned, but took the panties first, slipping them up and over his rising erection. He tucked himself to the side, and turned to check out his ass. “See, I kinda like it just like this. Why do we need anything else?” he gave Eggsy a grumpy pout.

"We need them ‘cause you don' like them," Eggsy replied, pecking him on the lips. "Here. Unless you want me to put it on you," he said, holding out the bra.

Dean nodded minutely, not entirely sure how women put these things on in the first place. The ones he’d seen all seemed to do it differently. He looked at the ground, not wanting to see himself in the mirror, and the butterflies were back, beating against his chest in time with the thumping of his heart. 

Eggsy stepped forward, sliding Dean's arms though the straps and clasping the back. He reached around, looking through the mirror as he adjusted the soft, see through cups. "Hey, tiger," he murmured, brushing his thumb over Dean's nipple. "Look at yourself." 

A shiver went through him, but when he looked up, he had to turn away almost immediately. “It’s just- too much,” Dean confessed. “I don’t know why. I don’t what the difference is, but this is just-” Dean gulped, not really sure how to describe it. “Fits fine. Can you take it off now?”

"Course, luv," Eggsy said, taking it off him carefully. "Which one next?" 

“Did you get any more of those?” he motioned to the bra, “Let’s get those over with first.”

"Yeah, just two." Eggsy helped Dean slip them on, checking the fit on both before setting them aside. He came around, and pressed a kiss to Dean's lips, then held up the green nightie. "This one next?" 

“Yeah, okay,” Dean gave a hint of a smile. He felt better now that the worst was over. He couldn’t articulate why the bras bothered him in a way the panties and nighties didn’t, but recognized that Eggsy was right; they’d make a perfect punishment. He took the green nightie from Eggsy, rolling the fabric between his fingers. “This is silk, real silk, isn’t it?” He slipped it over his head, and gave a small moan at how it slipped down his body.

"Yeah, only the best for you," Eggsy said, winking. "Look fuckin' gorgeous, luv." He reached out, stroking the bulge under the fabric then slid his hands over Dean's hips to cup his ass. "Just wanna lay you out. Take you apart," he murmured, pressing his lips to Dean's throat. 

Dean held his hand to the wall to steady himself, and gasped quietly as Eggsy slid his hands over him. “Fu- fuck,” he stuttered, almost soundlessly, lifting the silk up over his cock. He whimpered, “You’ve got me leaking; I can’t- fuck- can’t bring ‘em to the register if I’ve already stained ‘em sweetheart.”

"Then you better take them off," Eggsy said, digging in his pocket and handing a tissue over with a smirk. "Still have more to try on. Could take a break though, after we check out." 

Dean groaned, as he accepted the tissue, holding himself tight as he tried to clean the tip and hopefully squeeze a bit extra of the precome out so he wouldn’t have to do this between every pair. His hand was hot, and the silk still brushed against his ass, the lace against the base of his cock and his breath caught. He tossed the tissue aside for later; he knew he’d need it again, and slipped the nightie off. “This one’s good,” he said.

“Next one then,” Eggsy said, handing Dean the blue panties. “These.” He smiled as Dean pulled them on, cock pushing against the fabric, stretching it tight. “Definitely those,” Eggsy said. “They feel good?”

Though he could still feel the blush on his face, Dean was getting more comfortable and his nerves were settling. Or perhaps it was the effect of raging arousal, diminishing his capacity for embarrassment. Either way, he grinned sheepishly and answered, “Feel awesome,” as he ran his hand up his length over the smooth fabric, feeling it press against his cock.

"Hey tiger?" Eggsy asked, sorting through the pile. "You think you'd wear this out in public? Like under your normal stuff. Maybe with a toy?" 

“Just the panties, yeah?” Dean verified, sliding the blue pair off after admiring them one last time. 

"Yeah," Eggsy replied. "Hell yeah list, or maybe list?" 

“Let’s try it in the next couple of days, then I can let you know?” Dean suggested. “I- I’m not sure about the toy idea. In public, I mean. I’ve never had a toy used on me and I don’t know how it’s  gonna be.” He kept his voice to a whisper as he heard voices echo into the fitting rooms; it sounded as though a pair of women were trying on items in adjoining rooms.

"Kay, luv. C'mon then, we'll finish up with the shirts and leave, yeah?" Eggsy said, sensing Dean's uneasiness as they were joined. "Last one." 

He took the black pair Eggsy handed him and slid them on. There were smooth and sultry against his cock, which remained thick and full and nearly fell out over the waistband. He turned, seeing how they only covered the top half of his ass, and a bow was perched at the top. He could see the flush down his chest, but couldn’t deny that they fit him fantastically. He held his hands out for Eggsy’s opinion. 

"Really fuckin' good," Eggsy breathed. "Those are my favorite, tiger. Absolute favorite." He smirked, adjusting himself carefully. 

Dean reached for the tissue, letting the tip of his cock peek out the top so he could clean up the drops of precome forming yet again. He looked at himself in the mirror, really looking for a moment, trying to see past the shame of wearing something that was just for women, and instead trying to imagine them as nothing more than the fabric they were, the way they hugged his ass, his hips, his cock. “I’m- I like these a lot,” he confessed quietly.

"Yeah?" Eggsy asked, handing him his boxers. He smiled at Dean. "I'm glad you like those," he said. "Are you comfortable checking out with me, or you wan' me to do it alone?" 

“Think I can,” Dean muttered, almost disappointed to be taking the panties off. The dull cotton boxers felt too rough against his skin, and did nothing to contain his erection. He handed the panties over with a sigh, “But let’s go to a register in another part of the store? Just to be safe?”

“All righ’,” Eggsy said. Dean finished dressing and they went to check out. The cashier laughed and agreed when Eggsy asked her opinion on whether or not their friend would love the items as a bachelorette gift, and before long they were heading back to the hotel, bags in hand. Eggsy slipped his hand into Dean’s once more and smiled at him. “Well. Was it as bad as you thought?” 

“It’s- it was humiliating and fucking hot all at the same time. Except the bras. Don’t like ‘em. But I can see how they’d be a good punishment.” Dean suddenly realized they were on their way back to the hotel. “Thought we were getting toys,” Dean muttered, leaning into Eggsy. 

“We are. Figured we’d put the bags back first, grab the car,” Eggsy replied. “It’s a longer walk, an’ I don’t think you wanna walk around with a bag full of toys.” He looked at Dean, and smiled, releasing his hand to wrap an arm around his waist. “I mean, we can, but...” 

“Yeah, no, I like your idea better,” Dean laughed. “So, anything specific you’re thinking of, or we just browsing?”

“I had a few things in mind,” Eggsy said with a smirk. “Maybe I should make you wait to hear about them though.” 

-o-

The hotel lobby was warm after the chill November weather, and they made their way up to the room. Dean took time to smell the flowers on his way in, remembering their earlier photo shoot, which seemed weeks ago instead of days. 

“You okay with a paddle or something though?” Dean asked hopefully. He had a few ideas himself; but he was still a bit uncomfortable telling Eggsy what he wanted, and hoped Eggsy would just pick them out first so he wouldn’t have to ask. 

“Yeah. I’m okay with trying anything as long as it’s not my hand,” Eggsy said, setting the bags down. “An’ if you see anythin’ you’re interested in, yer gonna tell me, right? Like, I don’t want this to be a one sided thing, you know?” 

“I have an idea or two, but I’ll wait to see what you pick out first,” Dean ran his hand over his neck. His mind was still on the panties, but he wasn’t going to admit it, not yet. Maybe when they got back, he’d say something, but the embarrassment was still fairly fresh, and he didn’t think he could actually get the words out if he tried.

“Okay, luv. Ready to go then?” Eggsy asked, glancing around. “Where’d you put the keys?” 

“Yeah, keys. Think they’re in the jeans I wore last night,” he searched the pockets. “Aha! Here we go. You know where we’re going? Or got it on your GPS?”

“Yeah, good to go on both,” Eggsy said. He led the way out, and within ten minutes they were pulling up outside a discreet shop, windows filled with plain paintings and drop sheets. “Well then,” Eggsy said. “Not what I was expecting, but probably better it isn’t.” He smirked at Dean, and they got out of the car, Eggsy taking Dean’s hand in support as the shop bell tinkled above them.

“Hello!” came a cheery voice, the middle aged woman behind the counter giving them a wave. “Anything I can help you with?”

“Jus’ lookin’ missus. We’ll let you know if we need somethin’,” Eggsy replied, smiling charmingly.

“Not a problem!” She went back to her computer, tapping away at the keys. 

Dean scoped out the room; there were corsets and other clothes on one side of the store, then videos in the back. The toys were to the right, and he followed Eggsy over to them. Many of them seemed clearly for same sex couples, and Dean turned to Eggsy with a low voice, “Is this a… gay sex shop?”

“No,” Eggsy replied with a shrug. “Said it was for everyone. I mean, maybe it’s just cause we’re kinda a big market, an’ this place is already on some kinda morality hit list, so they can sell stuff for us without worryin’? No judgements an’ all tha’.” 

“Oh,” Dean said. That made sense. The only time he’d venture into shops were the trucker stops on long highways. And it exclusively catered to men and women couples. “So, you first. See anything that catches your eye?”

Eggsy nodded and brought him over to a display of collars. “I don’t think we talked about these,” he said quietly. “But this would go real nice with some of the things we got earlier.” He picked up a deep green collar, made of soft, buttery leather, running his thumb over the golden buckle. “What do you think, luv?” 

“Just for us, right?” Dean asked, breath nearly escaping him. For Eggsy to care so deeply, so wonderfully to claim him this way; his heart pounded in his chest, and he tried to keep the obvious urges hidden. “As long as it’s just for us.”

“Yeah, Dean. Just for us,” Eggsy said, reaching out for his hand. “You… you like it, right?” 

Dean gulped and nodding, taking Eggsy’s hand. “Can we,” Dean started to say, but then reached out for a set of leather cuffs that caught his eye. They were a few inches thick and had a subtly entwined D ring for various restraint needs. “The collar can be for us. But this- can- would you mind?” Dean hesitated, “I’d like something to wear, even when you’re not here. A reminder. That I’m yours.”

Eggsy blinked, considering it. "I... I'd really like that," he admitted, realizing just how much he'd miss Dean, miss knowing that they belonged together, that they were a matched set. 

Dean smiled at the ground, trying them on for Eggsy, so that he could see the effect. It wasn’t an overtly obvious act of submission, but both Eggsy and Dean would know what they meant. He held his arms out to Eggsy for approval.

“Perfect. They feel nice?” Eggsy asked, running his hands over them. “Don’t pinch or anything?” 

Dean let his voice get low again, “No. Not at all. Anyone but you and me’ll think they’re related to hunting. But you and I’ll know.” Dean hesitated, “It’s not too much, is it? Not too needy? Not scaring you off, am I?”

“Hell no,” Eggsy said, stepping forward and threading a hand through Dean’s hair, tugging him down for a kiss. “You’re mine,” he murmured as they broke apart. “No one gets to have you like I do. No one else gets to see the person you show me. An’ I’m yours. No one gets to see me like you get too. We belong to each other.” 

He buckled under Eggsy’s intensity, but Dean was left with no doubts. “What’s- next?” he asked, nearly out of breath.

“Toys,” Eggsy nearly growled. “I want to see you beggin’ and squirming for me.” He towed Dean over, pointing out the section of plugs. “See these?” Eggsy asked. “Any you like?” He picked up a small silver one, with a dark jewel at the base. “I like this one, but I think a vibratin’ one would be more fun.” 

“That’s um, wow. I mean, good. Very good,” Dean admitted. “I’m kind curious about, well,  _width_ myself. Maybe something we can work up to?”

“What about that set?” Eggsy asked, pointing out a package of three, each plug increasing in size. “Think tha’ might be a good thing.” 

Dean shuddered pleasantly at the thought, agreeing breathily, “Yeah, wanna see if I can do that. They vibrate like you want?” 

“Um.” Eggsy picked them up and checked. “Yeah, apparently. You sure?”

Dean leaned in close to Eggsy’s ear, his voice low and dark, “Seeing how wide I can go is on the ‘hell yes’ list for me, if it is for you.”

“Christ tiger,” Eggsy said, licking his lips at the image in his head. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.” 

“Anything else, sweetheart, before I go searching?”

“Nope,” Eggsy said, smiling at him. “Well, gimme a kiss, but other than tha’ have fun,” he said with a smirk.

Dean acted nonchalant as he strolled through the store, but he did have specific ideas in mind. He first found the paddles; it was something they both knew he wanted. He picked up a solid wood flat paddle, something non descript and perhaps non defining for Eggsy. “Would you try that?” he asked.

Eggsy looked up from the other end of the aisle, setting down the cock ring he had in hand and coming over. “Can I see?” Eggsy asked, taking it in hand, weighing it carefully. He held out his other hand, and slapped it against his palm. “Hmm. Yeah,” he said slowly. “I think I would try it. It’s… different. I think it’s nice.” 

Dean motioned to the others on the display, “Like any of the others better?” He’d chosen the paddle for its plainness and utility. Some were padded, which seemed to entirely defeat the purpose, others had grooves and indents to leave various shapes imprinted into the skin. There ones made with leather; some were thinner, the width of rulers. There were also riding crops and whips and canes, but he didn’t think either of them were necessarily looking for that.

Eggsy looked them over, then shook his head. "No. Let's try this one first. It's less, dunno, daunting?" He shrugged. "Did you like any of them better?" 

“Nah,” Dean shook his head. “What were you looking at over there?” he asked, gesturing to the other end of the aisle.

"Cock rings." Eggsy held out his hand. "C'mere. I think you'll actually like the idea." 

Dean crooked a brow, tucked the paddle under his arm, and took Eggsy’s hand, following him to the end of the aisle. “So what do these do?” he asked.

"Put it on, and it stops you from coming. For the most part," Eggsy said. "Doesn't hurt or anything, an' it's another way for me to have control." 

Dean gave a small laugh, “Yeah, that sounds like it’s right up our alley. Should definitely add that to the pile.” He looked at Eggsy, “There anything you want? Everything’s for me so far. You want something?”

Eggsy grinned. "Well, do you wanna see anything on me? I still wanna get nipple clamps, but I'm thinking I'm gonna grab a vibrating ring for me. To wear while I fuck you, tiger." He winked. "Sound okay?" 

_Everything_ sounded okay. More than okay. How the hell Dean’d gone this long, oblivious to so much about himself, he had no idea, but he was looking forward to fixing all that. To Eggsy fixing all that. He groaned quietly, knowing that when they got out of here, he was going to need to be fucked, and hard. 

He thought back to Eggsy’s first question, his mind flittering with images. He licked his lips at the memory of Eggsy first walking into the hotel room. “Can’t think of anything I’d like to see on you more than the suits you’ve already got.” 

“Then are we done shoppin’?” Eggsy asked, walking to the next aisle and fetching the tassled nipple clamps he’d had his eye on.  “Nothin’ else you’d like?” 

“I still want to look down that last aisle to see what’s there; now I’m just curious,” Dean suggested. He’d had one more idea, something he wanted to try, but hadn’t seen it yet. “You coming?” he asked.

“Lemme just pick the ring I want,” Eggsy said, rifling through the packages. “All right’ got it,” he said, holding it up. “Hey look,” he grinned. “Tiger stripes.” 

Dean smirked and rolled his eyes. He headed to the next aisle over, and saw that they did indeed have what he had been hoping for: a wide variety of gags. He motioned for Eggsy to come near. “How would you feel about me in one of these?” he asked casually.

Eggsy shrugged. “If you wanna stop what we’re doin’ we can use some kinda hand signal. I don’ mind them. This something you want?” he asked, stepping forward and examining a small black ball gag. 

“Think so,” Dean said, walking down to examine the selection. He stopped suddenly, one gag near the bottom catching his eye. He knelt to take a closer look, then closed his eyes and imagined what it might feel like. 

"Dean?" Eggsy asked, brushing a hand through his hair. "Which one are you lookin' at?" he asked quietly, watching him after glancing at the gags. 

Dean opened his eyes, tilting his head into Eggsy’s hand, and pointed. “Would that be okay?” he asked timidly.

Eggsy nodded. "You want it? Thinkin' about how it would feel, aren't you?" he murmured. "What if I had you on your stomach, hands tied behind your back and gagged with tha' while I fucked you, huh?" He smiled as Dean blushed. "Thought so. We gettin' it?" 

Dean reached out and took it off the shelf, handing it quickly to Eggsy as he stood up. The gag was all black leather, with a buckle that could be locked, and in lieu of a ball or bit to silence the user, it had a small cock, not enough to choke him, but enough to keep his mouth full and busy. Fuck, he could envision just what Eggsy had described, as though he were being taken twice over, and his own cock strained uncomfortably against his jeans. 

He adjusted himself, then realised as he pictured the fantasy, “Wait, do we need ropes or ties or anything?”

"Oh, righ'," Eggsy said. "Knew I was forgettin' something. Tell me if you want rough or soft stuff, an' I'll go find them. I got an idea in mind if you don't have a preference." 

“I trust you,” Dean smiled, feeling just a bit desperate to get back to the hotel.

"All righ' then." Eggsy went over, selecting some rougher hemp cording and some soft black silk ties. "C'mon tiger." 

They went up to the register and the shopkeeper smiled. "Find everything okay?" 

"Yep," Eggsy said with a smile as she rang up their items.

"Oh," she said, pausing at the collar. "Did you want to check the sizing on this? If we don't have the proper size, we can special order for you. We offer free personalization as well." 

"Dean?" Eggsy asked, setting a hand on his lower back. "Up to you." 

Dean felt as though his face had caught fire. He immediately dropped his head and stared at his feet. He ran a hand over the back of his neck and muttered, near incomprehensibly, “I dunno.”

"Well, I'll let you two decide," she said with a smile. "I'm just going to run in the back and do a price check on these ties." She hopped off her stool and disappeared into the back room. 

"Tiger?" Eggsy said quietly. "Don't have too. Probably should." 

Still staring at the ground, he admitted, “Didn’t think she was gonna ask fucking questions.” He looked up to Eggsy, then looked around to make sure no one was watching, “But yeah, I’ll try it on.”

"All righ'." Eggsy said. He picked the collar up, and unbuckled it. "Will you let me put it on you, luv?" he asked quietly, waiting for Dean to look up at him. 

“Yeah,” Dean breathed, catching the look of adoration and devotion in Eggsy’s eyes, and tilting his head up. “Yeah.”

"Okay." Eggsy reached up, closing the collar around Dean's neck and buckling it. "Perfect fit," he murmured, brushing a hand over Dean's cheek. "Does it feel okay?" 

Dean closed his eyes, gulped and nodded. His face was still aflame, but he felt almost peaceful. “Perfect,” he whispered.

“Looks beautiful on you,” Eggsy said. “Makes you look like mine.” He leaned in, kissing Dean gently before sliding the collar off. “We’ll head back to the hotel after this, okay?” he said, catching a dart of disappointment in Dean’s eyes as he set the leather back on the counter.

“Hotel,” Dean agreed, looking wistfully at the collar and cuffs. “I’m not sure I’m ever gonna want to leave.”

The cashier came back, but this time Dean was able to control his blush. While he didn’t contribute to the polite banter between her and Eggsy, he did take the bag from her hands after they checked out and nodded his thanks. He gently set the bag on the floor in the backseat of the Impala, and slid into the driver’s seat. He held onto the steering wheel, and took a few deep, calming breaths. 

"Good, tiger?" Eggsy asked, sliding into the passenger seat. "I know that was… a lot, yeah?" 

“Yeah. I don’t think I’ve ever been more embarrassed or more fucking turned on in my life. I don’t fucking understand what the hell my dick’s thinking, all I know is that I’ve got the bluest fucking balls and  _Christ_ , I think we’re gonna need that ring right away, cause I swear to god I’m gonna burst the second you touch me,” Dean blathered, tapping out a rhythm on the rim of the steering.

“Shit,” Eggsy said, blinking and then grinning wickedly. “Well… guess you better drive then, huh?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lingerie (NSFW)  
> [Panties](http://40.media.tumblr.com/0b9982abdd0a29f01feff037b9d2b2f4/tumblr_ml3y13NoCB1r61jfeo1_1280.jpg)  
> [Nightie](https://xdress.com/product/view/lingerie/camisoles/sweet-dreams-nightie-z551)  
> [Bra](http://shop.hommemystere.com/anneve-bra/)
> 
>  
> 
> [Paddle](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31zFIqEbN-L.01_SL500_.jpg)  
> [Clamps](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/81JM54gkqFL._SY355_.jpg)


	9. Sometimes It Feels As Though I Have A Key

It took far too long, in Dean’s opinion to get back to the hotel. He cursed every stoplight, every slow moving pedestrian, and even the valet who took forever to come to the car. The toys were in a brown paper sack, for which he was grateful, and he didn’t hesitate in the slightest getting back to their room, purchases in tow.

Eggsy followed Dean up, privately enthused at Dean’s eagerness. They got back to their room, and Eggsy shut the door, lock clicking with a dull thud. He met Dean’s eyes and surged forward, one hand threading into the hairs at the nape of his neck and tugging him down and the other pulling them together as they kissed, fierce and claiming. 

Dean moaned, wanton and shameless, letting Eggsy guide him. As the kiss heated, and Dean felt himself rolling his hips to provide friction for his cock through his jeans, he dropped to his knees instead. He wanted to taste Eggsy, wanted to be filled and teased and fucked and he wanted everything and he damned the very concept of refraction periods. Instead, he looked up to Eggsy, pleading with his eyes for anything Eggsy saw fit to give him.

“Fuck,” Eggsy breathed, running a hand through Dean’s hair. “Dean. What’s the word?” he asked. “Tell me first.” 

It took him half a second to remember what Eggsy was asking, but as soon as it registered, he blurted out, “Calder.”

“Go undress,” Eggsy said quietly. “If you want to wear anything we got today, you can choose, all righ’? Then I want you back here, and on your knees, facing the bed. Don’t take more than ten minutes.”

Dean grabbed the bag from this morning, and disappeared into the bathroom. He searched for the last pair of panties he’d tried on, the one Eggsy liked best with the bow in the back. He took a deep breath, and opened the stockings. He didn’t know if he’d like them, but he suspected Eggsy might, and so he slipped them up his legs. They were smooth, soft, sensuous and he looked at himself, impressed with how something meant to accentuate the delicate curves of women could so firmly highlight his muscles and strength. He finally felt he lived up to all the compliments Eggsy was giving him. 

He came out of the bathroom, resolutely not looking at Eggsy’s face, and knelt before the bed, knees spread wide, and his ass resting on his feet.  

Eggsy walked over to him, and stood behind Dean, collar in hand. “Dean?” he murmured. “I’m gonna put your collar on. Nod if you want me too.” 

Dean nodded, heart pounding, waiting for the feel of Eggsy’s collar. He could barely understand why he loved it; all he knew it was that it felt like a  _promise_ . That there was always going to be more, no matter the distance between them, that as long as they both could, he would be Eggsy’s and that Eggsy had claimed him. That Eggsy had  _wanted_ to claim him. For the first time in his life, he felt more that simply tolerated, but cherished.

Eggsy buckled the collar around Dean’s neck, leather sliding through the buckle with a nearly silent whisper. Eggsy pressed a kiss to the top of Dean’s head. “Stay here,” he murmured. He walked over, getting the cuffs and the gag as well as the cock ring. 

He took the gag into the bathroom, cleaning it as the shopkeeper had suggested, then brought the items back out and set them on the edge of the bed. “Dean?” Eggsy said, settling his hands on Dean’s shoulders. “Do you remember what I said in the shop? About the gag.” 

“That- that you’d fuck me. While I wore it,” Dean gasped out. 

“Yeah” Eggsy slid his thumb over the top edge of the collar. “And what else?” 

“You’d- you’d tie me up,” Dean answered, breath catching, cock twitching at the thought. 

Eggsy leaned down, nipping at Dean’s earlobe. “Do you want that?” he whispered. “Maybe I won’t even bother to take your panties off all the way. Just tug them down on your thighs, yeah? Fuck you into the mattress until you’re begging me to come.”

Dean whimpered at the thought. “Please. Please,  _Sir_ .” The title slipped out before he realized it, and he tensed, not sure if Eggsy would like it. Maybe he wanted something else, maybe he just wanted to be Eggsy. He waited, on edge, for Eggsy’s response. 

Eggsy sucked in a sharp breath, the title heading straight through his cock. “Fuck, tiger. Tha’ something you want to do?” he asked. “Cause… tha’s on the yes list.”

“Is it okay, Sir, or would you prefer something another title?” Dean asked, head bowed. He wanted Eggsy to have a title during these sessions, but wouldn’t accept anything Eggsy didn’t want.  

“Sir is good,” Eggsy said, wetting his lips. “If you like it, I really like it.”

“Yes, Sir,” Dean answered, feeling the heat course through his body and his cock strain against his panties. “Please, tell me what you need.” 

“Stand up,” Eggsy said, “And turn and face me.” He slipped his hand into his pocket, pulling out the camera as he took a small step back. 

Dean stood, keeping his eyes to the ground. He’d done a bit of research too, and wanted to submit to Eggsy in every way. His cock ached against the sheer black fabric, the stockings came up midway his thighs, and the collar he wore marked him as Eggsy’s more than anything thing else could have. 

“So fuckin’ gorgeous, tiger,” Eggsy murmured, reaching out and tipping Dean’s head up. “See this camera?” he asked quietly. “It’s jus’ for me an’ you. But I’m gonna take a picture.”

“Yes, Sir,” Dean agreed, feeling himself slid into a mode in which he might agree with anything and everything Eggsy said. “How would you like me?”  

“First, jus’ like this,” Eggsy replied, taking a full body picture. “Now, turn.” Dean did, and Eggsy took another before zooming in and taking a picture of his ass, and the bow that sat just at the top. “Good, Dean. Now. On the bed for me. On your back, knees up and legs open,” he said, setting the phone aside.

Dean crawled up, laying on his back, spreading himself wide for Eggsy. He’d already started to slip, he could tell, by how he lacked any sense of humiliation, and instead was simply pleasantly anxious to know how Eggsy would direct him next. “Like this, Sir?” he asked, confirming his position.  

“Yeah, luv. Real good.” Eggsy took the lube from the bedside table, and crawled onto the bed. “I want you to do somethin’ for me. Gonna have you open yourself up nice an’ wide for my cock,” Eggsy murmured, reaching a hand down to rub the bulge in Dean’s panties. “But first, why don’t you gimme a kiss?” 

Dean shifted himself up, letting Eggsy slip a hand behind his neck, and kissed him properly, with passion and fervor, wanting to consume and be consumed. When they broke apart, Eggsy pushed the lubricant into his hand, and Dean slicked two fingers, and, while on his back, began to tease and play at his hole. He started with one finger, just the tip, and slowly worked his way up to three fingers, gasping and moaning at his own touch all the while. His cock stayed trapped underneath the fabric of his panties, and he found himself undulating, hoping that Eggsy would soon see fit to pleasure him. 

Eggsy watched, his own cock filling as Dean moved, fingers working him open. “Stop, tiger,” Eggsy ordered after Dean had been rocking on three fingers for a few minutes. “Cuffs,” Eggsy said, tapping Dean’s hip until the other man rolled onto his stomach, arms behind his back. Eggsy fastened them around his wrists, clipping them together. He then slid a hand around Dean’s waist, pulling him up onto his knees, panties stretched around his slick thighs. “Gag now, luv,” Eggsy said, stroking a hand over Dean’s shoulders as he reached for the gag. “I want you to make a “V” with your fingers before I put this on,” Eggsy instructed. “If you need me to stop, that’s what you do. Show me, tiger.” 

Dean gave the Vulcan salute with one hand, the cuffs feeling perfect around his wrist,  and eagerly opened his mouth wide. 

"Good, luv," Eggsy said. He brought the gag around, pressing it into Dean's mouth and buckling it. "Christ, tha' mouth. So fuckin' filthy," Eggsy murmured, tracing the tip of his finger around the base of the gag. "You ready for me to fuck you? Want me to push you down and take what I want?" 

Dean nodded, eyes glazed and he’d already begun to lick and suck around the gag in his mouth. It wasn’t quite as good as Eggsy, but he still gave it similar enthusiasm. The image of himself flashed in his head, stockings, panties around his thighs, arms cuffed behind him, and eagerly sucking the cock strapped to his mouth, gagging any sounds he could make. He felt obscene, dirty, and he couldn’t wait for Eggsy to use him. 

“Tha’s it. Gonna take you hard,” Eggsy said, running his nails over the backs of Dean’s calves, the stockings catching just slightly. He brought his hands up and pushed Dean between his shoulder blades, pressing him down to the bed, ass up. He tugged Dean’s panties down, leaning down and biting a mark into the curve of his cheek with a smirk. “Mine, aren’ you?” he purred, pressing a thumb against Dean, watching his body swallow it up. 

Dean moaned at the intrusion, less than he wanted,  _needed_ , right now, but he reveled in it all the same. He had turned his head when he was tipped downward and faced the right, taking his need and focusing it all on the gag, knowing that even with his mouth full, little whimpers and whines were echoing out of his throat.

“Want more?” Eggsy asked, pressing his thumb in and out. “Desperate for my cock aren’t you?” He pulled his thumb away and stepped off the bed. “Gotta wait,” Eggsy said, turning so Dean could see him. He began to strip his clothes off slowly, leaving his pants for the last, teasing his zipper up and down, before letting them fall, shoving his boxers from his legs. He took his cock in hand, stroking himself slowly as Dean watched. 

Whimpering, Dean circled his tongue around the gag, wishing it were Eggsy. His hips rolled, despite the complete lack of friction against his cock, and he couldn’t stop watching Eggsy’s hand, sliding up and down himself, his foreskin easing the way. He felt himself drool around the gag, his mouth watering at the very thought of Eggsy, let alone the sight.

"Want this?" Eggsy asked, voice gone dark with desire. Dean nodded desperately and Eggsy climbed back on the bed, gripping his hips. He lined up, pressing just the head of his cock into Dean before pausing, taking in the image before him. "Fuck, tiger. Look how good you take me. Stretch around me."

Dean clenched, as if trying to coax Eggsy in further, with an whorish moan around the cock in his mouth. He wanted more; he knew Eggsy was taunting him, but feeling himself open greedily was enough to make him groan again, stifled by the gag. He could feel Eggsy’s thighs press against the satin softness of the panties around his legs, and  _fuck_ how he wanted more; his body ached and burned with the agonizing temptation.

Eggsy swore as Dean tensed around him. "Fuck, tiger." He stroked a hand down Dean's spine, then pulled back, using both hands to spread him wide. "So fuckin' needy for me," Eggsy murmured, and then slammed in with one hard thrust. “Love you so much. Only you.” 

Dean gave a muffled yelp at the sudden assault, the sting of which turned into an intense, broiling arousal in his belly. He had no traction, his hands cuffed and thighs bound by the panties, no way of doing anything other than be manipulated and fucked into with abandon, as though he were little more than the toy stuffing his mouth. He whined; he could feel his looming orgasm, teetering on edge, having been mostly hard all morning. And now? Being dolled up, crammed full and fucked? He stood little chance of lasting much longer.

"Don't come," Eggsy warned. "Hold out." He let go of Dean's hip with one hand, dragging his nails down Dean's spine. "What you think people would say, Dean?  Seeing you like this. Tied up an' mine, bein' used," Eggsy panted, snapping his hips forward. 

He clenched his feet and curled his toes, using every ounce of control he possibly possessed to try and keep from coming too soon. Eggsy was relentless, pounding hard and deep, reminding Dean how filthily debauched he was, and Dean whimpered; he could feel his orgasm rising like a tidal wave, and if Eggsy kept going, there was no way he could stop it.

Eggsy groaned and leaned down, pressing his body over Dean's, threading his free hand in Dean's hair. He gave a sharp tug, and bit at the side of Dean's neck, sucking a mark into his skin just below the collar as he thrust forward again. 

It was too much. The pain in his scalp, the bite sending shockwaves of ecstasy through his body. Dean howled behind the gag, the sound vibrating out of his throat as he came, thick stripes over the sheets. The sheer pleasure, the overwhelming sensation; Dean felt as though he were weightless, drifting on gusts of bliss, like a fallen leaf in the wind. He slumped in total relaxation, only distantly aware of the rest of the room.

Eggsy only barely held himself back from coming, biting his lip as Dean tightened around him, the muffled, pleading shout from behind the gag sparking in his spine. He pulled out, gripping the base of his cock tight as he fought for control. 

Dean felt sudden empty, lacking, and he whined, mostly to himself. He suckled at the gag, seeking its comfort, eyes half closed and unfocused. 

Eggsy reached out, caressing Dean's cheek. "Luv. Turn over," he ordered, nudging Dean's hip. "Tiger, turn over and open your eyes." 

He obeyed, before really registering the words, laying on his bound wrists, eyes open. He slowly sought out Eggsy, and attempted to smile dreamily around the gag. He let his thighs fall open, content and sated.

“All righ’?” Eggsy asked, straddling Dean’s thighs. “Came before you were supposed ta, tiger. Naughty.”

Dean’s only answer was to shift his gaze downwards, a hint of guilt in his eyes. He stopped toying with the gag, not sure if he deserved it anymore. 

“Did it feel good?” Eggsy asked, stroking himself slowly as he watched Dean’s reactions. “Huh? Did I make you feel good?” 

Dean nodded, eyes coming back up to meet Eggsy’s and he tried to pour the entirety of his pleasure and and reverence into his gaze. 

“‘S all righ’,” Eggsy said. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow, yeah?” He leaned down, brushing kisses over Dean’s face before pulling back. “But righ’ now, I’m gonna come. All over you, make you mine.” He started to stroke himself again, swirling precome around with his thumb. 

A happy little noise escaped Dean’s throat, knowing that Eggsy wasn’t going to stop on account of his misbehavior. He began to tongue and suck at the gag once again, watching Eggsy’s face, imagining it was him that would pull the orgasm from Eggsy, that it was Eggsy’s cock in his mouth. His hips rolled slightly, and he could feel the panties dig into his thighs as he spread his legs wider, still feeling the loss of Eggsy’s cock, and the way his hole was quivering as it attempted to recover from how hard, fast and full Eggsy had fucked him.  

Eggsy chuckled at Dean's excited whine, and leaned down, bracing himself up on one arm as he stroked. "Fuckin' close," he muttered. "Shit you do to me, tiger." With a groan he was coming, splattering over his hand and onto Dean’s chest and stomach, even as he pressed his lips to Dean’s shoulder.

A calm came over Dean, a sense of peace at having pleased Eggsy, being marked and claimed. He tilted his head back, baring his collar; floating and pleasant, with a quiet tranquility settling over his anxieties.  

Eggsy breathed out, the last tingles of his orgasm fading away as he slumped against Dean. “Tha’s it,” he murmured, sitting up slowly, reaching out to run his hand through Dean’s hair. “Be righ’ back, Dean. Just gonna run the bath, kay?” he said, kissing Dean gently on the throat, just above his collar.

A distressing tingle settled inside him and Dean shook his head, whimpering his concern. He couldn’t right himself as he was, and he wasn’t sure why, but the thought of Eggsy leaving, even just to run the bath, was upsetting. 

"No?" Eggsy asked, stroking his arm. "Okay, okay. Jus' c'mere, lemme untie your hands, all righ'? Take the gag out too, yeah?" 

Dean turned his head to make the buckle easier to reach, and he flexed and stretched his arms as they were released from their bonds. Dean sighed, lifting himself up just enough to grab Eggsy, and drag them both down onto the bed, where Dean wrapped his arms and legs around Eggsy, needing the contact. The momentary tension he’d felt was already gone, and he nuzzled into Eggsy’s neck with soft kisses. 

"Love you," Eggsy said, petting Dean's hair and reaching down to find the sheet, wiping some of the mess from Dean. "You all righ'? Wasn't too much?" 

“Awesome. Just can’t leave me,” Dean muttered into his neck, shaking his head softly as he spoke. “Need you.” He curled into Eggsy, trying to minimize his height, as though he could crawl into Eggsy’s lap and be safe. 

"Not goin' anywhere," Eggsy promised, kissing the top of his head. He reached down again though, tugging the panties up Dean's legs so they wouldn't cut into his thighs. "You need anythin'?" he murmured, kissing Dean again and wrapping his arms around him. 

“Bath,” Dean answered. Now that Eggsy was still with him, a bath sounded like a wonderful idea. He held tightly onto Eggsy, “But don’t leave. And water.” He was aware he wasn’t entirely coherent, but he recognized that just knowing that was a sign he was starting to drift out of his cloud. He sat up, pulling Eggsy with him, refusing to stop touching him. 

Eggsy smiled at him. "Can you walk?" he asked teasingly, though he was completely serious. "I can carry you in if you need me too," he said, running a comforting hand along Dean's back as Dean laid his head against his chest. 

“Think so. Don’t let go, yeah?” Dean muttered. He loved how mellow Eggsy could bring him, and wanted to show his gratitude. He slipped from the bed, onto his knees in front of Eggsy, hands still around his hips. He looked up with a euphoric smile, “Anything I can do for you, Sir?”

Eggsy smiled back at him, cupping Dean's face. "You're so good for me, tiger, know that?" He brushed away a smear of something on Dean's cheek with his thumb. "How about a kiss? Can you do tha' for me? Wherever you like." 

Dean leaned in, pressing a kiss to Eggsy’s inner thigh. He like that part of Eggsy, no matter how strong, lean and muscular he was, the inside of his thigh was white and downy soft with slight hairs. He pressed another kiss on the opposite thigh for good measure, then rested his head on Eggsy’s leg. 

"Did real well tonight, Dean," Eggsy murmured, stroking his cheek. "Fuckin' beautiful too, you know tha'? C'mon. Let's go get in the bath, yeah? I'll take one too." 

“You’d better,” Dean smiled, and pulled himself to standing. He stepped back, but waited for Eggsy to stand and guide him with a hand at the small of his back. Dean slid up onto the counter next to the bath, where Eggsy bent to run the water. When Eggsy turned back, Dean stuck out his leg, in a silent request to be undressed. 

Eggsy smiled and stepped between his legs, running his hands over Dean's thighs. "Up," he commanded, tugging the waistband of the panties down over the curve of Dean's arse. 

Dean hoisted himself with his arms, reveling in the silken slide of the panties down his thighs and over the stockings. Eggsy tossed them in the makeshift hamper they’d been using, and softly led his fingers up from Dean’s ankles, over the stockings, drifting up to his mid thighs and teasing at the exposed skin. 

"Lookit how dirty you are," Eggsy murmured. "All from me fuckin' you. Lovin' you." He leaned in and kissed Dean, trailing his lips down Dean's chest to his stomach to his soft cock. 

A whimper escaped him again, and he blushed. “Fucking hell, you make me make the sluttiest noises,” he commented, running a hand gently through Eggsy’s hair. “I think you like me dirty.”

"Love you dirty. Only for me," Eggsy replied, lifting his head. He grinned, and pulled the first stocking slowly down Dean's leg, nails scraping lightly against his skin. He threw it to the laundry, and then shifted his attention to the other leg, repeating the process, gaze locked with Dean for both. 

“Stockings okay, then?” Dean asked softly, having no strong opinion about them himself.

"I like 'em," Eggsy replied.He smiled and took Dean's hands. "Hey, love. Shouldn' wear the cuffs and collar in the water. Can I take them off you?" 

Dean froze; it hadn’t occurred to him they’d need to be removed. Slowly, he nodded, understanding the logic, even if the very idea made him tetchy. It was stupid, he told himself; they’d just bought them. They were just accesories. Their commitment to each other wasn’t wrapped up only in the leather straps. He held out his wrists first, and asked, while looking at the bath filling with water, “Can I get the collar back when we get out, Sir?” 

Eggsy watched the dismay and disappointment shoot over Dean's face as he held out his hands. "You can have the collar and the cuffs back if you want them," Eggsy said. "And if you wanna wear one of your new nighties, you can wear one of those too, all righ'?" He undid the cuffs, setting them gently aside. "On your knees now, yeah?" Eggsy ordered quietly, wanting Dean to have the comfort of submission even if he was taking the collar off for a bit. 

Sliding off the counter, and on to his knees, Dean felt comforted. He didn’t really understand why he was like this, why he felt right like this, but at Eggsy’s feet, he was too content to care. He lifted his neck, eyes closed, waiting for the collar to be removed, trying to keep steady the beat of his heart and and the pace of his breath. 

"We'll put it back on after our bath, luv," Eggsy promised, reaching down and unbuckling the collar. He set it aside, and ran a hand through Dean's hair. "All righ'?"

“Yeah,” Dean said softly, his hand going to where the collar was now missing. He leaned into Eggsy’s touch, craving the contact.

"C'mon," Eggsy murmured, coaxing Dean up and into the bath. Eggsy sat first, then pulled Dean gently into his lap, settling him between his legs. "You know somethin'?" Eggsy asked, pressing his lips to Dean's neck as they relaxed against each other.

“Hmm?” Dean hummed, the water relaxing his arms where they’d been bound, and the scent, along with the afternoon’s activities, making him drowsy.

"I really, really fuckin' love you, tiger." Eggsy sighed, nipping gently at the curve of Dean's shoulder.

Dean lifted Eggsy’s hand, kissing his palm, then his wrist. “Love you, too,” he said, then admitted, “Haven’t said that to anyone since Mom died. Not even Sammy. I mean, he knows, but I just-” Dean stopped, setting Eggsy’s hand back across his chest, “Can’t seem to stop telling you.”

"I get it," Eggsy said. "I tell people, but I don't mean it the way I do wit' you. Never have meant it the way I do with you." He squeezed Dean gently, hugging him to his chest. 

It didn’t take long for the gentle heat of the water and the safety of Eggsy’s embrace to lull him to sleep. 

After a while of simply relaxing, Dean warm and pliant, breathing easy against his chest, Eggsy reached out for the flannel he'd draped over the side of the tub. He gently cleaned the stickiness from Dean's skin, careful not to wake him. After, he wet his fingers and ran them through Dean's hair, bypassing a proper shampooing. When he finished, he pressed a kiss to Dean’s cheek, and nudged him awake with a whisper; “Dean? C’mon, let’s go to bed, yeah?” he said quietly. “Up, tiger.” 

Dean woke slowly, and muttered, “Shit, sorry about that. Damned relaxing, though.” He pulled himself up from the tub and offered a hand to Eggsy. He wrapped a towel around himself, then pulled another towel from the rack, starting with Eggsy’s hair, down his chest, then knelt to dry off his ass and legs. 

“Aren’t I supposed to be takin’ care of you?” Eggsy asked with a quiet chuckle. “Thank you, luv,” he said, pulling Dean up to stand and wrap the towel around his waist. “You still wan’ the collar and cuffs back on?” he asked, settling his hands on Dean’s hips, thumb rubbing up and down.

“Can’t have you dropping on me, either,” Dean murmured. He’d done a decent amount of research, trying to work to avoid another drop, only to discover that doms could drop too. The thought that Eggsy could feel as low, as fucking worthless as he had was unbearable, and he was determined to do everything he could to prevent that from happening. 

He looked to the counter, and picked up the collar. He stroked it delicately and handed it to Eggsy. 

Eggsy leaned up, kissing him before taking the it. He buckled it around Dean's neck again, then took his hand leading him out to the bedroom. He paused, tugging the messy top sheet off and throwing it on the ground. He pulled Dean to him, nudging him onto the bed and then climbing on beside him, and yanking the duvet up to cover them. "Gonna sleep?" Eggsy asked as Dean curled into him. 

The collar relaxed him, and he gave Eggsy’s chest a kiss. “Yeah, think I need a nap.” He sat up a moment, “No, wait, I need a drink. I’m- I’m really fucking thirsty.” He frowned, “Didn’t even notice.” He stood and went to the mini-fridge where they’d stashed some sodas and other beverages over the last few days. “You need something, too?” he asked, sitting down in front of the fridge, door open. 

"Why don't you just get three waters and come back here," Eggsy said, watching him carefully. "Two for you, one for me, yeah?" 

“Water for me. Okay.” Dean looked at the open fridge, and tilted his head. There were half a dozen waters and each one was a different brand. He didn’t know which one he liked best. Or which Eggsy liked best. He knew Sammy prefered a specific type of bottled water and he didn’t want to pick the wrong one. He stayed there, the fridge opened, unable to make a decision.

“The green label for me,” Eggsy said, sitting up. “You like the one with the purple label and the blue label, because you think they both taste the same. You complain about it,” he said with a smile, seeing that Dean was still somewhat floaty and confused. “Come on, luv.” 

Dean picked up the purple, the green, and blue, pleased to know he’d be making the right choice, and came back to the bed. “Too many waters,” he complained, opening the blue one and chugging the whole bottle in a single go. He looked at his wrists, and frowned. “The cuffs,” he commented softly, sadly. 

“Do you wan’ me to go get them?” Eggsy asked, reaching out and laying his hand over Dean’s wrist. “Or do you want to wait till we wake up to put them back on?” 

He shrugged; he didn’t want to be a burden, and realised he was starting to come back to himself. It wasn’t the drop like before, but it more than as he transitioned from Eggsy’s Dean to himself, the old concerns snuck back in. Eggsy’s Dean was content, blissfully happy, loved and didn’t have a care in the world beyond his submission to Eggsy and Eggsy’s care for him. He himself was a bundle of neuroses, self hate, false confidence and apparently, panic attacks. 

He was learning though, learning to trust Eggsy, learning to accept that even if  _he_ didn’t believe what Eggsy was saying, that he was fairly certain Eggsy believed it. But it didn’t stop thirty years of experience on Earth, and another forty in Hell from bubbling to the surface. So he shrugged again, touching his hand to his collar to remind himself of how it felt to be Eggsy’s Dean.

“I’ll get them,” Eggsy said, seeing Dean’s uneasiness. “If you’re okay with me leaving for a minute.” He leaned forward, trailing his finger over the collar. “You know… it’s okay to like havin’ them on. An’ it’s okay to ask me to put them on you.” 

Dean took a deep breath, forcing himself to try, but all he could get out was a small “ _Please_ .”

“Okay,” Eggsy said. He kissed Dean gently, and got off the bed, bringing the cuffs out. He clambered back on the bed, and reached out for Dean’s hand. 

Dean extended his wrists, downcast eyes coming up slowly as Eggsy placed the leather cuffs back on each arm. He smiled tentatively, trying to read Eggsy’s expression, but Eggsy was looking down at the cuffs, running his fingers over them, then trailing his fingers down Dean’s palm.

“Beautiful,” Eggsy murmured, brushing his thumb over one of Dean’s scars. He looked up at Dean and smiled back at him. “All righ’? Need anythin’?” 

There was nothing but tenderness in Eggsy’s eyes, and Dean shook his head. “Got everything need right here.” He lay his head on the pillow, pulling Eggsy down with him. The afternoon sun hadn’t yet fallen down into their westward facing window, and Dean was able to drift back into a dreamless sleep.


	10. I Still Believe

Eggsy woke with a groan, stretching slowly. He blinked looking over at the clock, and then at Dean, still in a deep sleep, head pillowed on Eggsy’s chest. “Dean,” Eggsy murmured, shaking him gently. “It’s nine, tiger. You wanna sleep through the night, or get some food?” 

Dean woke slowly, tracing Eggsy’s nipple with a finger as he did. Suddenly, his stomach let out a loud, angry growl, and both he and Eggsy chuckled. “Fuck, haven’t eaten since breakfast. I’m starving.” He rolled up to sitting, and leaned against the headboard. 

“Kind of in the mood to go out, then maybe find a bar or some- wait!” Dean jumped up excited, grabbing his phone. “There’s a place here, does the planetarium laser light shows to classic rock - you think that’d be cool?” he asked, as he scrolled through, trying to find a schedule. 

"Sounds fun," Eggsy said, sitting up and yawning. "We gonna get some food before, then head there?" 

“Think we’ve got time. They’re doing Journey at 10:30 and The Wall at midnight. What’d you like better?” Dean asked, referencing his phone.

"Um... they're not doing The Clash?" Eggsy said with a grin, shrugging. "I dunno. What do you want?" 

Dean laughed, “Sorry, man. If you’ve got a thing for the Brits, they do a Beatles one, but we’d have to go tomorrow, they do it early. Probably ‘cause it’s better for the kiddies. Tonight? Let’s do the midnight show. I dunno about you, but I’m not falling asleep again any time soon. We can hit up a pub, have a few drinks. If I were twenty again, I’d say let’s find a joint, but a few beers’ll have to do. Can’t see Pink Floyd  _completely_ sober. I think it’s a law or something.”

Eggsy laughed. "Fine. Beers and cheap hamburgers, yeah? Oh! Onion rings! I wan' some of those too." He got out of bed, and walked over to Dean, slinging his arm around Dean's waist and tugging him in for a kiss. 

Dean tossed on a his clothes, something comfortable, and was reminded of the cuffs as his long sleeve shirt slid on. He smiled, and as he shrugged on his jacket, he realized he was still wearing the collar. He looked at Eggsy with a hesitant smirk, and gestured to his neck, “Can’t wear this out.”

"You can," Eggsy said, looking at him. "But if you'd rather not, I'll take it off. This is for us, yeah? And you still have the cuffs." 

“Yeah, I’ll keep the cuffs,” Dean agreed, but turned and ducked his head for Eggsy to unbuckle the collar. There was no doubt in his mind the collar would attract too much attention. He already spent most of his time lying about who he was; no one ever really wanted to know Dean Winchester, high school dropout, hunter, failure. It was always Dean Page, Simmons, Hagar, whichever alias he used that day; Dean the suited success, and whether he were a venture capitalist, an FBI agent, or even a journalist,  _that_ was the Dean people liked. But add  _obvious sexual deviant_ to the list? He didn’t think it was possible to lie his way out of that one.   

Eggsy unbuckled the collar, and set it down on the bedstand, then changed his mind and tucked it away in the drawer. “There. Waitin’ for us to get back, yeah?” he asked, smiling at Dean and tugging a shirt and jeans from his bag. “Hey. You got another plaid in your bag?” he asked. 

Dean laughed, “Always.” He rooted through his bag, “You like this green one, or I’ve got a solid blue.” He held both up for Eggsy’s reference. 

“Green,” Eggsy replied, reaching out for it and slipping it on. He grinned, and had to roll up the sleeves, winking at Dean. “What do you think?” he asked. 

“Think it looks like I’m lowering your standards one by one,” Dean chuckled half-heartedly. “You look good, don’t get me wrong, but compared to the stuff you normally wear…” Dean trailed off. Eggsy’s clothes were fit, expensive, and while Dean had no problem with his own clothes, seeing them on Eggsy made him acutely aware of how beneath Eggsy he truly was. Eggsy had risen so far, given the shit background he’d started with, he’d done so much good, was so goddamned  _fucking_ awesome, and here he was, slumming with Dean.

“Lowerin’ my standards?” Eggsy asked, looking at himself. “I like this, Dean. Is there somethin’ wrong with what you wear?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Nah, not for me,” Dean shrugged nonchalantly. “You’re just… I dunno, better than this second hand shit now. I mean, come on,” he smirked, “you can’t pretend that you could have anyone you wanted, man or woman. You’re young, gorgeous, rich, ripped; I mean, I just got fucking lucky you found something you liked in me.” Dean grinned at Eggsy, only to see him frowning back.

"So lemme get this straight," Eggsy said, crossing his arms. "You're saying I'm better than you? An' because I'm better, I should go find someone else, an' shouldn't bother with you? Or wearin' this shirt, which I wanna wear cause it's yours? Dean, when you gonna believe that I want you? Tha' you're the righ' person for me, an' you deserve me and to be happy, jus' as much as I deserve you and to be happy?" 

Dean sighed, “No, I didn’t mean it like that. More like- well, you ever see  _Who Framed Roger Rabbit_ ? You’re Jessica Rabbit, I’m Roger Rabbit. She loves him, and they’re good together, but there’s no doubt she is  _way_ the fuck out of his league. That’s all I mean.”

Eggsy sat down on the edge of the bed. "C'mere," he said quietly, holding out his hands. 

He slumped his shoulders, but followed Eggsy’s instruction, standing between his knees. “It’s fine, sweetheart,” he tried to reassure Eggsy, “There ain’t nothing wrong with me being realistic. I know you love me, despite how fucked up I am. I don’t doubt it.”

Eggsy took Dean's hands in his own. "Dean. You know I love you, but I wanna ask you somethin' an' I want an honest answer," Eggsy said, face blankly serious. 

Dean’s brow furrowed, “Yeah, ‘course.”

"Do you love yourself?" Eggsy asked, meeting his eyes.

“What does that even mean?” Dean asked, wanting to answer but having no idea how. “I mean, I don’t plan on offing myself, if that’s what you mean.”

"Not what I mean," Eggsy said, squeezing his hands. "I mean, do you think I should love you? Do you think tha' Sam should be proud to be your brother? Tha' people are proud to know you, tha' you can look in the mirror and smile at yourself?" 

“What’s it matter?” Dean looked away; uneasy. “Should people love me? Probably not; people I love tend to fucking die. And proud of me? Fuck. The one reason I knew a fucking demon had possessed my dad was because the demon told me he was proud of me. I ain’t done nothing that really matters. Hell, I was attacked by a djinn once; djinn give you this perfect dream state, right? Let you live out your best fantasy. Mom was still alive, Sammy was getting married, and you know? Everyone remembered me as a drunk who couldn’t remember Mom’s birthday, and stole from them to cover my debts. Still the best life I’d had till then.”

Dean tugged his hands from Eggsy’s and sat on the bed next to him. “I know I ain’t much. But if I make you happy, for whatever reason, isn’t that good enough?”

"Not if you aren' happy," Eggsy said. He frowned, but leaned over and kissed Dean. "I think… I think we can talk about this tomorrow. I wanna think about something," he said, reaching a hand out and taking Dean's hand in his own again, giving it an encouraging squeeze before letting go. "You ready to get some food?" 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Dean answered, a bit slowly. He’d done something wrong, he could tell, but he wasn’t sure what. It unsettled him, and he played with his cuffs as Eggsy slipped on his shoes. 

"Ready," Eggsy said, looking at him. "C'mon tiger. Burgers are waitin." 

Dean grinned, and they headed out to a pub that still served food this time of night. The food was excellent, and he and Eggsy chatted aimlessly about their favorite cartoons as kids, school stories, and other memories that strictly bordered on amusing and happy. Dean could feel the cloud over him, knowing there was something on the peripheral, but burying his concern and anxieties where they couldn’t be found. He’d had practice for years, playing light hearted and happy whenever Dad was away too long and Sammy worried, or when Hell loomed over the two of them. So he pulled out his confident, playful facade, and smiled genuinely at Eggsy. “It’s pretty awesome. Think you’ll like it,” he grinned.

"You done eatin' then?" Eggsy asked, not quite believing the smile Dean sent his way, even if it did look real. "We can head over if you are. I'm full." 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Dean nodded, though his plate was still half full. “That was a big fucking burger,” he tried to explain away, “And hell, those two beers were like a meal a piece.” He’d gotten a couple of local brews, both heavy and thick for the winter. At least it’d keep him warm outside. “It’s what, a ten minute walk?” Dean double checked. “Starts in half an hour, so yeah, let’s pay and get ourselves some good seats.”

Eggsy nodded and Dean went up to pay. When he came back, Eggsy slipped his hand into Dean's, leaning intg he’d done something to prompt Eggsy’s displeasure with him, but as Eggsy seemed to be ignoring it for now, he followed suit. 

Eggsy tossed an onion ring at Dean, hitting him in the nose. "Hey," he said. "Smile. We're going to a laser show in about thirty minutes an' I've never seen one." He grinned. "Really. Love you, wanna see you smile." 

Dean smiled, focusing on him for the walk over. They didn't talk much, both lost in thought, Eggsy wondering about Dean's answer to his earlier question. 

They came upon the building and Eggsy paused, tugging Dean into the doorway of a nearby shop. He grinned and pressed him into the wall, kissing him fiercely before releasing him. "I love you," he whispered, running a thumb over Dean's cuff and pressing another kiss to Dean's throat, hopefully reminding him of their bond and commitment. He stepped back, and smiled at Dean again. "I'm not mad or anythin'," he said. "But it feels like you think I am. So can you forget whatever is at you righ' now, an' enjoy the show?" 

Dean melted against the wall, feeling a surge of passion and security in Eggsy’s touch. “There’s nothing-” Dean began, then choked on his own emotions, as though he were hit with an unexpected inability to deceive. Abruptly, Dean found he could no longer hide that he didn’t know what Eggsy was on about. He confessed, “It’s not that you’re mad, but I know you’re disappointed. It’s too familiar; it’s hard to ignore.” 

This time, Dean ran his own hand over the cuff, “But I’m working on it. You got a better eye than Sammy, I’ll say that much.”

"I'm a lil' disappointed, but not at you," Eggsy replied, setting his hand over Dean's. "Little disappointed at myself. So righ' now, I wanna go to the light show. An' we can talk about it later, or tomorrow, all righ'?" 

Dean nodded, not sure of what else to do, and Eggsy smiled cautiously and led their way. 

The show was impressive. The seats were deeply reclined, and they sat staring at the domed ceiling while the lasers and music synced to create a pretty trippy story. Eggsy held Dean’s hand the entire time, and Dean placed his other hand behind his head, relaxed and letting the show distract him from everything else. 

As the show ended, and the lights came up slowly, Dean blinked until his eyes had adjusted, then looked to Eggsy. “So? What’d you think?”

"I think tha' was fuckin' class," Eggsy said with a grin. "Probably coulda been better with some better music," he teased, "but I'll allow it. This time." 

Dean narrowed his eyes suspiciously, then grinned. “Pretty late. Wanna find a pub or head back?”

Eggsy shrugged. “You wanna jus’ take a walk? Gotta be some kind park around here, righ’?” 

“Sounds good. Don’t know if they’ll let us just chill in a park at one in the morning, but a walk is good. Wanna go down by the water?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy said. They left, Eggsy taking Dean’s hand again as they walked. They found a small path that led down to the water, and followed it, the rhythmic sound of the waves lapping against the cement and distant traffic lulling them both into silence. Eggsy leaned his head against Dean’s shoulder, squeezing his hand gently. 

“I always forget how big cities are constantly busier. In the podunk towns we go to, you wouldn’t’ve seen a soul on the way down here. And certainly no one sober if you did,” Dean commented with a quiet voice that seemed to fit the mood.

Eggsy chuckled. “I’m sure we’ll see someone drunk any time now,” he murmured. “Besides, would it be the city if we didn’t have all these busy people?” He leaned up and kissed Dean’s cheek. 

Dean turned, holding Eggsy’s jaw with his other hand, and kissed him deeply. He let his hand drift to Eggsy’s neck, then teased his fingers through Eggsy’s hair as he continued to kiss him, a happy moan quietly rising from his throat.

Eggsy smiled into the kiss, running his hand down Dean’s side and tugging him in closer. “If you don’t stop, we might hafta find somewhere to sit down,” he murmured, then went back to kissing him.

He wrapped his arms around Eggsy’s waist, pulling them flush against each other. “Don’t wanna stop,” Dean growled.  

“No?” Eggsy said, nipping at his lower lip. “Why not?” He smirked and slid his hand under Dean’s shirt.

Dean groaned, burrowing his head into Eggsy’s neck, teeth scraping against Eggsy’s neck. “Can’t stop; you’re fucking everything. Fucking  _everything_ to me.” He let his hands slide down into Eggy’s jeans, groping the top of his ass. 

"Should we go back to the hotel, or you wanna find a fuckin' bush?" Eggsy asked, sliding his hands up, pinching Dean's nipple. 

“Not my call,” Dean answered breathily. “But I kinda want to blow you.” Dean rolled his cock against Eggsy’s, “But I can do that here or there. Up to you.”

"Gonna get on your knees for me?" Eggsy growled, nipping at his lip. "Gonna lemme fuck your mouth righ' here?"

Dean dropped to his knees without hesitation, teeth at Eggsy’s zipper, eyes seeking Eggsy’s in the dark, waiting for the command. 

Eggsy glanced around. "C'mere," he said, stepping into the shadows of an odd shaped building. "Stay on your knees." 

Dean shuffled forward on his knees, falling at one point, and crawling over to where Eggsy stood. He came back up to his knees, licking his lips. 

"Take out my cock," Eggsy murmured, taking Dean's hair in hand and tugging gently. "Be my good boy," he warned. "No hands." 

Dean used his teeth to pull down Eggsy’s zip, and through some awkward maneuvering of his teeth, tongue, lips, and even his nose on occasion, he was able to coax Eggsy out of his pants. He held his hands behind his back, and looked up, waiting for more instruction. 

Eggsy wrapped a hand around his cock and stroked himself, then traced the head over Dean's bottom lip. "You have any idea what you look like righ' now?" Eggsy asked. "Your eyes, watchin' me. Waitin' to suck my cock like you're dyin' for it?" 

The moan escaped Dean’s throat without permission, but he supposed it wasn’t a secret, the way he craved Eggsy, his orders, his cock, just  _everything_ . He nodded his head eagerly, sneaking his tongue out to lick at the precome at the tip of Eggsy’s cock. 

"Ah! No, tiger," Eggsy said, moving himself away. "Did I say you could lick?" 

Dean’s eyes grew wide, and he sat back on his heels, hands still behind his back. “Sorry,” he apologized, eyes cast downward. 

"Do I need to punish you until you learn to listen?" Eggsy asked in a harsh whisper. "Maybe you don't get my cock. Maybe I'll deal with it myself." 

“Sir, please,” Dean begged, eyes still on the ground, “I can still help, even if you don’t let me come, even if you punish me later. I don’t want you to suffer.” Dean was almost surprised to realise he truly meant it, that while his own orgasm would be nice, it was secondary to pleasing Eggsy. 

"I dunno, tiger," Eggsy said, tightening his grip on Dean's hair. "Why do you deserve to help? You like suckin' my cock. Maybe I should make my cock your reward."  

Dean licked his lips, but kept his eyes down, “Whatever you think is best, Sir.” He’d take Eggsy anyway he could. If Eggsy wanted to fuck his throat, come over his shirt, on his face, he’d be happy to please him. If Eggsy wanted to tease him back to hotel and taunt him for hours, Dean would accept it happily. He felt a descending calm, and he knew he could do anything Eggsy wanted right now. 

"I'll decide at the hotel," Eggsy said, seeing Dean relaxing into his position and worrying about him slipping into subspace practically in the middle of the street. "Stand up and show me your hands." 

He stumbled as he stood, but once he righted himself, Dean held out his hands for Eggsy’s approval. 

"They're clean enough," Eggsy said, lifting one and pressing a kiss to Dean's palm, then kissing the other. "Put my cock away," he said, leaning against the wall, and watching Dean with heated eyes. 

“Yes, Sir,” Dean agreed, careful to tuck Eggsy in without unduly pleasuring him. Once the zip was up, Dean stood back, hands behind his back, waiting for further instruction.

"Come here," Eggsy said, and drew Dean down for a kiss. "Now. Hotel. Let's go."

Dean nodded, and began to walk in the direction of the hotel. It took almost a block, but Dean entwined his hands from behind his back, and reached for Eggsy’s hand once again. The hotel lobby was empty, and the ride up the elevator was silent. Dean felt a sort of nervous energy, but he waited; not sure how much of that was fear and how much was instinct. 

Eggsy glanced at the clock as they stepped into their room, then went to sit on the edge of the bed. "First," he said, looking at Dean. "Collar stays off until we have this talk, unless you want it on. Either way, we're equals an' shit. No Sir, or kneelin'.

Fear, then, Dean realized. He found a chair across the room, and unbuckled his cuffs, setting them on the table beside him. This was it. This is when Eggsy announced he’d been fun for a week, but Dean couldn’t have expected it to be real, could he? 

"How far will you let me go?" Eggsy asked, looking at Dean, trying to read the emotions showing on his face. "We didn' really talk about punishments...jus' mentioned them in passin'. I need to know you trust me to do this, an' tha' you'll stop me if you need to." 

Dean sighed; he wasn’t sure if he felt better or worse about this conversation compared to what he was expecting.

“I spent thirty years tortured in Hell, Eggsy, there’s no chance you’re more creative than Alastair. All I ask is you don’t do the drawn and quartered thing, like making me an ‘X.’ It’d be too... familiar. Other than that, yeah, I fucking trust you completely. You’re not a demon, things that’d actually destroy me you aren’t even capable of imagining, I’m pretty damned sure.”

"So am I," Eggsy said, rubbing at his neck, "All right. What's our word then?" he asked, taking a breath in and letting it out slowly. 

“Calder,” Dean answered quickly this time, knowing what Eggsy was looking for.  

Eggsy nodded, and stood, walking over to the bags of shopping they'd gotten earlier. He fetched a few items and brought them out. "Undress,"  he ordered, handing them to Dean. "And put these on." 

Dean blanched, but obeyed. He’d forgotten he’d come twice without permission, and knew he had a punishment coming. He stripped, pulling the satin pink panties on, the white stockings, and to his chagrin, a matching pink and white bra. He stood, hands clasped around his forearms behind his back, eyes closed, refusing to look at himself. He could already feel the fire racing up his chest, the shame on his face, and he had no interest seeing it firsthand. 

"Go get your cuffs, and then come back and kneel," Eggsy ordered, fetching the collar from the bedside drawer and stripping off Dean's plaid and his own shirt. 

Dean slid the cuffs on, bucking them quickly, and knelt before Eggsy. His heart raced, unsure of what to expect. He knew Eggsy would punish him properly, he just didn’t know  _how_ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Laser Dome](https://www.pacificsciencecenter.org/laser-dome/).


	11. Turning Grey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is your reminder that as part of Dean's punishment (and not for kink), he'll have to call Eggsy 'Daddy'.

Eggsy looked down at Dean with a frown. "I'm gonna punish you for four things," he said, twisting the collar around in his hands. "Do you know what they are?" 

Dean frowned, “I came twice without permission. I- I don’t know what the other two are.” He searched his mind for offenses, but could come up with nothing. 

Eggsy nodded. "You came twice without permission," he said. "Then you didn't wait to lick my cock until I said you could when we were outside." He hesitated. "And the fourth is for tryin' to lie to me and hide how you were feelin' at dinner." 

Dean nodded at the third offense as it came back to him, but he didn’t understand the last one. “Please, Sir, what do you mean about dinner? I get the others, but not that one.” He wanted to argue, but knew it’d be a bad idea. 

"Why couldn't you eat your dinner?" Eggsy asked quietly. "Were you really full from the beers? Tell the truth." 

Dean cringed, but answered, “Could tell you were disappointed in me. Even said it at the time. I’d failed you, fucked up somehow. I knew it, and I couldn’t eat. Not properly, anyway.”

"You did tell me after," Eggsy nodded. "But you didn't fuck up. I was disappointed in myself, cause you still don't think you're worth anything. I'm disappointed that I couldn't think of a way to convince you. But tryin' to hide how you're feelin' still isn't okay, even if you tell the truth after. So I'm still gonna punish you for it, but I'll go easier on you. Understand?" 

“Yes, Sir,” Dean answered. Even if he wasn’t entirely sure  _why_ keeping his feelings to himself was worthy of punishment, he accepted Eggsy’s decision. He didn’t know how to feel worthwhile, let alone believe he actually had any worth whatsoever, but he was willing to trust Eggsy’s ruling regardless. 

"You know why, righ'?" Eggsy asked, settling the collar around Dean's neck and buckling it. "Cause if I can't trust you to tell me when you're upset or somethin' like tha', how can I trust you to safe word when you need too?" Eggsy leaned down, and tilted Dean's face up for a chaste kiss on the lips. "An' even though I don't want you thinkin' you're worthless, I don't think anything I say is gonna change tha'. So I wanna show you instead. How much worth you have, tiger. How much you mean ta me." He stroked a hand over Dean's collar and continued, almost as much to settle his own nerves as to explain to Dean what he was thinking. "And I'm takin' the time to punish you, righ'? Means I care about you enough to correct a behavior tha' isn't good. You ready?" Eggsy asked, taking a breath.

It made sense, the first part anyways, and Dean nodded. He knew he’d be working on the last part for a while, and imagined he’d be getting punished quite a bit for that. But there was a ring of truth that he recognized in what Eggsy said. That if it didn’t matter, if _he_ didn’t matter, Eggsy wouldn’t bother with any of this. 

“Yes, Sir,” Dean answered, barely more than a whisper. “I’m ready.”

"Then bring me the paddle," Eggsy ordered. "It's still in the bag." 

“Yes, Sir,” Dean went to stand, then thought better of it, “May I stand, Sir?”

"Yes." Eggsy stood as well, moving over so he was seated in one of the chairs at the table, repositioning it so he was facing the full length mirror on the bathroom door. "Dean. Stop," he called out as Dean walked past the mirror. "I want you to look at yourself." 

Dean cringed, eyes tight as he turned towards the mirror. He didn’t want to see himself, not like this. But he knew it’d only be worse if he didn’t, so he slowly opened his eyes, staring at the floor. he looked up, taking in the white stockings, which he could deal with, and the panties, which he liked, and stopped there, staring at a scar on his hip. 

Eggsy stood, and walked over to him, slipping the paddle from Dean's hand. "All of you," Eggsy said quiet, but forceful. "Or this stops now." 

It almost hurt, the way his chest burned with the humiliation of it, and the deep rolling rock of Eggsy’s disapproval slung over him like a physical weight. Dean took a long breath, and looked up. At his chest, to the hated lacy white bra with the pink bows, to his tattoo, and up to his face. He looked in his own eyes, only being able to stand it for a second or two, then looked at Eggsy’s face in the mirror. 

"All righ'," Eggsy said, nodding. "You can stop now." He reached out, settling his hands on Dean's hips and pulling him to him. "Tha's it, luv. C'mere." He brushed a kiss against the back of Dean's head. "C'mon." He stepped away, and sat down again, beckoning Dean to him. "Over my knees," he said, and waited to see if Dean would protest. 

Dean turned, face still blushed, looked at Eggsy, then down at his feet. He walked over, not quite sure how to position himself; and realized it couldn’t be anything other than awkward as fuck. His whole body burned hot from the humiliation, and Dean thought he might burst into flames at any moment. 

Eggsy’s knees were too high for Dean to simply kneel over them, and his lap too narrow for Dean to stay steady. He was able to steady himself over Eggsy’s knee with his hands, but his legs dangled oddly and  _fuck_ , Eggsy shifted his legs just enough so that his legs pressed against the lacy fabric of the bra, making the offending lingerie impossible to forget.

Dean held himself up with one hand, letting the other drift to his collar. To remind him why he was doing this, allowing this, why, in some fucked up way, he wanted and needed this. He took several steadying breaths in preparation of accepting his punishment.

"All righ'?" Eggsy asked, stroking a hand through Dean's hair, and setting his other, holding the paddle, on Dean's lower back. "Now. How many you think you deserve? This is the first time, so not a lot," he asked quietly. "But it's gonna hurt. Enough so that you notice it." 

It was not a question he expected, and Dean didn’t know how to answer. “Dunno,” he said thoughtfully, then added honestly, “Don’t know if matters to you, but I’ve got a pretty high threshold for pain.” 

Dean’s eyes were closed again, and he was glad Eggsy couldn’t see his face. What he  _deserved_ was to not be here at all, not with this gorgeous fucking guy; he  _deserved_ to die bloody killing some monster. Dean had no idea how Eggsy did it, but if he could have seen Dean’s face, he’d know. 

Eggsy frowned, Dean body taut and tensed on him. "Hands on the ground," Eggsy instructed. "I'm gonna start with fifteen. These are for comin' without permission. If you need to stop, what do you say?" 

“Calder,” Dean answered, almost automatically this time. 

"Good," Eggsy replied, stroking his hair. "After each, you're gonna say 'thank you' and use my title. An' I think for punishments, it shouldn't be Sir. Should be somethin' you don't like."

“Master?” Dean suggested.

"Do you wanna use that?" Eggsy asked. "We'll try it, but I don't think it's gonna do it. I want' something tha'...." He trailed off. "I know wha' to use," he said. "An' I want you to think about it, and how it's gonna make you feel. Because if you say no then tha's it, we drop it. Understand?" he asked, running a thumb over Dean's collar. 

“What’s it supposed to feel like?” Dean asked, hesitant and anxious. It felt like Eggsy was leading up to something big. 

"Depends on you," Eggsy said hesitantly. "Remember how we talked about humiliation as punishment? I think this is gonna be part of tha'. During punishments, I want you to call me Daddy." 

Heat rushed through him, and Dean felt like his whole body was on fire again. Eggsy wasn’t fucking kidding around; that was goddamned mortifying, even between the two of them, alone. His heart pounded, but as much as he hated to admit it, it made a certain amount of sense. He wasn’t supposed to like it, he was supposed to avoid punishment, and fuck all if he didn’t want to ever say this again. But he couldn’t guarantee it. He didn’t know if he could actually say the word aloud. He conceded quietly. 

“I’ll try.”

"If you need to stop you know the word," Eggsy said, worried about pushing Dean too far. He picked up the paddle, and pushed Dean's panties down, stretching them around his thighs. "Count, and thank me after each," he reminded, then pulled back, and struck across the curve of Dean’s ass. 

“One,” Dean gave a small inhalation, but otherwise didn’t react adversely to the pain. It barely registered to what came next. “Thank you-” Dean closed his eyes, took a deep breath, exhaled, and at the end came a forced, nearly silent, “Daddy.”

“Good, luv,” Eggsy said. “Fourteen more.” He brought the paddle down again, slightly harder as he tested Dean’s tolerance. 

“Two,” Dean recited. “Thank you,” he paused again, working up the nerve as he had before. This time, he spit it out quickly, “Thank you, Daddy.” Dean was certain his face burned more than his ass, and started to chant the word  _‘Daddy’_ in his head, trying to make it so that he could at least say it properly, even if he didn’t like it. 

Eggsy ran his hand over Dean’s rapidly reddening skin, massaging the flesh. “Thirteen left,” he muttered, more for his benefit than Dean’s, though the paddle weighed far easier on his mind than using his hand. “Again,” he said, and drew down for two quick blows. 

Dean, focused on the word in his head, blurted out, “Daddy!” in lieu of his numbers, then cringed. “Three, four, thank you, daddy,” he rushed out, realizing that though he was embarrassed by the mistake, it was getting easier to say the word itself. The pain on his backside was heating up rapidly as Eggsy’s spankings grew more firm, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. 

“Relax,” Eggsy said, and tugged gently on Dean’s hair, stroking it back. "You're takin' it really well." He pressed his hand over Dean's collar, reminding him it was there. "I'm gonna hit harder now. All righ'?" 

“Yes, S- yes, daddy,” Dean answered, catching himself. He appreciated Eggsy’s touch, and focused on the softness of the collar as he kept his breath steady.

"Another then," Eggsy said, and brought the paddle down, harder than he had before. 

This time, he couldn’t hold back the gasp, and he had to take a breath before saying his thanks. He couldn’t be sure, but it felt like Eggsy was spanking the same spot each time; he wondered if he were being tested. He wondered if he’d have bruises when they were done. His cock stirred against Eggsy’s leg at the thought. 

Oddly enough, the jump of Dean’s cock settled any misgivings Eggsy had. “You’re not supposed to be enjoying this,” he said and struck him again, squeezing the back of Dean’s neck gently. “What do you say?” 

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” Dean answered, then, “Six. Thank you, Daddy.” He didn’t like the title anymore than he had in the beginning, but at least the tangle of knots behind his belly button were slowly unraveling. It was still humiliating, but some of his unfounded anxieties were fading.

“Better. Why are we doin’ this?” Eggsy asked. “What are you bein’ punished for?” 

Dean took a breath, “I came twice without permission. I licked your cock without permission. I didn’t tell you how I was feeling.”

“Good. And why do I punish you?” Eggsy licked his lips, readying the paddle for another blow. “What am I showing you?” 

“That you love me,” Dean said softly.

“Yeah,” Eggsy said, matching Dean’s tone and bringing down the paddle once more.. “What else? Tha’ you’re’....” 

“Seven, thank you, Daddy,” Dean made sure to count before trying to answer. “That- that you care about me.” Dean suspected that wasn’t what Eggsy wanted to hear, but he was pretty sure  _that_ was going to be harder to say than ‘Daddy’ had been.

"What else?" Eggsy asked, hitting Dean twice in a row and smoothing his hand over his arse. 

“Eight, nine, thank you, Daddy,” Dean paused, trying to get the words out, the knots tight in his belly again. “That- that you think- that you think I’m worth something.” He felt wetness well up behind his eyes, and kept them closed, staving off more humiliation. 

“And are you worth something?” Eggsy asked gently, stroking a hand up and down Dean’s spine. “Do you deserve me lovin’ you?” He hit again, this time slightly lower, catching Dean hard across the top of the thighs and the bottom curve of his cheeks. 

Dean gave a short yelp, which he attempted, and failed, to turn into a deeper growl. “Ten, thank you, Daddy,” automatically came, then quiet. Dean’s chest heaved and he could feel all of it, the stockings and the panties and the burn from the paddle, the damned bra, then lastly his cuffs and collar. He started to speak, and his breath caught in his throat. He couldn’t. “Please, Daddy, don’t-” his voice cracked. 

"Don't what, tiger?" Eggsy said, stroking his hair back again. "Tell me, luv." 

“Don’t make me say it,” Dean begged. 

"Say it," Eggsy ordered. "Say it or use your word, tiger. I got you." 

“It’ll be a lie, if I say it. ‘Cause you know I don’t believe it.” Dean hated how weak his voice sounded. 

"I want you to say it, even if you think it's a lie," Eggsy said. "Are you going to?" 

“You gonna punish me for lying?” 

"No, luv. Because I know it's not a lie. You are worth somethin',"  Eggsy said quietly, sensing Dean was close to a breaking point, "an' I think that one day you will believe it. But until then, I believe it. I know you're worth somethin', know you're fuckin' amazin' human being, who deserves to be loved." 

He didn’t believe it at all, but to hear Eggsy fucking say it like that; it was too much. He couldn’t keep the tears back any longer, and a tear rolled down to the tip of his nose before falling to the ground. “Fine,” he uttered, trying to keep the emotion from his voice. “I-” his breath stuttered, “I’m worth-” He nearly ended the word like he always did, and how he still felt,  _worthless_ , but stopped himself. “Worth having you,” he lied, knowing it’s what Eggsy wanted to hear.

"You're worth something," Eggsy corrected, setting a hand on Dean's collar. "Worth so much more than you think, deserve so much more than you think. C'mere," he said, pulling Dean gently up by the arm. "Look at me, Dean." 

The easiest way for Dean to upright himself was to slide back onto his knees, so he did that. He sat on his heels, then winced, and wiped his eyes quickly. He looked up at Eggsy from his place besides him, and fiddled with his cuffs.  

“Stop,” Eggsy murmured, setting the paddle aside and reaching out to take Dean’s hands in his own, twining their fingers. “Stop, tiger.” He released one hand, cupping Dean’s face instead. “You’re worth somethin’,” Eggsy said, finding his own voice breaking at the look of shame on Dean’s face, the tears of frustration. “You are. An’ I love you. Understand?”

Dean simply nodded, jaw set in an attempt to ward off further tears. “Love you, too,” he said, then quickly added, “Daddy,” as he looked down.   

“Are we done with the punishment?” Eggsy asked, brushing a stray tear away. “Or will you take the five more?” 

“Can take the spankings, can’t do the emotional shit. Not tonight,” Dean admitted truthfully, not sure if the punishment would include both again. He’d trust Eggsy to decide. 

Eggsy nodded. “Thank you for tellin’ me,” he said. and stood. “We’re done. C’mere.” He pulled Dean up and reached back, unclasping the bra and sliding it off. “Lay on the bed,” he said quietly, then pulled Dean in for a kiss. 

Dean accepted the kiss, too overwrought to be anything more than passive. He swayed on the spot, and rested his forehead on Eggsy’s, and said with relief, “Yes,  _Sir_ ,” before going and laying on his front.

Eggsy went to the fridge, getting a bottle of water for them both and getting some cream from his bag. “Arnica,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed with his burdens. “Help with the bruisin’. Had it from home.” He opened it, and pushed the panties down and off Dean’s legs before beginning to smooth the cream into Dean’s skin, seeing where there were already bruises forming, and where there would likely be some in the morning. He capped the tube again, and rubbed his hands on his jeans before stripping his clothes off and climbing onto the bed beside Dean, curling against him and laying an arm over Dean’s lower back. “I love you,” he murmured, brushing his lips over Dean’s collar. “Need somethin’? Anythin’?” 

Dean finished off the first bottle of water, and leaned up a little to roll the stockings off. He was feeling soft and the pain was duller now, and he gave a dreamy, exhausted smile. “More water?” he asked, then gave a shy grin. “And a nightie?”

He laid his head on the pillow, then frowned at it, tossing it to the floor. He grabbed a second pillow, laying his head down and then smiled at it. “Better.” 

“What was wrong with the first one?” Eggsy asked, sitting up with a small grin, stroking his hand through Dean’s hair. “An’ which nightie do you want, luv?” 

“Too soft,” Dean answered, “And the silky one; it’ll feel better on my ass. And water. More water. Like water. And this pillow. And you.” Sleep was threatening to overcome him, and both the physical and emotional toll of the evening was making him a bit loopy.  

Eggsy nodded and got the nightie and water, pulling Dean into a sitting position. Dean winced and Eggsy frowned. “Gonna hurt in the mornin’,” he said, helping pull the nightie over Dean’s head, then opened the water bottle, pushing it into Dean’s hands. “Drink, tiger.” 

Dean polished off the second bottle of water nearly as quickly as the first. “Know how many walls I’ve been thrown into? I can handle tomorrow. Least I know these are good.” Dean looked up, with a hesitant, eager look, “Think they’re gonna bruise?”

“Probably,” Eggsy said. “You don’t seem too upset, so I’m thinkin’ tha’s a good thing?” he said with a wry smile. “You want ‘em to bruise?” 

“Get a lot of scars, marks, bruises while hunting,” Dean shrugged, “The thought of getting ‘em from something good is, well,  _hell yeah_ , I want ‘em to bruise.” Dean gave half a chuckle, “It’s what I was thinking of when I got half hard when you were spanking me.”

“Maybe I’ll tattoo you,” Eggsy said, only half joking. “Get my name right here,” he said, tapping the curve of Dean’s hip, “so no one else gets to see. So you don’t forget who belongs to you.” 

“Who I belong to, you mean,” Dean catching Eggsy’s hand, pressing it back down to his hip. “No names. But you got something that means something to you?” Dean crooked a brow, but spoke candidly, “I’d be open to the idea. Anniversary or something. April Fools Day, yeah?”

“I dunno,” Eggsy shrugged, laying down on his back and tucking his hands under his head, looking at Dean with a smile. “Mean, unless you wanna get my umbrella tattooed on your ass.” He laughed. “I’d have to think about it. Don’t really have anything that means something to me. Daisy’s birthday or my mum’s. Day I met you maybe,” he said softly, winking.

Dean laughed, “Big ass vamp head on my ass for you to spank.” He chuckled, not able to stop once he’d put the vision in his head.

Eggsy snickered. “Please don’t. Not my kinda thing,” he said, brushing his lips over Dean’s shoulder. “Be staring at me while I fuck you. When you get old, the teeth would droop.”

Dean nearly doubled over with laughter, “Christ, can you fucking imagine? Sammy’d piss himself.” He leaned back, hissing at the pain, and leaned forward again.

But as the pain sparked through him, he was hit with a sudden need for comfort. He curled into Eggsy, feeling safe and relaxed. He spoke quietly, rapidly shifting the tone of the conversation, “Thank you. For tonight.” Dean pressed a kiss to Eggsy’s flesh, “Was it okay? For you, I mean.”  

“Yeah, luv. Real good,” Eggsy said, stroking fingers through his hair. “I didn’t push you too much did I? With the daddy thing?” he asked, frowning slightly. “I know it...was a lot. An’ then the emotional shit.”

“It was rough, not gonna lie. But I figure punishment ain’t supposed to be easy and it ain’t supposed to be fun, so I get it. The pain was, well, fucking pain, but I coulda taken more. But that other stuff,” Dean didn’t even want to mention the details, “That other stuff was harder. Hurt more than anything you coulda done with the paddle. Wasn’t expecting it, but I probably should have.”

Dean took a deep breath, then continued, “I know you worry about hurting me, or pushing the pain too far. That’s not gonna happen. But the other stuff, that’s what could break me. I know why you’re doing it, and I can deal with it, but just not too much at a time. That okay?” 

Eggsy nodded. “Yeah. An’ next time….I’ll warn you first, okay? I probably shoulda said something this time, before I started in on you. I jus’......” He sighed. “I jus’ don’t like seein’ you beatin’ yourself up, you know tha’ righ’?” 

“I know. Normally just keep all that shit buried, but with you; it’s like you see more of me. Or I let you see more, I dunno. People been giving me shit for years ‘bout it, but it’s like I said the other day, everyone tells you to ‘move on,’ ‘let it go,’ all that shit, but you’re the first person to come up with something that might actually work. So yeah, I’ll give it a shot. Just need to take it slow; ‘sides, if I thought you weren’t doing it help me, if I thought it was just some twisted way you got your jollies, I’d’ve called out the minute you said the word ‘daddy.’” Dean buried his face in Eggsy’s chest, “You know I was fucking joking about that, right?” He couldn’t help but recall his joke from a few days prior, as he was darting away from Eggsy and teasing him.

“Jokin’ about wha’...?” Eggsy murmured, then paused. “Oh my fuckin’ god. Shit, tiger. I know you were jokin’. You...fuck. Not some way to get my jollies.” He hesitated. “But...am I still allowed to buy you pretty things?” he asked, running his hand over the trim of Dean’s nightie. “I really like buyin’ pretty things for us.” 

“Yeah. Like it too. But you know you’re gonna have to take ‘em with you. I can’t have this in the Impala. There’s fuck all for privacy.” Dean sighed, a sad sound tinged with bitterness. “We’re gonna hafta figure out how this is gonna work over Skype,” Dean yawned, “But maybe in the morning, yeah?”

“In the morning,” Eggsy agreed, kissing him. “An’ I’ll take them with me. No problem.” He tugged the cover over them, and held Dean tight against him for a moment before reaching out to hit the light switch. “Night, tiger.” 


	12. We Talked of Looking

Eggsy jolted awake, a shout dying on his lips as he sat up, hands trembling. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he muttered, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. “Fuck.”  He fought for breath, inhaling deeply.

Dean nearly jumped from the bed in a single motion, his hand under the pillow searching for his weapon only to find it missing. He grabbed the lamp from the bedside, before assessing the scene. His heart went from racing and prepared to attack, to pained and slightly frightened at the panic on Eggsy’s face.

He was all too familiar with the nightmares, and the first thing he did was determine if Eggsy was truly awake yet or not; he’d seen Eggsy fight and didn’t want to be clocked by Eggsy’s panicked reaction.

“Eggsy, sweetheart, you there?” he asked quietly, non-threateningly, hoping for a response.

"'M fine," Eggsy gasped. "Jus' a dream." He rocked forward slightly, shaking his head as he drew in shuddering, hiccuping breaths.

Dean set the lamp down, and crawled back onto the bed. He winced as he sat, leaning up against the headboard, then carefully pulling Eggsy into his embrace. “Come ‘ere, sweetheart,” he coaxed, wrapping his arm around Eggsy and kissing his temple.

Eggsy realized he was trembling as he leaned into Dean's arms, and he swore again in a muffled voice, tucking his face into Dean's chest. "Sorry, tiger," he managed, breath coming a bit easier at the comfort though still harsh.

“It’s fine, all fine,” Dean comforted, hugging Eggsy tight to his chest, and running a hand softly down his back, pressing soft kisses to his head all the while. “Nothing to be sorry for, I got you. It’s just me and you here; nothing in that nightmare’s coming for you now.”

Dean knew better than to say it wasn’t real, because it might have been, or worse, it might be in the future. But he knew for sure that right now, he and Eggsy were perhaps safer and more at peace than either had been in years, so that’s the comfort he tried to exude.

"Doesn't matter nothing in there coming for me, 's already here, already waitin'," Eggsy breathed, sucking in lungfuls of Dean's sleep ruffled and silky scent. "Can't do anythin' about it."

Dean was forcibly reminded of the hellhounds, and stroked a hand through Eggsy’s hair. “What was it?” Dean asked softly. He wouldn't have normally asked, but Eggsy seemed to be the exception to everything, and with everything else they’d shared this week, maybe it was Eggsy who needed a turn to face his demons.

"It was Harry," Eggsy said quietly after a few moments. "But... he was alive. For a little. Then, then I... I was the one who did it. Pulled my gun up, an' shot him in the face. Felt the blood on my hands, splatter on my fuckin' face."

Dean held him closer, letting Eggsy’s forehead rest on his collar, not sure if he’d find the physical touch calming, the way that Dean did, but tried nonetheless. “Fucking sleep; can really do a number on you sometimes, can’t it?” Dean empathized. He knew better than to say ‘ _It’s alright_ ’ or ‘ _It’s just a dream_ ’ because that didn’t matter. Didn’t change what Eggsy had seen before, didn’t change how it affected his entire life, and he’d likely have the nightmare for years. All Dean could do was hope that he could bring Eggsy back to the here and now. He stayed quiet, just letting Eggsy breathe.

Eggsy fought to control his breathing, talking himself down from an almost panic attack, guilt still making him want to vomit everything in his stomach up, tear the skin from the backs of his hands with his nails. "Need a shower," he said after a while, still flexing his hands, trying to rid himself of the phantom weight of the gun, the drops of blood. "Would you... mean, don't have ta. But... you take one with me?" he asked, almost ashamed but knowing he wouldn't be able to go in by himself, leave Dean alone where he couldn't see him.

“Course, fuck yeah,” Dean answered in an instant. There was nearly nothing Dean wouldn’t do for Eggsy. He carefully pulled Eggsy across the bed, inch by inch, until both their feet rested on the bedside floor. “Come with me while I run the water?”

Dean held onto to Eggsy, somewhat surprised. It wasn’t that Eggsy hadn’t told him about Harry, or that he didn't know that Eggsy had some shit in his past too, but Eggsy always seemed so in _control_. Like he had access to the secrets of peace and comfort in the universe. And Dean had always felt as though he were taking, taking, and taking. But maybe, _this_? Maybe Dean could give back a bit of what Eggsy gave to him.

“Can you walk sweetheart, or you want me to carry you?”

"I can walk," Eggsy said, tucking his head into Dean's shoulder. "Jus' maybe gimme a minute," he offered hesitantly, clutching and releasing his hands where they rested in tight fists over Dean's shoulders.

Dean softly gripped Eggsy’s wrists, massaging the insides where the arteries and tendons lay. If Eggsy’s anxieties were anything like his, it might help. He tucked his head into Eggsy’s neck, letting Eggsy’s neck fall into his own, so that Eggsy hopefully, might feel comforted by the collar that lay there. Dean was shit with words, but he hoped his actions spoke of affection and care. Dean knew how it was hard for him to be reminded of his own weaknesses, he didn't want Eggsy to think he was coddling or pitying him. He wondered if it went without saying that Dean would give up everything, anything, his entire being, for Eggsy to be happy and safe.

Eggsy blew out a shaky breath, tipping his head down to nuzzle at Dean's collar, taking in the comforting reminder of stability it offered. "All righ'," he said quietly. "Bathroom." He let Dean pull them from the bedroom, holding his hand far too tight than his own comfort would allow but unable to let go. He propped himself up on the sink as Dean started the water, then tugged gently on the back of Dean's nightie. "C'mere. Lemme take this off," he said, slipping his hands under the hem and slowly pushing the cloth up over Dean's torso. "Fuckin' tragedy to take it off," he said. "Your color for sure, luv."

The slide of silk over his nipples, the teasing lace on the bruised redness of his ass gave him goosebumps. Dean blushed; in his concern over Eggsy, he’d forgotten he was wearing it. He replayed the reaction he’d had upon waking, jumping up, looking for a weapon, and buried his face in Eggsy’s chest once the nightie came off, and gave a small huff of laughter. “Shoulda seen me,” he explained, hoping to even bring a hint of a smile to Eggsy’s face, “Bolted up, looking for my gun, thinking someone was hurting you. Couldn’t find it and grabbed the lamp instead. All in a nightie. Woulda given someone a shock, that’s for sure.”

Eggsy smiled just a little, knowing it wouldn't reach his eyes. "Cover of horror film, tiger. Beautiful. On posters all across the nation." He dropped a kiss to Dean's head and sighed.

Dean grimaced internally at the thought of horror films, remembering the hapless writer who thought he could control ghosts all too well. But it wasn’t time for story telling, so he didn’t comment, and simply lifted his neck to Eggsy. “You want to, or should I?” Dean asked, not entirely sure if the small acts of caring for him would be a burden or a comfort to Eggsy right now.

“I can do it. Want to,” Eggsy said and gently undid the collar, bringing it down and settling it on the ledge above the sink. He smiled hesitantly at Dean and kissed along his neck. “C’mon. Shower,” he said, and stepped away, and into the water.

“Cuffs, too?” Dean held his hands out right outside the spray, where Eggsy could reach but didn’t have to leave the warmth of the shower.

“Oh yeah,” Eggsy said, popping his head out. “Sorry tiger. ‘M jus’... distracted righ’ now.” He undid the cuffs handing them to Dean and moving back under the spray. He reached for the soap with a deep breath, lathering up his hands and scrubbing with the cloth. He kept scrubbing even as Dean stepped in with him, sparing him a shame filled glance as he cleaned between his fingers and the tops of his hands.

Dean recognized immediately what he was trying to do; he’d scrubbed enough blood off his hands to know. He reached for Eggsy’s hands, slowly. “You can’t scrub off what ain’t there, sweetheart,” he said quietly, pulling the washcloth from his hands. “Let me. I’ll get it all off.” He poured more soap over the cloth, making it sudsy. He placed the cloth over the back of Eggsy’s neck, while staying in front of him; it seemed instinctive not to come up from behind. He kneaded the tense muscles of Eggsy’s neck and shoulders through the washcloth, massaging him properly as he tried to help rid Eggsy of the stains his nightmare was sure to have soaked his body in. Silently, he worked down Eggsy’s shoulders, then to his arms, taking each one, rubbing deeply to relax the muscles, hopefully also providing the sense of deep clean Eggsy had been searching for, without scouring his skin off.

Eggsy closed his eyes, swaying into the touch. "Know it ain't there," he mumbled. "Can jus' feel it. An' it wouldn't be so bad if it weren't... weren't Harry. I hurt people before, an' I dreamt about them before, but this is... is something else. I was the one who killed him. An' it was jus' so fuckin' real. Hate it."

Massaging the soapy cloth over Eggsy’s hands, the right first, then the left, Dean nodded. He understood, and knew there was nothing he could say to make it better. He started on Eggsy’s chest, the broad expanse of clean cut muscle firm under his touch, and worked down to his abdomen, then around to the small of his back. Dean wasn’t missing an inch. He added more soap as needed to keep the cloth sliding softly over Eggsy’s skin, and kept washing him, gently. He knelt, then turned Eggsy, washing his backside, keeping his touches tender, intimate, but not provocative.

Eggsy reached forward, bracing his hands against the wall, bowing his head as he bit his lower lip. "Dean?" he asked softly, tears threatening, still feeling shaken, the gunshot still echoing in his head.

“Yeah?” Dean responded hesitantly. He kept a hand on Eggsy to ground him, but paused his movements.

"I love you," Eggsy mumbled, shoulders tensing. "You're too fuckin' good to me. Really. Love you so much." He sighed, straightening up and wrapping his arms around himself. "Thank you, tiger."

Dean stood up, letting his hands roam up Eggsy’s sides, and leaned over his shoulder. “No such thing as too fucking good to you,” he murmured, kissing Eggsy’s neck. “You sure that’s all you want to say? Got all tense on me again, like you had more you wanted to say, but didn’t,” Dean checked, starting again to rub some of the tension from Eggsy’s shoulders.

"Yeah," Eggsy said. "Jus'... jus'..." He shrugged. "Jus' don't wanna lose you too. Lose the good stuff, lose good people. Not my fault maybe, but still happens. Don't wanna lose you, don't wanna leave you."

Dean wrapped both arms around Eggsy’s chest holding him tight, “Fuck, I get it, I do. Lost my whole damn family to fucking demons, can’t even begin to stand the thought of losing you. Don’t know what I’m gonna do with myself when you go home. Not sure anything’s gonna be the same.” He’d been deliberately avoiding even _thinking_ about the fact that Eggsy was going to leave, but he supposed it needed to be addressed. It was going to be hellish for both of them.

Eggsy tipped his head down, kissing Dean's hands where they were wrapped around his chest, then turned in his arms, burying his head in Dean's chest. "Swear I'm not cryin'," he said, voice thick with the tears he was shedding, hidden away in the safety of Dean's embrace. "I jus’ dunno what I'm gonna do without you."

It was enough to send tears to Dean’s eyes as well; he could barely handle his own feelings, someone else’s were too much. “Fine,” he tried to laugh, but choked on it in his throat, “but if you’re not crying, I’m not either.” He heaved out a single guffaw as the shower washed his own tears away, and tried to steady his breathing as to not disturb Eggsy.

“I dunno, either,” he finally forced out past the lump in his throat. “Thought people falling in love like this were just making shit up.” He rocked the two of them back and forth minutely, trying to comfort Eggsy and stop himself from falling apart at the same time.

“I thought so too,” Eggsy admitted. “I thought it wouldn’t happen to me. I didn’ think anythin’ like you would happen to me.”

“Love songs are starting to make a hell of a lot more sense,” Dean tried to joke, but all he could think of were the sad songs. Aerosmith came to mind, and he started to sing softly, “ _You see me cryin’, don’t let it getchu down._ ”

Eggsy couldn’t help but give a wet laugh, shaking his head. “I can’t remember tha’ one,” he said. “Uhm… _Honey, whatcha done to your head…”_ he sang back hesitantly, tightening his grip on Dean.

Impressed that Eggsy even knew the song, Dean kept going, skipping the line that made him hurt; falling straight into, “ _And I got to be your lover, honey, let me take you to town_.”

“ _I'll show you everything that I know, an’ I'll never gotta let you down,”_ Eggsy murmured, failing to keep the tune as he tucked his head into the crook of Dean’s neck again, brushing his lips against Dean’s pulse point.

Well, fuck, now Dean was crying all over again, but he kept swaying with Eggsy in water, humming the tune, since he couldn’t cry and sing at the same time. When he stopped the song, he asked, “Ready to get out, or you comfortable right here?”

Eggsy shook his head, holding Dean closer than before. “Little longer?” he asked. “Jus’ a little, I promise.”

“Whatever you need, sweetheart,” Dean sighed, content to stand here with Eggsy until the hotel fell down around them, if need be. “I’ve got you.”

“I know,” Eggsy murmured. “Love you, tiger.”

They finally moved from the shower as their skin began to wrinkle, Eggsy fastening Dean’s collar and cuffs back on before drying off and tugging him back to bed, Eggsy spooned along Dean’s front. “Do you want your nightie back on?” Eggsy asked, running his hand over Dean’s where it rested on his side. “Shoulda asked.”

Dean liked the nightie, but it was far away and he was warm with Eggsy at his side, “It’s fine. Don’t wanna move.” He tried to fill every gap between them, and asked, “You wanna try to sleep? Or I could turn on the TV, or we could talk, anything you want.”

“Um. You wanna tell me a story?” Eggsy asked softly, a small flush appearing high in his cheeks at the request. “Anything really. Works to calm Daisy down after her nightmares,” he admitted, pulling Dean’s hand up to his lips.  

“Yeah, sweetheart. Lemme think,” Dean let Eggsy kiss his fingertips as he peppered kisses along Eggsy’s neck and shoulders, thinking of a hunt that rounded out better than most.

“Okay, so we’d heard this weird ghost story outta Washington, actually, Concrete is only about two hours away, it’s one of the times we’d driven through Seattle. Anyway. So this lady claims there was a ghost in her shower, and when she realized he was there, he panicked and she panicked, and she fell down some stairs. Ghost helps her up, then says, ‘Please don’t tell my mom.’

“We’re thinking she’s a bit loopy, cause ghosts don’t do that shit. They try to carve your hearts out with their fingernails, they ain’t worried about Momma ghosts, y’know?”

Dean felt the soft huff of laughter against his fingertips, so he continued, “We’re about to write it off as not our kinda thing, but in the parking lot, see this guy arguing with a local LEO about fucking Bigfoot of all things. We all know, hunters anyway, that Bigfoot is a hoax, but then we found these big fucking ass footprints; but bigger than any fucking bear paw I’d ever seen.

The memories were coming to him, and Dean chuckled to himself before going on, “So we follow the track to a liquor store and it’s been busted up. Porn and booze stolen, but not good booze, like Baileys and Kahlua and some shit. So now who knows what the fuck is going on? We get back outside, and this little girl on a bike rides by, turns right at the building, and out falls this magazine. Fucking Busty Asian Beauties. Girl couldn’t been more than nine. She drops off the booze and porn with a ‘sorry’ note, then gets back on her bike. So then we start to follow her.

“So now I’m wondering if this is some Harry and the Hendersons level bullshit, but we knock on the door anyways. Little girl answers. Aubrey, Audrey, Auburn, Audra, Audi, wait shit, that’s a car. I dunno, Sammy probably remembers. Let’s call her Aubrey. So we ask Aubrey where her parents are and they’re just gone. Tahiti or Bali, on vacation somewhere, just not _there_. Like I said, the girl’s like nine years old. So we ask to come in, cause whatever the fuck is going on, we can’t just leave a nine year old alone for weeks on end. And this is where it starts to get good.”

Dean paused, “You still awake there?”

“Mhmm,” Eggsy murmured sleepily, nipping at his fingertips. “Aubrey. ‘M listening, tiger.”

“So she tells us her teddy bear is sick. We make up some shit about being teddy bear doctors, and Aubrey leads up through the house, opens her bedroom door, and I shit you not, a big, fuzzy black teddy bear taller than I am and least three or four times as fluffy, looks at me, three sheets to the fucking wind, and shouts, ‘Close the friggin’ door!’ I about fucking wet myself.”

Eggsy began to snicker, turning to bury his face in Dean’s chest as he shook with laughter. “What the fuck?” he gasped. “What? How?”

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out, right? And in the meanwhile, this poor fucking kid is telling us how she just wanted was a real teddy bear, and instead she got this - lemme see if I can remember this right, ‘ouch in the head sad’ teddy bear who says “weird stuff and smells like the bus’. I’m half dying, half worried that I’m gonna have to gank this teddy bear in front of a little girl, but Sammy and me, we don’t know how to kill a stuffed animal come to life. Not a common hunter problem, I’ll tell ya. I mean, the last thing we wanted was some teddy bear filled with silver slugs, running around on fire, you know? Tends to draw a bit more attention than we like.

“So we asked, what’d she do to get a real teddy bear, and she says she just wished for him. Seems suspect, but all right. I open the door one last time, and I’ll never fucking forget this. He’s looking at the news, some real terrible story, and says to me, ‘Look at this, you believe this crap?’

“‘Not really,” I say, cuz what the fuck else would I say?

“And the thing just fucking wails, ‘It’s a terrible world! Why am I here?!’ What the fuck are you supposed to say to that? Turns out kid had wished at the same well her parents had. Parents wished for a vacation, BAM- instantly there. Kid wants a real life teddy bear? Done.”

“You know what the most unbelievable part of that is?” Eggsy asked. “You. Bein’ a teddy bear doctor. Real doctor maybe. But a fuckin’ teddy bear doctor? No way,” he laughed.

“Yeah, I’ve had some pretty ridiculous disguises in my day, but I think that one takes the cake,” Dean smiled, hearing Eggsy laugh; maybe he had something worth giving Eggsy after all. “So the whole thing boils down to some asshole who put a cursed coin in a wishing well. Everybody afterwards gets what they want, but the wishes go bad.” He remembered the food poisoning from the sandwich he’d ordered up via well, “Very bad.”

“So we’ve got a depressed-as-fuck teddy bear, then a kid who gets super strong to fight his bullies, tosses a fucking car on it’s side, the ghost from the beginning? Just some dipshit teenager who wished to be invisible to spy on women in the shower. Some guy wins the lottery, some other basic stuff, but things are going to hell real quick.

“We basically had to convince this guy to give up the love of his life, granted, she hadn’t even known he existed, but you get guys like that, yeah? Anyway, he had to take the wish back, take the coin out of the well before it all went back to normal. I’d feel back for the dude, but whammying a chick isn’t the way to go, you know?”

“Yeah. So cursed coins and a wishing well?” Eggsy said with a yawn. “That why you said we couldn’t have a wishing well in our garden?” he asked, snuggling closer to Dean.

“That’s exactly why,” Dean agreed, wishing it were possible somehow to envelope Eggsy, to tuck him inside his very soul, to keep him safe, surrounded, warm and happy. But all those thoughts ended up reminding him of Luke Skywalker on Hoth, and then all appeal was lost.

He lay kisses down the top of Eggsy’s back, just below the shoulders, letting the hand over Eggsy stroke up and down his chest, trying to make Dean’s presence felt everywhere, without cutting himself open and shoving Eggsy inside.

“I think I’m okay with tha’, tiger,” Eggsy said, sighing contentedly at the press of lips on his skin. “Fairies are supposed ta live in wells too sometimes. Better not fuck with those either. An’ I really don’t want a giant ass teddy bear showin’ up in our house. Ground the kids forever if tha’ happened. Be fuckin’...fuckin’ creepy,” he yawned.

“The kids?” Dean asked, a grin wide on his face.

“Yeah,” Eggsy said, turning in his arms so he was facing him. “I think you’d make a good dad. Be real good with them. Besides, wouldn’t it be nice? You an’ me. JB, a kid. Maybe two?” he asked, nuzzling into Dean’s chest. “Tha’ too crazy to imagine?”

“Fuck, that’d be-,” Dean said, a bit of awe and wistfulness echoing through his words, “Yeah, it’s not crazy to imagine. Not at all. Could be awesome. Really awesome.” Christ, was he talking fucking _kids_ , _kids with Eggsy_? He was so far gone, so lost on Eggsy he didn’t even know where he was. But fuck, if he didn’t absolutely fucking love where he was at. He’d give Eggsy the world if he could. And with Eggsy, he thought, maybe he’d have a chance to not fuck it up too badly.

“You’d have to work some of your mojo,” Dean commented, thinking about the power Eggsy’s organization had. Could he be a real person again? A legal person? He’d have to be, if they were gonna-

“The things you do to me, sweetheart,” Dean muttered against Eggsy’s lips, kissing delicately, mind somewhat imploding with the thoughts of how and why and who and where, all questions he actually wouldn’t mind having the answers to.

"Do anythin' for you," Eggsy yawned. "Can't you jus... jus imagine it though?" he asked, drifting off. "We'd be so happy," he murmured. "You make me happy."

“Never thought I’d get to be happy,” Dean whispered against Eggsy’s neck, not sure if he was talking more to himself or Eggsy. It didn’t matter; what remained unsaid was that he wasn’t sure if he would ever be happy with Eggsy an entire ocean away.


	13. There’s Somewhere For Us

When the sun broke through the windows only an hour or two later, Dean shuffled out of bed, threw the curtains shut, and came back to curl himself around Eggsy.

Eggsy latched himself to Dean again, tucking his head in like a large unwieldy octopus. "Not gettin' up," he muttered.

“Nope,” Dean muttered, “Too fucking early. ‘Specially after last night.” Dean’s thoughts fluttered over the range of events over the past 24 hours, boggled at the intensity, and knew it could be trouble. “Can’t leave me alone, if you get up first,” he warned, “Gonna need you tomorrow.”

Eggsy nodded, kissing him gently on the chest. "Thank you for tellin' me," he said. "Gonna take care of you, all righ'? Make sure you're good."

“You, too,” Dean mumbled against Eggsy’s hair, drifting back into sleep.

It was after noon before Eggsy nudged him awake.

"C'mon, tiger," Eggsy said, running his hand along Dean's side. “I ordered food. It’s here. There’s bacon,” he said teasingly, hand following the curve of Dean’s arse and pinching gently.

Dean grumbled, then raised his head, saying with a sleepy grin, “That’s like, the second best way to wake a guy up.” He reached out to touch Eggsy, who was wearing a hotel robe. Dean pet the robe, and sat up, looking at the cart of food. “In bed, or at the table?” he asked.

“What do you want?” Eggsy asked. “In bed, we can snuggle. And I’ll steal your bacon,” he said, shrugging innocently. “At the table, we can’t snuggle. And I’ll still steal your bacon.”

Dean glared at Eggsy, with mock severity, “The fuck I ever do to you? You ordered the damn food, why didn’t you get your own?”

“I did get my own,” Eggsy grinned. “Yours tastes better.” He pouted, kneeling on the bed to press his lips to Dean’s. “C’mon, you know you like it when I eat your meat,” he said, huffing a quiet laugh into Dean’s skin as he nipped at his jaw.

Dean kissed him back, but muttered petulantly, “Like it better when I get all my damned bacon.”

He pulled Eggsy down, flipping him on his back, and straddled him. “Maybe I’ll pin you down, then eat it, keep it from that smart mouth of yours.” Dean leaned down to kiss him again, “Already taste so good,  no use stealing my food.” 

Eggsy smirked, rocking his hips up. “I think you’re gettin’ distracted from the real question here. Where we gonna eat?” he asked, sliding his hands up Dean’s arms, twining their fingers together.

Dean groaned, then sighed, “Suppose we’d better eat first, God knows you’ll make me forget it’s even there if we don’t.” Dean reached behind him, nearly falling off the bed in his attempts to stay atop Eggsy, and grasped for the cart’s handle. It took him a few tries, but he was able to wheel the cart over close enough to pull a piece of bacon off his plate, and shove it into his mouth.

“Prick,” Eggsy said, grinning up at him. “Could at least feed me since you won’t lemme up to reach,” he said, reaching out and flopping his hand against the bed. “See? No meat for me.”

“I didn’t say that,” Dean laughed suggestively, rolling his own hips against Eggsy. “No, I’ll let you up once I’ve eaten all the bacon.” Dean shoved another piece in his mouth, and moaned enthusiastically, in his best bad porno imitation.

Eggsy groaned. “You’re teasin’ me,” he said. “I ordered you bacon! C’mon, luv. Gimme a taste”

Dean finished chewing, swallowed, then leaned down, pressing a kiss to Eggsy’s lips. “There you go, a taste,” he smirked and winked. 

“You’re lucky I love you,” Eggsy grumbled.

“Damn straight,” Dean laughed. He reached onto the tray, picking up a piece of fruit. “Here we go. Pineapple. Something we both can enjoy?” he smiled, putting the fruit to Eggsy’s lips. 

Eggsy opened up, tongue darting out to lap at Dean’s fingertips. He moaned at the burst of flavour, intentionally teasing.

“There we go,” Dean encouraged, rolling his hips, feeling the bruises on his backside as he pressed down against Eggsy. “My turn,” he said, grabbing another piece of bacon, taking a bite, then groaning loudly, high pitched, excessive, and ridiculously long. He couldn’t stop himself from bursting out into laughter, and looked down to Eggsy.

“So, how’d I do?”

“Ten outta ten,” Eggsy laughed. “My turn,” he said, leaning his head up to snag the rest of the slice, giving a full body tremble as he let out a breathy, moan, eyes fluttering as he rocked up. “Well?”

“I know you’re faking it, but it’s still fucking hot,” Dean nodded, licking his lips. Then his face shifted into a dirty look, “You’re just lucky that piece came from your plate. Just like this one,” Dean smirked, snaking a piece from the cart.

"You eat all of mine, I'm jus' gonna eat all of yours," Eggsy said with a joking glare.

“I’m pretty sure you owe me a few pieces from the rest of the week,” Dean answered, “I could eat all of it from right here.” Dean wriggled against Eggsy’s cock, and affected a breathy, sultry voice, “I can take it all, baby, you wanna watch?”

Eggsy snickered, rocking his hips. "Yeah, show me, lover. Wanna watch you take it."

Dean raised his brows in challenge, a beam on his face, and reached to the cart, grabbing every last slice of bacon from both plates. He winked at Eggsy, grinning from ear to ear, “Sure thing.”

"You're gonna get your hands dirty," Eggsy smirked. "Not even gonna give me _one piece?_ "

“You want it?” Dean teased, raising himself up on his knees, “Come get it.”

Eggsy grinned and leaned up, licking his lips and sliding his hands up Dean’s thighs to his stomach. "Sure you don't wanna jus' gimme it?" he asked in a wheedling tone.

“See? This is what it’s like, sweetheart,” Dean lectured, hand behind his back, “Not nice when someone steals your bacon, now is it?”

"Do you want me to cry?" Eggsy pouted. "I only stole a few pieces," he protested.

Dean looked offended, “I never _cried_.” He sighed, tossing the bacon back onto the plate, and rolled off Eggsy, wiping his hands on a towel by the bed. “Rest is yours.”

Eggsy laughed and sat up, pulling Dean in for a kiss. "Love you." He reached out for his plate, leaning against Dean's shoulder for a minute.

When Eggsy leaned away from him, Dean dropped back down onto the bed, hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling. He’d been hungry, but wasn’t really feeling it anymore.

Eggsy looked over, mouth full of fruit. “Dean?” he mumbled, reaching a hand out. ‘What’s wrong?”

Dean shrugged, “Dunno, just not in the mood to eat, I guess.” And truthfully, he didn’t know. His mood had shifted, but he was having trouble pinpointing why. It wasn’t the same, devastating sensation that’d gotten him in trouble with the whiskey, so he just shrugged again.

“Okay,” Eggsy said quietly. “Can I do anything for you?” He ran a hand through Dean’s hair, setting his plate aside.

“You eat, I’m fine,” Dean dismissed, “Least you could do is finish the damn bacon. Don’t let it go to waste.” He turned his head to look out the window, “I’m fine, just, long day yesterday, yeah?” Honestly, he felt like a chastised puppy, but that was his own damn fault. Nothing Eggsy did.

“I will definitely eat the bacon. Weird as it is,” Eggsy agreed. “But are you sure you don’t want any?” He shifted, leaning back against the headboard. “Will you do somethin’ for me anyway?”

Dean just grunted an inquisitive noise, irritated with himself.

“C’mere,” Eggsy said, beckoning him up. “Sit by me.”

Dean pushed himself up, and shuffled so his back was against the headboard. He left a gap between he and Eggsy, worried that even touching Eggsy might spread the cloud that’d settled over him, and instead, played with his cuffs.

Eggsy picked up his fork again, and wrapped an arm around Dean, encouraging him closer. He began to eat, holding a bit of melon to Dean’s lips. “Want some, luv?”

Dean shook his head, thinking aloud, “Maybe I need a shower. Or a walk. Don’t wanna fuck up the day ‘cause I’m pissy for no damned good reason.”

“‘S okay,” Eggsy said, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of his head. “Whatever you need to do, I understand, all righ’? Jus’ lemme know if you’re gonna take off.” He ate the melon instead, thumb brushing soothingly over a scar on Dean’s side.

“Shapeshifter,” Dean explained. There was an itch under his skin and he needed a beer, or to punch something. Shoot something. “K, I”m gonna shower and turn up the tunes. See if that helps.” Dean wriggled out from underneath Eggsy’s arm and stood up. His hand went to his neck, and realized that even in a foul mood as he was, there were still some things he needed Eggsy for. He came around to Eggsy’s side of the bed, kneeling so Eggsy could reach the collar.

A comfort washed over him as he fell to his knees, and he looked up to Eggsy, surprised.

“Wha’s that look for?” Eggsy asked, turning and dangling his legs over the edge of the bed, settling one on either side of Dean’s shoulders and leaning over to brush their lips together.

“This. Feels better,” Dean breathed against Eggsy’s lips. “Don’t need sex or punishment, just- just this is good.”

“You wanna just kneel for a while?” Eggsy asked, cupping his face. “That’s all righ’. Lay your head down, yeah?” he asked, guiding Dean to rest his head on his thigh. “You’re so good for me, aren’t you, luv?”

Dean grabbed onto his forearms behind his back and leaned into Eggsy. The praise was a balm to his itch, and his mood dissipated, leaving him blank and content.

Eggsy continued petting Dean’s hair, eating with one hand until he was full, murmuring praises occasionally. He finished and pushed the plate away. “How you feel about a bath instead of a shower, luv?” he asked gently. “I’ll join.”

It took a moment to realize that Eggsy had asked him a question rather than just spoke at him, and Dean decided a bath sounded good. He wasn’t sure he’d ever been so clean in his life, all these showers and baths without the fighting, dirt and blood in between, but he was starting to regret enjoying it so much. It was going to be a cruel shock on his system to go back to shitty motel showers with rusty water and bladder-shy water heaters.

He nodded, pulling back, and baring his neck.

Eggsy took his collar off with all the care he normally exhibited toward the object, and stood, brushing a thumb over Dean’s cheek. “C’mon, tiger,” he said softly, not wanting to break the easy quiet they were enveloped in. “On your feet, yeah?”

Dean obeyed, but it took a minute to get up off his knees and he used Eggsy for support. He offered his wrists out, and the cuffs made their way next to the collar. Dean followed Eggsy into the bathroom, leaning against the counter while Eggsy filled the tub.

“I’ll be right back,” he said softly and waited for Eggsy to nod before leaving the room. He found the controls for the radio in the drawer, leaving Eggsy’s glasses alone this time, and turning to a classic rock station. He smiled at the sounds of Led Zeppelin wafting out of the bathroom, and meandered back in.

“This okay?” he asked.

“Sounds good,” Eggsy said, running the tub and checking the water temp. He stood straight with a satisfied smile, dumping in one of the lightly scented oil bottles before pulling Dean gently to him and pressing a chaste, closed mouth kiss to his lips. “So good for me,” he said. “I know I keep sayin’ it, but it’s true, luv.”

“I’d be good for you, forever if you let me,” Dean wrapped his arms around Eggsy’s waist, kissing his neck, then pulling back to let Eggsy climb in the bath.

Eggsy settled in, reaching out for Dean and spreading his legs for the other man to sit between them.

Instead of settling chest to back, Dean climbed in facing Eggsy, tugging Eggsy forward a bit, and wrapping his legs around Eggsy’s waist, pulling them close, chest to chest. “What are we going to do?” he blurted out, then clamped his mouth shut. “Never mind, don’t answer that.”

“Gonna do when?” Eggsy asked, frowning. “Oh. You mean when I leave…” He sighed and slid his hands to Dean’s hips, holding him closer as he lay his head on his shoulder. “You want an answer? I got one.”

“You don’t have to-” Dean gulped, there was nothing good he could think of that’d come from this conversation, and he hid in Eggsy’s chest, knowing Eggsy would continue anyways.

"Well for starters, I'm gonna get on that plane an' you're gonna get in your car, an' we're probably both gonna cry," Eggsy said, stroking a hand down Dean's back. "An' we're gonna call each other as much as we can. An' every night, I'm gonna text you, an' tell you I love you, an' every morning' I'm gonna do the same thing, an' we'll both have a day marked on the calendar sayin' when we'll be together again, an' it's gonna be hard an' it's gonna hurt an' we'll be angry at the world, but it's gonna be okay, cause I'm always, always gonna come back to you. You know tha'?" Eggsy said, words rushing out in almost a single breath. "An' I'm gonna miss you, an' it's gonna feel like I have a fuckin' hole in my chest where my heart shoulda been."

“Sounds about right,” Dean choked on the words. “And then?”

"An' then we're gonna go back to savin' the world an' count the days till we're together again. Some nights you're gonna get a separate hotel room from Sam and we're gonna Skype each other and maybe fall asleep looking at the other person, maybe come so fuckin' hard the computer groans," Eggsy said. "Some nights all we'll get is a text message. Some nights I'll call you an' I'll bitch and moan about something Roxy did or paperwork Merlin wants me to do. An' you'll tell me about the signs along the road that Sam wouldn't stop readin' or the latest scar you got or the latest person you saved."

"An' sometimes we're gonna have bad days an' we won't wanna do anything but listen to the other’s voice," Eggsy said, his own voice breaking as he continued. "But then, then it's gonna be okay, ‘cause we'll be together again. And then, you'll hafta leave me again, or I'll leave you, an' that's gonna keep happenin' because that's the kinda life we got. But one day, it'll be the last day we ever gotta leave each other, cause the next time, it'll be the time we get to stay. Move in somewhere with each other, get a fuckin' flat, get a house. Have a dog, have a little gooseberry bush. Have a grill, an' you can make the best hamburgers I'll ever eat and I'll steal your bacon in the morning an' the neighbours'll think we're so disgustingly in love that they get jealous." He buried his face in Dean's hair, breathing in the scent of him. "Cause we're in love. Really, really."

“No kids, then” Dean nodded, tears in his eyes. “Makes sense. Just hoping we live long enough to get there.” God, it was a shit plan, but it was the best one they had. Eggsy couldn’t give it up; he was too important, he had a mum, a sister, Eggsy couldn’t stay, and Dean sure as hell couldn’t drag Eggsy down.

“How’re you gonna keep me sane?” Dean asked, needing to know about the eccentries of their relationship, and how that might work. He couldn’t imagine it; but Eggsy’d have the answer. Fuck, if there was anyway he could go with Eggsy, he would; but he was a dead man, and wanted beyond that. Obviously American, couldn’t blend in, and there is no way he’d ask. Wouldn’t want the burden on Eggsy of having to say _no_.

"No kids to start," Eggsy said, and ran a hand through his hair. "Try the four legged kind first. An' as for keepin' you sane, you gotta help out with that. You gotta tell me if you need me. You gotta tell me if you're feelin' low. An' I'll take care of you best I can. You're gonna keep the cuffs, keep them on. Remember what they mean."

Dean shook his head, “You forget, I’m an old man. By the time you retire, I’ll be too fucking old for kids. Nice to think about though.” Dean sighed, “Yeah, I’m keeping the cuffs, definitely. And I’ll try; try to make sure I let you know.”

He wiped the wetness from his eyes and looked accusingly at Eggsy. He choked out a laugh as he said, “This is all your fault, Captain Innuendo.”

"What happened to Bond ?" Eggsy asked in mock outrage. "An' how's this my fault?"

“All your flirting and teasing me when we first met, how could I not wanna spend the night with you?” Dean reminisced. “You were a relentless fucking flirt; I barely stood a chance.”

Eggsy chuckled. "Remember when you were showering?" he asked, trailing a single finger down Dean's spine. "Never seen an ass so good except in the mirror."

Dean laughed outright, “That! That’s exactly what I’m talking about you cocky son of bitch!” His voice lightened to match his soft smile, “How could I not fall in love with you?”

"I dunno," Eggsy said. "Only one who bothered to, so maybe we're both jus' crazy," he said fondly.

With a quick kiss, Dean turned awkwardly in the bath, and slumped against Eggsy. “Yeah, you’re probably right, there. Then again, takes a couple of crazy fucks like us to have to lives we do, so…” he trailed off with a shrug.

“So I think it’s a pretty good thing tha’ we got each other, huh?” Eggsy asked, wrapping his arms tightly around Dean.

“How often?” Dean asked suddenly, “How often are we gonna see each other?” Did Eggsy think of him in terms of months, or years? He didn’t know how long Eggsy’s missions were; how often he could get away.

"As much as I can get away, every few months," Eggsy said. "When I go out, it's normal somethin' quick. Few days tops. I just gotta lot of missions. I can request leave time, just never had a reason to before," he said. "So I'll come to you. An' this Christmas… will you come? Come over to me?"

Every few months. Dean could handle that, he thought. Well, not like he had much choice. Christmas, though? That was about six weeks away; not too bad. “Think you can smuggle me over international waters that soon?”

"I'll make it happen if I gotta swim over an' carry you over," Eggsy said. "Sam too. Gotta have the family together, righ'?"

“He’s dead, too, if that matters,” Dean said. “And seeing as how you can’t swim, I wouldn’t recommend that.”

"I'd learn," Eggsy said. "For you." He suddenly laughed. "You know, Dean said if I ever took up with a man under his roof, I'd be a dead man. Didn't think he meant I'd be dating the dead guy. Tell you what though. You're a damn pretty zombie."

“Damn straight,” Dean said, then asked, “He still around?”

"He uh.... he's around," Eggsy said, sighing. "It was a close thing though. I nearly ended up getting myself tossed back inside for good. I had a moment. I was standing. Over him, had my umbrella, had the thought that I could do it. Could jus' kill him."

Dean hummed thoughtfully, “Fuck, I wish I didn’t know exactly what you meant. He’s not gonna come after you though, is he? Hell, get him bitten by a werewolf and I’ll take care of him for you.”

"No. He won't. An' if he tried to hurt mum or Daisy, I would kill him," Eggsy said, conviction apparent. "I think he finally got the idea though."

“Okay. I just- I just don’t want to cause you any trouble is all, you know?”

Eggsy shook his head. "Doesn't matter. Only Dean tha' matters to me is you. An' the coffee guy at work," he said teasingly. "But you got way more ta offer, tiger."

“I dunno, a good cup of coffee?” Dean teased, “It’s stiff competition.”

"True. But I'd give up coffee for you," Eggsy said smiling. "Something else that can be stiff that I prefer."

Dean groaned. “That was awful,” he criticized the pun. He switched to what he hoped would be a more neutral topic, “So, what’s on the agenda for today?”

Eggsy smiled and kissed his nose. "Well, it's kinda late. So we can't really go anywhere. Is there something you wanna do, like a movie then grab some dinner?"

“You wanna head back to the science center we saw Pink Floyd at?” Dean suggested. It’d looked pretty interesting, at least, what of it he could tell given the rest of the place was closed. “And I dunno how you feel about hockey, but it’s pretty much the only sport playing right now. We could see if there’s a home game tonight. Seven dollar beers and giant soft pretzels?”

"Hockey huh?" Eggsy asked, shrugging. "All righ'. Never caught a game, think you can explain it all too me?"

“Puck goes in the net. Sometimes they fight?” Dean chuckled. “Ready to hop out, then? I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling better. Ass is still pretty bruised, but I’m kinda liking it, so…”

Eggsy ran a hand over his hip. "Haven't really looked at it yet," he said. "C'mon then, let's get out. You can lemme rub some more arnica in, even if you are appreciating it."

“That sounds good,” Dean said, heaving himself up to standing, and put his hands on his hips. “How’s it looking?”

"Fuckin' gorgeous," Eggsy said, sitting up and kissing one of the darker bruises, then standing and reaching out for a towel. He wrapped it around Dean's waist, then leaned in to kiss him again.

Dean melted into the kiss, arms pulling Eggsy close. He sighed contentedly as he stepped back, and dried himself off, running the towel through his hair quickly and tossing it back over the towel bar. “I’ll wait on the bed?”

"Yeah, tiger," Eggsy said, taking up a towel of his own. "I'll get your cuffs."

Dean padded out to the bed, and quickly made it up so the sheets were at least smooth. He lay face down, his arms underneath his head, looking at his collar on the table nearby. He didn’t know how he’d ended up here, but it was the happiest he could ever remember being.

Eggsy smiled as he came out, finding the cream on the table and bringing it over. He kneeled atop the bed, knees bracketing Dean’s as he rubbed the cream between his hands to warm it. “So,” Eggsy asked. “Can I ask you somethin’ silly?”

“Have at it.”

“How tall are you?” Eggsy asked, laying his hands gently on Dean’s arse and beginning to rub the cream in.

“Six-one, why?” Dean gave a small groan as Eggsy massaged him.

“Just cause I wanted to know,” Eggsy said with a shrug. He bent down and pressed a kiss between Dean’s shoulder blades. “You ever play any sports? Or you move around too much?”

Dean huffed, “Yeah, no. Remember me telling you my dad tried to bitch Bobby out for playing catch with me when I was like ten, instead of me practicing the shotgun? I know he was trying to teach me to protect myself, but fuck. All work and no play and all that.”

Dean turned his head towards Eggsy, “You do anything besides gymnastics?”

“Gymnastics ‘cause I had a scholarship, and then the military straight after school,” Eggsy said, shaking his head. “I mean, I was a crack shot if that counts as something. Got a medal for it.”

“Think I’m a decent shot, but not like I’ve ever compared to anyone outside a few hunters. Maybe we should hit up a shooting range next time. See how I stack up.” He looked behind his shoulder again, “You stopping?”

“I’m done with your arse,” Eggsy replied. “I’d offer to do the rest of you, but I feel like that might lead to distractions.”

“What’s wrong with distractions?”

“Absolutely nothin’,” Eggsy said, trailing his hand up Dean’s back. “Mean, unless you don’t wanna make it outta bed today. We’re clean too.”

“We could still make it to hockey,” Dean shrugged, “Your call, sweetheart.”

Eggsy groaned. “You’re tempting me,” he said, glancing at the clock. “One hour. Quickie handjobs?” he asked, laying down over Dean’s back and murmuring in his ear. “See who lasts the longest? Or the shortest?” He ground down into Dean’s arse, cock filling out as he grinned.

“Or... “ Dean hesitated, almost a bit shy.

“Or?” Eggsy asked, settling his arms on either side of Dean and laying his head down on his back.

“Maybe-” he started, then stopped, “I wanna make sure we get to use everything before, well, later, you know? So maybe we- Maybe you fuck me nice and then we use one of the other things? If you want?”

“We can do tha’,” Eggsy said, smiling against his skin. “You wanna use somethin’ in particular?”

“One of plugs?” Dean blushed. “And maybe I don’t get to come til we get home?”

 


	14. Do You Ever Look At Me

Eggsy grinned. “Yes.” He hopped off the bed, going to fetch the toys and a few bottles of water, knowing how thirsty Dean got after. He set them down, then picked up Dean’s collar. “Ready to start now?” Eggsy asked. Dean nodded. “Kneel then.” Dean shifted up onto his knees, and Eggsy buckled the collar on, slipping the cuffs around his wrists. “On your stomach, luv,” Eggsy said softly, threading his fingers through Dean’s hair and giving it a light tug as he leaned in for a kiss.

Dean felt the tingles from the tug travel down his neck and tickle down his spine. “Yes, Sir,” he replied compliantly, settling his head and chest down on the comforter, while staying on his knees, his ass perched in the air. He wasn’t sure if ‘on your stomach’ meant for him to no longer be on his knees, but he’d rather err on the side of caution.

“All the way down,” Eggsy said. “But I want you to spread yourself apart.”

He slid to his belly, and spread his legs out, then reached behind himself, to grab his ass. Before he went further he checked, “Like this, Sir?”

“Good, luv.” Eggsy grinned. He reached over into his pile of goodies, and pulled out the vibrating plug. “If you can’t talk and want me to stop, you do what?” he asked Dean.

Dean’s hand left his cheek to make a peace sign, then placed his hand back down, and spread himself as open as he could for Eggsy. He felt the cuffs against the sides of his hips, and they rubbed softly, a gentle reminder. 

“Good,” Eggsy repeated. “Now, open,” he said, pushing the plug up against Dean’s lips. “Better get it nice an’ wet. Might decide to ignore the lube, make you take it with just spit,” he said. “Show me how much you want it.”

Dean opened wide, lathering the plug with as much saliva as he could, moaning softly as he lathed his tongue over it, and sucked once or twice. He could feel spit slipping down from the corners of his mouth as he tried to soak the toy to the best of his ability.

"Greedy, aren't you?" Eggsy remarked. "Bet you wish tha' was my cock." He reached for the lube despite his words from before, slicking one finger and bringing it down to tease at Dean's rim.

The resultant moan was muffled by the plug, but his mouth still worked at it, indeed wishing it were Eggsy’s cock. His hips twitched as Eggsy circled the hole, and it was so fucking sensational to be at Eggsy’s mercy like this.

Eggsy pressed in slowly, bringing a second finger up next to the first. "Starting with two," he said. "Love watching this. The way you swallow me up. Fuckin' filthy. Should videotape it, video my cock sinking into this ass of yours."

Dean groaned again, and this time had to lift his hips to adjust for the way his cock was filling out. The plug was large enough that he couldn’t close his mouth around it, and he was beginning to make a mess of his chin, of the sheets below, but at least the plug was nice and sopping wet.

Eggsy dragged his fingers out slowly, pushing them back in as he stroked his hand down Dean's back. "You're hard already, aren't you? Leaking all over the bed. You know you don't get to come though. I'm gonna fuck you, but you gotta wait. Gorgeous. Lemme hear you beg for my cock, tiger."

Talking around the plug was impossible, so he carefully dropped it onto the bed, “Fuck, Eggsy, please,” he whined, “Wanna feel you inside me, fill me up, make me feel it all night, please Eggsy.”

"You done with that plug?" Eggsy asked, smirking as he picked it up. "Is it wet enough for you?"

“I think so, Sir,” Dean panted, not sure how he could make it wetter, but the tone in Eggsy’s made him wonder if he should have done something more.

"All righ'," Eggsy said, and brought it back, removing his fingers and placing the plug at Dean's entrance. "Push back," he ordered. "Want you to do it."

Lifting himself by his hands, Dean felt the resistance as he opened against the stiff silicone. It was so much more foreign than Eggsy’s cock, or even his fingers. It took longer, once he’d reached the point at which Eggsy had stretched him out, to let himself open wider around the plug. He couldn’t tell at all how much more to expect, and he hoped Eggsy didn’t mind how slow he was going.

Eggsy smiled. "Tell me how it feels, tiger," he said, wetting his lips, and reaching around to take Dean's cock in his free hand, stroking tauntingly slow.

“It- it’s hard- harder than your cock. Feels good- opening up like this though,” Dean confessed, voice strained. He pushed back more, and gasped out, his hands fisted into the sheets in front of him, “Like feeling it get wider and wider.”

"You like it better than my cock?" Eggsy asked pulling the plug back a small bit, then pushing it in again.

“Nothing’s better than your cock, Sir,” Dean huffed, wanting to draw up his knees, but not being willing to move without permission.

"No? Not even this?" Eggsy asked with a smirk. Can you remember what this one does?"

“Gets me ready for the next one?” Dean panted, pushing back again, hoping that his ass still had plenty of width to swallow before the plug was fully seated.

"Well yeah," Eggsy replied. "But..." He pressed the base, starting the plug vibrating low. "Tha' too."

Dean nearly jumped, and let out a low, keening whine. His cock was hard and strained against the bed, and he started to roll his hips; the pleasure gloriously overwhelming.

"Ah!" Eggsy squeezed his hip in warning. "You're not to come. Don't you dare, tiger." He turned the plug off again. "Finish gettin' it in. Then up on your knees."

Stopping the vibrations made that command far easier. Dean sighed with relief. He forced himself back on the rest of the plug, whimpering as it grew larger, then gasping when he felt it settle inside him and his asshole twitch close. “Holy _fuck_ ,” he moaned, shaking as he pulled his knees up. 

“Good?” Eggsy asked. “C’mon, up all the way. Arse to your heels. Time for the next toy, luv. I think you’ll like them,” he said with a grin, reaching out for the tassled nipple clamps.

Dean sat all the way up, gingerly resting his bruised ass on his feet. He didn’t think the plug was wider than Eggsy, but it was so unyielding that it felt more intrusive than Eggsy ever had. It was filthy, yet fantastic, and Dean crossed his arms behind his back once more, waiting for Eggsy’s next move.

Eggsy shifted, coming around so Dean could see him. “What do you think?” he asked, holding the clamps up. “Gonna look real pretty for me.”

A shiver washed over Dean, bringing goose bumps over his arms. He licked his lips and nodded. His cock was rock hard and dripping already, and _fuck_ , he was going to need to learn how to hold himself back better. He wasn’t even sure if he’d make it if Eggsy decided to lay a hand on his cock at all.  

Eggsy reached out, rolling Dean’s left nipple between his forefinger and thumb. He smirked at Dean, then leaned forward and lapped a line over it, returning to fix his teeth on the perked bud. He brought his other hand up, pinching Dean’s right nipple as he pulled back. “Just gettin’ em warmed up,” he teased.

Dean nearly choked on his own breath, clenching around the plug and nearly trembling as Eggsy taunted him.

Eggsy took one of the clamps from the bed, sliding his hand down Dean’s side and squeezing. “Can’t wait, can you?” he murmured, clamping it on, then tugging gently on the dangles.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Dean gasped, his immediate reaction to pull away from the pain only causing more as Eggsy held onto to the clamp. The pain radiated like fireworks through his nerves, and just as phenomenally. He stuck his chest out, his eyes half lidded, panting as he stuttered, “Fuck, yes, please, Sir, the other one, too.”

Eggsy smiled, pressing kisses along Dean’s jaw. “Ask again,” he teased, picking up the second clamp and trailing the dangles over Dean’s other nipple. “Beg, tiger.”

“Christ, please, Sir, fucking please. It’s goddamned spectacular, fucking hell, please Sir, please, anything to be good for you, so fucking good,” Dean babbled, drunk on arousal.

“Okay, gorgeous. So fuckin’ good for me,” Eggsy said, clipping the second on. “There you go,” he said, tugging on both. “How they feel?”

“Fireworks,” Dean whimpered, “Everywhere.” He sat harder on his heels, letting them dig into his bruises, and enjoying how the dull waves of pain contrasted the sparks. He mindlessly rolled his hips, though there was nothing to thrust against.

Eggsy ran a hand through his hair, reaching behind to press the base of the plug again, starting the vibrations up as he leaned in for a kiss.

Dean cried out, his whole body brimming with sensation, ass clenching around the toy, cock dripping and desperate to come, the sharp pain of the clamps, and his eyes were closed, toes curled, holding himself back, gripping his own forearms tight, determined to withstand the onslaught, to not come, to be so very, very good for Eggsy. He tried to call up images to stifle his urges, but found nothing but static in his head, so clung to that instead.

“Shhh,” Eggsy soothed, gripping the base of Dean’s cock tight. “You’re not gonna come, remember? Can you hold out?” 

The urge subsided some, and Dean was distantly aware that perhaps he should have thought of that. Regardless, he smiled, “Trying. S’good. Wanna be good.”

“You are bein’ good,” Eggsy said, smiling back at him. “I’m gonna turn off the plug an’ take it out. An’ I want you to ride me,” he said, reaching back.

“Yes, Sir,” Dean answered, leaning into Eggsy to make it easier for him to reach. He felt the tug against his hole, and how suddenly wide he was stretched, and groaned deeply against Eggsy’s neck as he pulled the toy from Dean’s body.

“Good, tiger.” Eggsy set the plug aside and laid back. “C’mon,” he said, beckoning Dean over, stroking his cock slowly. 

Dean shuffled over on his knees, straddling Eggsy’s thighs, knowing in the back of his mind that he should wait for further instruction. The tassels dangled and tugged at his nipples, and sparks echoed down his spine, but the distraction of moving, and the nearly aching emptiness of having the plug removed kept his orgasm at bay. He swayed slowly as he waited for Eggsy, liking the fireworks.

“Like ‘em, don’t you?” Eggsy asked, running his hands up and down Dean’s thighs. “Maybe one day, we can go out. You can wear ‘em under your shirt and we’ll go out to lunch,” he said with a grin. “Put a plug in too. Maybe I’ll fuck you in the bathroom, yeah?”

“Yes, Sir, anywhere, Sir, I’ll do anything; be so good for you,” Dean agreed. At this point, he’d agree to nearly anything; if Eggsy wanted to parade him naked up and down the hallway, he’d probably let him. “So dirty for you,” Dean moaned.

“You’d have to be quiet for me,” Eggsy said, teasing his fingers in the curls around Dean’s cock, barely brushing the base. “Do you think you even could?” He reached back, taking his cock in hand, running the head up and down Dean’s crack.

“Gag,” Dean suggested, remembering how good that had felt. ‘Rope, over a branch, at the park, tie my cuffs, clamps, fucking me from behind, anyone sees, it’s just me. Gotta get lost first; you could fuck me anywhere,” Dean confessed, squirming as Eggsy crossed over his hole time and time again without fucking shoving Dean down on the whole fucking length of it at once, like the good… “Who’m I, Sir. You’re my Sir, I’m your- what?” It suddenly seemed important to know.

“Who are you?” Eggsy asked, stroking Dean’s thigh again. “You’re my tiger. My luv. My good boy. You’re the person I love,” he said, smiling up at Dean. “Tha’ what you wanted to know?”

“‘My your good boy all the time, or just when you’re Daddy? ‘My your tiger when you’re Sir?”

Eggsy nodded. “Yeah, tiger. But you’re my luv all the time. No matter what,” he said slowly, sensing Dean slipping. “My good boy when I’m Daddy. My tiger when I’m Sir. But I always love you, so you’re always luv.”

“Wanna be your good tiger, want to make you happy. Show I love you, trust you, do anything you ask,” Dean’s haze was making him increasingly sentimental, but he realized that in this state, he was completely at Eggsy’s mercy, complete void of his own will, and there was no one he’d ever trust that with more than his Sir. “How, how can I make you happy, Sir? Right now?”

“How about a kiss, tiger?” Eggsy asked, smiling at him. “C’mon,” he said, reaching his hand up Dean’s shoulder. “Show me you love me, yeah? Then you can sit on my cock, an’ ride me.”

Dean shuffled up past his cock, teetering perilously until he remembered he actually did have use of his arms. He bent down, giving Eggsy a soft, dreamy, intimate kiss, one of unabashed affection, and pushed himself back upright, lined up on Eggsy’s cock, and bottomed out in a single motion, with a luscious cry.

“Fuck, tiger!” Eggsy gasped, hands grasping Dean’s hips automatically. “Christ, you’re fuckin’ hot around me,” he muttered. “That’s it, Dean. Go ahead, an’ move, luv. You can when you’re ready,” he said, dropping his head back against the pillow, watching Dean.

That was all Dean needed to pull up, and drop down again on Eggsy’s cock, filling himself over and over. The clamps bounced everywhere, like a damned grand finale, but at least, by riding Eggsy, he controlled the angle, and could ride him hard, fast, relentless, but stay far from his prostate. His thighs burned and his ass smacked hard against Eggsy, and he took a moment to steal a glance at Eggsy’s face, watching with with rapt adoration.

Eggsy groaned, tightening his grip on Dean’s hips, watching his face. “So fuckin’ good, tight, hot, so gorgeous, fuckin’ listen so well,” Eggsy mumbled, panting. “God, gonna come so soon, don’t know what watchin’ you does to me, tiger. So good for me. You want me to come? Fill you up?”

“Sir, yes please, come so fucking deep, so much, plug me up. Want to know that you’ve fucking claimed me, own me, want me. Want every bit of you, as much as I can get.” Dean was rambling again, but the static was a nice dull roar, helping him to open himself to all the sensation, like he was nothing but a conduit, a pleasure toy for Eggsy. A filthy fucking toy, and he wanted to act every inch of it. He slammed down, “Cock’s fucking delicious, Sir, but I still wanna see how far you can take me, how wide you can spread me; want to be filled, everywhere, plug me with something bigger, and choke me on your cock at the game, til I can barely breathe, please Sir, anything you’re willing to give me, I’d happy to take.” The clamps were driving him wild, and he began to focus back on the static before he ended up disobeying.

“Yeah, tiger. Gonna fill you up, fuck you good an’ hard. Plug you up, tie you up. Make you kneel for me, suck me off. Everything for you,” Eggsy panted, gripping Dean hard and thrusting up. “Almost, almost there.” Dean slammed down once more, and Eggsy came with a harsh cry, filling him deep.

Fuck, he could feel Eggsy throb inside him, time and time again, and Dean rolled his hips to milk as much out of Eggsy as he could. If he was wearing a plug all night, he wanted every drop of come he could get. “Thank you, Sir, thank you,” Dean gasped, unfocused. His cock was throbbingly painful, begging for release, and there was something magnificent knowing that Eggsy owned his cock, deciding when and where he came.

Eggsy groaned, hands falling to his sides. “Well done, tiger,” he said breathlessly. “Good, tiger. Really, good.” He grasped for the plug, holding it up for Dean to see. “Off and on your stomach, lemme put this back in.”

Dean lifted himself off Eggsy’s cock, listing to the side, and falling next to Eggsy on the bed. He immediately pulled his legs up underneath him, not wanting any part of Eggsy to drip out. His head was buried into the sheets; his arms still locked behind him, and hazily offering his gratitude, even as his eyes were closed. “Thank you, Sir, thank you, want to feel you all night Sir, please, thank you.”

Eggsy forced himself up, seating the plug back in place. "Stay there, tiger. Wanna get you somethin," he said. "I'm still here," he said as he stood, walking on shaky legs over to their bags, fetching a pair of panties out before going to get a wet flannel from the bathroom. "Doing so good, tiger, so well behaved for me," he called, making sure Dean could hear his voice, know that he wasn't leaving.

And Dean was grateful for it. When the weight shifted as Eggsy left, a cloud had threatened to settle, a mild panic just beginning to drift in, which dissipated as soon as Eggsy’s voice broke through the fog. He basked in the praise, and though he could tell Eggsy was moving about the room, it didn’t matter, because he’d latched onto his voice and that was all he needed to keep himself tethered.

"Okay," Eggsy said, settling back on the bed. "Come here." He guided Dean between his legs, settling them so they were back to chest. "These aren't gonna be nice when they come off," Eggsy warned, toying with the clamps. He pressed a kiss to Dean's temple. "All right?"

Dean nodded slowly; feeling fine at the moment. There were nothing but some sparks as the tassels swayed; he figured it’d be fine. And in Eggsy’s arms, it didn’t really matter anyways.

"Deep breath," Eggsy said, and quickly unclipped the first one.

With a shocked gasp, Dean arched up, the pain much stronger than he’d been expecting. It washed over him, and he slumped back into Eggsy’s chest with an, “Oh!” As it ebbed, he smiled; surprise or no, the aftershocks were fantastic. His nipple sent out aching throbs, and his cock twitched delightedly in response. 

“All righ’?” Eggsy asked, smoothing a hand over Dean’s chest, massaging his nipple to start the circulation back up.

“Yeah,” Dean moaned, his hips starting to roll as Eggsy teased at his nipple, “Hurt at first. Aftertaste is _awesome_.”

Eggsy chuckled. “I bet,” he murmured, pressing his lips to the curve of Dean’s ear. “Next one,” he said, reaching out and unclipping it.

He was more prepared this time, so Dean just gripped Eggsy’s thigh as the pain rippled through him, then relaxed as it dimmed, sending pleasure through his body. “You’re so fucking good, Sir,” Dean muttered, rocking back onto plug, breath stuttering as he stretched his head back over Eggsy’s shoulder, riding the subtle bliss. Nothing close to getting him off, but spine-tingling all the same.

“All done,” Eggsy said. “Did really well, Dean.” He reached out for the flannel. “Lemme clean you up, huh?” he asked, swiping it between Dean’s thighs and gently over his cock. “You were leaking, tiger,” Eggsy murmured, grinning.

“So good to me,” Dean muttered, rutting against the flannel, “I was good for you? Didn’t come. Like you said.”

“You were very good,” Eggsy soothed, taking the flannel away, kissing down Dean’s neck. “Did it feel good?”

“Awesome,” Dean replied breathlessly. He felt limp, passive, and pliable, and it really was amazing.

“Why don’t you drink some water, tiger?” Eggsy suggested, reaching over for one of the bottles, and opening it, holding it to Dean’s lips.

Dean took a sip, then realizing how thirsty he was, took the bottle in his own hand, and chugged, finishing it in one go. He wiped the streams of water that had run down his neck and chest, then handed the empty bottle back to Eggsy. His mind was filled with a pleasant hum, and he thought he could live here forever.

“Do you want more to drink, tiger?” Eggsy asked, setting the bottle aside and drying Dean’s chest with a spare flannel. “Or are you all right?”

“Right for now,” Dean sighed, eyes closed, “Maybe in a bit.” He tried to pat Eggsy’s on the leg, and missed. He tilted his head back onto Eggsy’s shoulder, then burrowed into his neck, offering more kisses. “Never gonna stop wanting more of you.”

"'S okay, tiger," Eggsy said, stroking his back. "I get it. An' I love you. Let's just lay here for a lil, then we can get ready to go, yeah?"

“Food.” Dean remembered part of their plans, then shrugged himself low, turning slightly, and laying on his side, his head on Eggsy’s thigh. He was close to Eggsy’s cock, and the scent of sex was still heavy. Dean breathed in deeply, their combined scents unique and arousing. Dean was still highly sensitive, cock hard, the plug reminding him of its presence with every movement. Having not come was leaving his nerves were alight, ready to fire at the smallest provocation.

Eggsy moved his hand from between Dean's shoulders to his hair, threading his fingers through and pushing it back. "You're so gorgeous, righ' now, Dean. Can't get enough of lookin' at you. Can't get enough of lovin' you." He leaned down, pressing a kiss to Dean's temple. "You my beautiful tiger?" he asked, smiling down at him.

“You like the stripes,” Dean recalled how Eggsy had referred to his patchwork of scars, and kissed Eggsy’s thigh, his soft hairs ticking below Dean’s nose. “So must be. _Your_ beautiful tiger anyways. No one else’s, I think, but don’t want no one else, so just yours.”

"I do like the stripes," Eggsy agreed. "I love you. And you're definitely mine, aren't ya?" He asked, tapping Dean's collar.

“Yours. Love you.” Dean answered, touching his cuffs affectionately, nuzzling against Eggsy’s hip. He wrapped an arm around the other side of Eggsy’s hip, and then dissatisfied, shuffled back down the bed, then tugged Eggsy down with him. He climbed back up onto Eggsy, his head on Eggsy’s chest, where he could hear his heartbeat. It was hypnotic, and Dean rolled his hips against him to the rhythm of Eggsy’s heart.

"Don't come," Eggsy warned, still petting his hair. "What are you thinkin' righ' now?" he asked.

“Won’t come,” Dean promised. He was finding it easier than it had been in the beginning; now that he was floating and soft. He didn’t quite know how to answer Eggsy’s other question, so he let the words in his head fall out his mouth, “Thinking. Can hear your heartbeat. Love it. Real. Like you. Like this. Us.”

“That good?” Eggsy asked. Dean nodded, and Eggsy smiled, lapsing into silence. They lay there for a bit, until Eggsy glanced at the clock. “We should probably go, tiger. If we’re gonna make it to the hockey.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed, slowly pushing himself to sitting, groaning happily as the plug shifted inside him. He swayed in his spot as Eggsy stood up, and he slowly tracked Eggsy as he walked about the room.


	15. It Won’t Turn For Me

Eggsy went to their bags, getting Dean and himself clothes. He set Dean’s on the bed and then dressed quickly. “Come here,” Eggsy said quietly, beckoning Dean to the edge of the bed. Dean shifted, hanging his legs over the edge as he sat. Eggsy showed him the turtleneck he’d chosen. “Dean. You wanna wear your collar out to the game too?” he asked, quietly.

Dean fingered the turtleneck, then his collar. His heart fluttered in his chest, and he swallowed hard and nodded, “Yes, Sir. As long as I can wear this.”

“Yes, tiger. Of course you can. I also grabbed these,” Eggsy said, holding up the pair of panties he’d chosen. They were the soft blue with the bow on front and Eggsy smiled. “I want you to wear them to the game,” he said gently. “You’ll have your collar, your cuffs, panties and a plug. Is that okay?”

Dean nodded again; it was almost brazen, but yet completely hidden. There would be no way he could move or sit, or walk, or talk without feeling Eggsy’s control over him; and yet no one else would have a clue. A drop of pre-come formed at the head of his cock, its hardness back as Eggsy listed all the ways in which Dean would be submissive for him tonight.   

“Arms up. If you need to stop or take something off,” Eggsy said, tugging the shirt over Dean’s head.  “You’ll use the word, won’t you?”

“Calder,” Dean confirmed, once his head popped out of the turtleneck. “Just- Just us, though. No one else. You won’t say anything?” As the fog was beginning to lift, a bit of paranoia etched into his mind. He trusted Eggsy, or he wouldn’t have agreed, but still felt it important to say aloud.

“Just us,” Eggsy said, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Promise, luv. I’m not gonna embarrass you, or share anything you don’t want me too. All righ’?” he asked, kneeling, and holding the panties out for Dean to step into.

Dean held onto Eggsy’s shoulders as he slid into the panties, and felt the soft fabric slide up his thighs, over his ass, and over the stiffness of his cock, trapping it against his belly. Dean huffed a small laugh, “Practical,” he gestured, referring to how the panties restrained him, as to make his erection less obvious. As Eggsy stood up, he slipped his arms around Eggsy’s waist and lay soft, wet kisses down his neck.

Eggsy sighed, tipping his head back to give Dean more room, slipping his hands down to grasp his arse. “You know, I really fuckin’ love it when you kiss me,” he said quietly.

The dull pain echoed from the bruises and the plug shifted pleasurably. Dean groaned in Eggsy’s arms, then he dropped to his knees, lifted Eggsy’s shirt, and pressed further kisses against Eggsy’s stomach. He looked up from his knees, “Love kissing you, too.”

Eggsy grinned, and cupped his face. “Yeah, tiger? How much? To the moon and back?” he asked fondly, half joking.

Dean smiled, leaning against his hand, “Alderaan and back.”

“You’re a secret geek,” Eggsy smiled. “But I love you. C’mon. Let’s get your jeans on, and we can go. Giant pretzels are waitin’ remember?”

It took only a few minutes before they’d dressed and left the hotel. Dean still felt slightly off; it was hard to describe. It was nearly like being high, the senses heightened, but the mind fogged, but not nearly as giggly or hungry. He held Eggsy’s hand, ready to follow him wherever he may lead him.

“Dinner?” Dean asked, walking close to Eggsy, their arms pressed together, and Dean trying his damnedest to walk naturally.  

“Wanna get somethin’ quick that we can eat on the way, or sit down?” Eggsy asked, squeezing his hand gently.

“I wanna get to the game on time, maybe a few minutes early. Do we have time to sit?” Dean asked, then doubted, “Do you want to walk instead?”

“If you want to sit, we can sit,” Eggsy said, pulling his phone out and checking the time. “When did you say it started again?”

“I dunno. Thunderbirds. Can you look it up?” Dean knew he’d looked it up earlier, but couldn’t remember. “Where you taking me?”

“I’ll look it up,” Eggsy said, tapping at his phone with one hand. “There’s this little bar by the arena. I looked and it had good reviews. So I figured we could either grab something, and then walk the rest of the way, or sit and eat. If we had time. Says the game starts at 7:16. It’s 6:00 now, so we should have time.”

“Take out, then, we can get good seat. Finish right outside the stadium, get a good spot, and I’ll try to tell ya what I know?” Dean smiled, refusing to let go of Eggsy.

"Sounds perfect, luv." They walked at a relaxed speed, not in any rush. "Oh!" Eggsy said after a while. "Did you have anything planned for tomorrow?"

“Didn’t make it to Mount St. Helene’s, but not sure if tomorrow’s a good day, it’s supposed to pour. Maybe something for the bucket list,” Dean was mildly disappointed, but the intensity and emotional upheaval of the last few days was pretty much necessary, if they were going to attempt the long distance thing. He’d hated it, but was coming to terms with the good of it, even if it meant saving the national monument for another trip. He just hoped he and Eggsy’d have enough trips to get back here someday.

“Next time then,” Eggsy said, nudging his head against Dean’s shoulder. “We’ll have lots of those,” he said softly, looking up at Dean. “A lifetime worth, yeah?”

“However short those lifetimes may be,” Dean admitted, sadness in his voice. He held tight to Eggsy’s hand, as though if he let go, Eggsy would end right now. “We’re fucking crazy, chasing shit that’s actively trying to kill us.” Dean laughed bitterly. “Last time I said that, I’d been infected with some sort of ghost sickness, that made people scared outta their heads.. It was crazy - never really had been too afraid before, but now? I’m definitely afraid of losing you.”

“I don’t wanna lose you either,” Eggsy said, squeezing his hand tight. “Fuckin’ scary lovin’ someone this much.”

“Think this is why only people who’ve lost everything become hunters,” Dean said. “Stupid fucking thing is, my mom was raised a hunter. Dad had no clue. But then she died- No. She was _fucking murdered_ , forced onto the ceiling, bleeding out, then burst into flames. And so my dad, who had no fucking clue about anything like this, became a hunter anyways, dead set on killing the demon who’d killed his wife.

“The worst part was I got sent back. And all Cas said was-” Dean realized he was feeling more alert than he’d been in a while, “All he said was ‘stop it,’ and I tried. Tried to stop my grandparents from being killed, tried to stop my mom from making a deal, but couldn’t stop a damn thing. Turns out, I was just supposed to stop Sammy’s addiction. The past? That happened whether I tried to fix it or not. And he made me fucking live through it anyways.”

Dean felt a cloud settle in his chest, and knew that Eggsy could help it go away. Dean tugged him into an alleyway, hugging Eggsy tightly against the brick wall. “Talk to me. Help me. Clear my head. _Please_. _Anything_.”

"If I were an animal, what type of animal would I be?" Eggsy asked, kissing his forehead, leaning in against Dean, reminding him he was there. "See at first I thought maybe I'm a monkey, cause I climb an' stuff. But then I changed my mind. I think I'm a mongoose. Do you know anything about them?"

“No, keep going.”

"So, Mongoose attack and eat Cobras, righ'?" Eggsy said, sliding a hand up and down Dean's side. "An' tha's kinda a good thing. So, I attack people who are bad and poisonous, before they can hurt humans or other animals. So I'm like a mongoose. They're real athletic, always jump in' and leapin' around, like me. An' they love to snuggle warm things... An' they can fit into tiny holes, like me," he said with a smirk, squeezing Dean's hip. "An' they're sometimes real good friends with tigers. Righ'? Cause tigers deal with Cobras sometimes too, even though most of the time they deal with bigger things. Scarier things."

The sound of Eggsy’s voice, the solid warmth of his body, began to calm Dean down. He took a few deep breaths, and pulled Eggsy’s hand to the back of his neck, so he could feel the weight of the collar beneath the turtleneck. After a minute or so, he stood up straight, took Eggsy’s hand, and said, “Thanks. Better now.” He smiled thoughtfully; Eggsy was a goddamned miracle worker.

"Okay?" Eggsy asked, leaning his head into Dean's shoulder. "Good to go eat, tiger?"

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean agreed. “Lead the way?”

"Always," Eggsy teased. They made it to the bar without any further stops. Eggsy grinned at the menu, ordering a chocolate milkshake and a Reuben, ignoring Dean's look of judgment.

Dean stared at the menu for several minutes before he realized he hadn’t even been reading it. He tried, but there was nearly an entire page for burgers alone, and everything looked good. He couldn’t figure out what he wanted, and he could feel himself getting frustrated by the sheer number of options. He fiddled with his cuff as he flipped through the menu again and again.

Eggsy glanced over, realizing Dean was staring at the menu, but failing to actually read the pages. "Dean?" he said quietly. "Do you want a burger, or something else?" he asked, figuring that giving Dean a specific question to answer might help.

 “I think so,” Dean frowned, “I dunno. Too many damned choices. Why’s the menu gotta be so big?”

"Cause people are picky," Eggsy said. "Here. Can I see the menu?" he asked holding his hand out.

Dean thrust the menu in his direction with a scowl, then flipped the D-ring on the cuff back and forth with his finger.

“Okay. Cheeseburger or hamburger, luv?” Eggsy asked, watching him.

“Cheese, I guess,” Dean answered noncommittally.

“Do you want bacon, onions, or both?” Eggsy asked, reaching out to stop Dean from fiddling with his cuffs.

“Just- I dunno, something I like,” Dean grasped onto Eggsy’s fingers, then tapped against them. “I’m- there’s- there a lot going on, in my head. If that makes any sense. Can’t add much.”

“Do you want me to order for you?” Eggsy asked, watching their hands for a minute before turning his gaze to Dean’s face, trying to read what his face would show.

“Yeah, would you?” Dean felt relieved. It seemed like such a stupid request, but he was still feeling a bit hazy. “That okay?”

"Of course," Eggsy said with a smile. He turned around and ordered. “Bacon cheeseburger, onion rings, extra pickles and a milkshake for you too,” Eggsy said, leaning back against Dean. “Fifteen minutes.”

Dean snaked his arm around Eggsy’s waist, and laid his head on Eggsy’s shoulder. “Thanks,” he murmured. He was highly aware of the collar around his neck, and as a result, the plug and panties as well. It was as if they were taking almost the whole of his concentration, and while it was pretty damned enjoyable, he hadn’t expected it to take the toll on him that it had. He hoped that Eggsy wouldn’t care; but he found himself less likely than normal to jump to conclusions. So, instead, he just asked quietly, “It’s okay that I’m a little bit floaty, right? You don’t mind?”

“Not at all,” Eggsy murmured, ghosting a hand over Dean’s lower back. “I’ll take care of you. Don’t worry, okay? Just enjoy it.”

Dean grinned, satisfied. “‘Kay. What kinda milkshake did you get me?”

"Strawberry," Eggsy said. "You said it was your favorite. Used to get it when you were little."

“Oh, yeah,” Dean smiled fondly, “Forgot I told you that. First time I ever had a milkshake was at a birthday party, one of those kids that invites the whole class? But they were lowkey, just dragged twenty kids to park, then hired an ice cream truck to stop by. We each got one of whatever we wanted. Damned delicious.” Dean licked his lips, lifted his head and bounced a bit on his toes. “Think they use the good stuff, like actual ice cream and strawberries? Or like the completely-artificial-everything-yet-still-somehow-good-as-fuck stuff?”

"Probably the real stuff," Eggsy said, smiling as he watched Dean. "Was it strawberry? The first one you got?"

“Yeah, just like you get at some cheap fast food place. But we never got desserts on the road - _ever_. Cost too much. Occasionally, I’d get pie or something if I was staying at Bobby’s or Father Jim’s, but they’d never offered a milkshake. Felt too proud to ask; stupid as that sounds.” Dean turned to the wood paneled walls, decorated with cartoons, comics, and other slap dash flair. “Place looks like they tossed the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s into a blender. Read that one,” Dean pointed to an old comic strip.

Eggsy leaned over and chuckled. "I love Ziggy. Discovered that recently. You're right though. Weird decorations here.”

“Hipster kitsch,” Dean laughed, genuinely pleased. “You see it around. Nice thing is it normally comes with a we-don’t-take-shit attitude, so you don’t tend to get too many assholes. I hate it when we’ve gotta case someplace nice. Even in my suit, sons of bitches can smell the blue collar on me. Least our vics aren’t normally high profile.”

"Yeah, always the rich bastards that give you trouble," Eggsy said. "I mean, I gotta real nice suit, but if I don' change my voice, they know where I'm from. Don' like it much either; you know?"

“Bet you have to deal with that shit all the time. Helps, though, knowing you could kick their ass six ways to Sunday, though, doesn’t it?” Dean laughed, but pointed to the counter, “Order 67? Is that us?”

"No, we're 68," Eggsy said, just as it was called out. "Oh, there you go. Good call tiger." He went up and checked, then paid. "Ready to go?" he asked, holding a hand out for Dean. "An' yeah it does help knowin' I could kick 'em to the curb."

Dean took his hand, and followed him out the restaurant. A few shops down, Dean stopped and turned. “Damnit!” he exclaimed, walking to the display window, dragging Eggsy behind him. “Make sure I come back here,” Dean said, looking at the store’s door, “Before five tomorrow.” He pointed at the array of arranged baked good behind the glass. “I want that. Had it once before at a festival in Michigan, forgot the name. Says here it’s _pavlova_. Can’t ever find it out in the sticks.”

Dean paused, catching the amused look on Eggsy’s face. “What? A guy can’t like some fruit?”

"Nah," Eggsy said, laughing and leaning in for a peck on the lips.  "I'm just lovin' seein' you so happy. They look good, I kinda want one."

Dean blushed; but it was accompanied by a smile. “Just feeling extra good tonight, that’s all. But I don’t wanna forget to get one of these damn things tomorrow.” He turned to Eggsy and pointed at him, “You’re not gonna let me forget, right?”

“I won’t let you forget,” Eggsy promised. “Cause I want one too. They creamy inside or something?” he asked, a slow smirk spreading over his face. “Like you?” 

Dean had to adjust his tone before he let out a giggle, and thankfully chuckled properly instead. His eyes fluttered at the innuendo, and he clenched almost involuntarily around the plug. He took a deep breath, then opened his eyes. It took him a moment to remember the original question, and he stuttered at first when he answered. “No, uh, it’s- it’s actually this sweetish crunchy shell, then they layer it with whipped cream and fruit. And so then some of the crunchy parts get soft and sweet with the fruit juice, and some of it’s still crunchy, and I dunno, it’s just damned good. I have no idea what the crunchy part is, though. I think Sammy said it was like a meringue, but that didn’t do me a whole lot of good.”

“Meringue is like some dried cream or somethin’ I think. Mom tried to teach me to bake, but I dunno,” Eggsy said, still smirking at him. He squeezed Dean’s hand again and started walking again, sipping his milkshake. “You know, I told her she should try an’ get a job in a bakery somewhere. She’s real good at it. Her shortbread is the best. Even I like it, an’ I don’ like shortbread.”

“She do pies? Like, Christmas pies?” Dean asked hopefully.

“Yeah. And she makes these rhubarb an’ apple pies. They’re real good,” Eggsy said thoughtfully. “An’ she makes some kinda like, doughnut things. Those are yummy too.”

“That sounds fucking fantastic,” Dean commented, dreaming of rhubarb apple pies, and was surprised when Eggsy stopped, sat, and tugged his arm. He looked around, “Where are we?”

“Jus’ outside the stadium,” Eggsy said, smiling up at him. “Figured we should eat before goin’ in or the food gets cold.”

“Oh,” Dean looked around. “Yeah. The KeyArena sign should’ve given that away.” He sat next to Eggsy, and held out his hand for food. Eggsy handed him his burger, and the bag of onion rings. Dean took a large, messy bite of the burger, and smiled at Eggsy, food packed in his cheeks like a chipmunk. “‘S good!” he muffled out.

“Glad,” Eggsy said, spreading his dressing on his sandwich and taking a big bite. “Oh my god, this is fuckin’ deadly. You wanna try?” he asked, offering it to Dean as he swallowed.

“That’s gonna be a no on the sauerkraut,” Dean shook his head. “Rest of it’s okay, but people get all tetchy if you ask for a Reuben with no kraut.”

“Oh.” Eggsy shrugged. “I suppose I’ll still love you. Even if you don’t eat pickled cabbage.” He grinned and pressed a kiss to Dean’s shoulder. “How you doin’ tiger? Feelin’ okay, nothin’s hurtin’?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Ass is little sore, little bruised, but I like that, so-” Dean shrugged, “Everything else is awesome.” He smiled dreamily, then frowned. “The fuck is it with you and pickled shit? Is that a British thing?” Dean asked with mock accusation, recalling the horrendous ginger incident.

“Probably,” Eggsy said, sticking his tongue out at him. He reached up and ran a hand over Dean’s collar in a subtle reminder. “Love you.”

Dean sighed deeply and closed his eyes. “Like that,” he muttered. He stayed quiet and content until Eggsy moved his hand, then opened his eyes and looked almost shy. “Takes some getting used to, how you make feel sometimes,” he admitted quietly, then shoved an onion ring is his mouth so he wouldn’t have to explain further.

“Takes some gettin’ used to havin’ somebody that’ll let me make them feel this way,” Eggsy said gently. “Trusts me tha’ much. Make me feel special, an’ wanted like nothin’ else does.”

“No wonder we couldn’t keep it a one night stand,” Dean only half joked. Because it was true, if Eggsy received the same sort of pleasure taking care of Dean that he felt being taken care of, then it was a damned miracle they’d met in the first place, and Dean didn’t think neither Hell nor high water could stop them from being together.

“Really?” Eggsy teased. “You sure it ain’t just cause I’m a great fuckin’ lay an’ you couldn’t get enough?”

“Well, yeah, I mean, that’s fucking obvious though, right?” Dean laughed, taking a sip of his milkshake. “That’s some good shit right there. How much time we got?”

Eggsy checked his phone. “Thirty minutes or so.”

“Just gotta few bites left, then go in?” Dean asked, nibbling through another onion ring. “I don’t know how popular these guys are, so I’m hoping not to end up in the nosebleed section, you know?”

“Doesn’t look too busy,” Eggsy said, glancing around. “Jus’ a steady trickle goin’ in. Not too bad.” He took another sip, and finished off his sandwich.

Dean tossed the wrapper into the empty onion ring bag and held the bag out for Eggsy’s trash, then tossed it all in a garbage can twenty feet away. He came back and stood, sucking down what he could of his milkshake before they went to purchase tickets.


	16. The TVs Are Showing the Game

Eggsy finished his own milkshake, taking Dean's cup and dumping them as they went into the box office. As Eggsy had assumed, the box office wasn’t busy and they were able to get a seat somewhat close to the ice. They grabbed a beer each, leaving the pretzels for later and made their way, settling down. "Not the nosebleeds," Eggsy said, examining the rink. "What's tha' line mean?"

“So I don’t know a lot about hockey, but it’s pretty much soccer on ice,” Dean started. “The red lines obviously the center, and the two blue lines, well, I dunno why, but I don’t think you can hit the puck past two blue lines. Someone’s gotta be between the blue lines to stop and hit the puck again. Pretty much everything I know’s from Mighty Ducks.”

Dean sat back, a small huff of air escaping him as the plug shifted, “You got the goalie and four other dudes, trying to get the puck in the net. Doesn’t happen often; hockey’s a pretty low scoring game. And they can end in a tie, which is fucking weird. They don't fight as much as you’d hope in real life. In movies and shit, someone’s always throwing down, but not so much here.”

"Mighty Ducks was that movie," Eggsy clarified, leaning on his shoulder. "An' hockey has goalies like football, righ'?"

Dean paused for a moment, “Right, the English thing. Yeah, like your football, and our soccer.” He took a deep chug of his beer, then settled his head on Eggsy’s as the players came onto the ice. “I don’t know how your sports go - other than you seem to light a lot of shit on fire. We don’t do that as much here, but there’s lots of stupid noises and chants and weird little games.”

Eggsy chuckled, twining their fingers together. "We have those too. We're really not tha' different, luv. Except you call everything by the wrong name and don't have proper rugby."

“Not everything,” Dean protested, “No, the weird thing is when we have the same words and they mean different things. Like when you about pissed yourself at Pike’s Place when that old lady asked if you’d seen her fanny pack.”

"Look, I knew you used that word but I wasn't prepared for someone who looked like my gram to be askin' me about her bits," Eggsy protested, grinning. "An' laughter’s my defense mechanism, innit? I'm allowed!"

“But you gotta look at it from my point of view - I had no idea that was a thing. So this poor little old lady comes over and asks you for help, and you about choked on your tongue and damn near fell over. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on, like was she some super villain that’d slipped through your fingers? Fed you a poison apple?” Dean was laughing out loud now, and with a smile he finished his beer.

He looked out at the ice, and saw the teams line up for the opening face-off. “Kay, here we go,” he nudged Eggsy, who was still chuckling into his own beer.

Eggsy finished it in two quick pulls and set the cup down, settling into his seat. “Right.” Eggsy paused. “Dean? Which team are we rootin’ for? Home team? Or do you have a special connection with the other ones?”

“Uh, home team, I guess. Probably safest,” Dean figured, “Not that I’m too worried, but don’t really want to deal with some drunk die hard fan, you know? Hell, I’m not even sure where the other team is from, I wasn’t paying attention.”

Dean looked at the program, “The Kamloops Blazers? What the hell sort of name is that?”

Eggsy snorted. "What the fuck?" he asked with a laugh. "Kamloops? Kamloop Baloop!"

“Oh man! Did you ever do that name thing when you were a kid? Like, shit, what was it?’ Dean thought for a moment, “Uh - Sammy sammy bo bammy, banana fanna fo fammy, be my mo mammy, Sammy!”

Dean’s cheeks were growing sore with the width of his smile, and the couple in front of them moved down their row, tossing annoyed looks his way, but it didn’t bother him in the slightest. He did lower his voice for a moment, “Can’t tell if I’m buzzed, subby, or just happier than I’ve been in a while, but I’m having a great time.”

Eggsy set his hand on Dean's thigh and squeezed. "I'm glad," he said, still grinning. He leaned up and pressed a kiss to Dean's cheek. "But tell me if it's too much later, okay?"

“Yeah, ‘course,” Dean answered, realizing that even a few days ago, he didn’t think he’d be so sure he could tell Eggsy if he got overwhelmed. “Definitely. How’s about another beer? I’ll go get ‘em if you tell me what you want?”

"I don't want another yet," Eggsy said. "If you wan' one, go ahead," he said with a smile.

“Nah, I’ll wait,” Dean answered, “But if you see the dude walking around with the waters, get me one? I’m kinda thirsty.” Dean sat forward in his seat, his elbows on his knees, watching the game. No one had scored yet, but one guy had some serious decent moves; able to twist and turn around his opponents. “You see this guy?” Dean gestured, impressed.

"He's pretty good," Eggsy said, leaning closer to the glass. "Hey watch that thing this guy's doing. He's sliding in on the side? An' it's slowin' him down, and confusin' the other team. Tha' impressive. ‘Cause then he speeds up and goes to get the puck."

“You ever been on ice skates?” Dean asked, rocking in time with the music that blasted through the speakers after various plays.

"Nah," Eggsy said, shaking his head. "I mean, it's not a big thing where I'm at you know? Like the Olympics you see skaters an' stuff. I've always wanted to try though."

“I’d always seen people skating when we were at Bobby’s in the winter. Little pond in town that’d freeze over. But I didn’t play hockey, and if you didn’t play, then skating was just for girls. And by the time high school hit, I wasn’t about to make an ass out of myself, fallin on my ass trying to learn. Like watching it, though.” Dean sat up a bit, still swaying a bit back and forth and subconsciously rubbing his left cuff with his right thumb. He sighed with a thoughtful smile, “But I’d bet you’d be awesome; all that gymnast balance?”

"I'd hope so. Either be brilliant or fuckin' terrible," Eggsy said, reaching a hand out and stroking it over the back of Dean's neck where his collar was hidden.

A quiet moan escaped Dean, and he pushed subtly into Eggsy’s hand as he rocked back.

"Shh," Eggsy murmured. "Relax, tiger."

Dean leaned back into the chair, breaths just a bit heavy, as he tried to discreetly adjust himself. “Fuck,” he whispered, leaning back forward, unable to conceal himself well enough to go unnoticed.

"Watch the game," Eggsy said, leaning his head on Dean's shoulder. "Think they can tell?" he asked, gesturing to the players. "By the way you sit? The way you're flushed?" He chuckled as Dean tensed. "Don't worry, tiger. Only I know. How I have you collared and plugged. How you get on your knees for me," he whispered. "How you beg. You belong to me. No one else."

If no one could tell before, Dean was sure they could now. His face felt as though it were on fire, his eyes were half lidded, and he was desperately trying not to pant aloud. He twitched around the plug, felt Eggsy’s hand on the collar, and cursed again, under his breath. “ _Son of bitch_. You trying to make me come in my pants?”

"Will you?" Eggsy asked, sliding away and releasing his hold on Dean's neck. He gave a sly smirk, and blew him a kiss.

“Dunno,” Dean answered with a breathless whisper, “Don’t want to find out here, Sir, please.”

Eggsy nodded. "I won't, luv. Promise," he said seriously. "It's all right. Relax."

The tension melted from Dean’s shoulders, but his cock was still straining against the silk of his panties, and fuck, if that didn’t just make him harder. He covered himself with the program in his lap, and leaned back, crossing his legs. “I think I need that drink now, Sir,” he uttered quietly.

"Beer or water?" Eggsy asked. "Either is fine, and I can go get it or you can. Or both of us."

“Can’t really move right now,” Dean pleaded, “And beer, please. Anything to desensitize me for a bit.” Dean motioned to a guy selling beer and water one section over. “We can call him over if you want, or if you wanna go up to concession. But _please_?”

"Yeah, tha' works." Eggsy waved him over, getting two waters and two beers. "Water first," he told Dean. "Then beer."

Dean chugged the water, all of it, then nestled the beer into the empty cup. He said, with obvious relief, “Thank you.” He was quiet, watching the game, his hips still minutely rolling, not even aware he was doing it.

"Dean?" Eggsy said, sipping his own water and laying his hand palm down on Dean's thigh in silent askance. "What's the guy over there doin'? He the coach?"

Dean stilled, casting his eyes downward, and uttering a small, “Sorry.” He paused, then answered Eggsy’s question. “I think so? I don’t know why else he’d be in the box?” He took a large gulp of his beer, hoping it’d help him numb him a bit.

“He’s not like, helpin’ though. He’s just watching. Shouldn’t he be yellin’ out and stuff?” Eggsy asked. “Eh, to each their own, righ’? I mean look they just scored!” he said excitedly. “They’re doin’ somethin’ right!”

The crowd’s dull roar caught Dean off guard until he processed Eggsy’s words. He smiled and cheered for the goal, then turned to Eggsy, blinking a moment before his answer came to him. “Maybe an athletic trainer, then?” He rested his hand on Eggsy’s hoping to stop himself from fidgeting in his seat too much; he was driving himself to distraction.

“Maybe,” Eggsy replied, twining their fingers. “Good guess, tiger. Really good, aren’t ya?”

Dean gave a shy half smile. “I try. Hard sometimes,” then he laughed, “ _Really_ hard.”

“I noticed tha’ once or twice,” Eggsy teased, smirking. “Hey, where’s those pretzels you were talking about?”

“At concession, I think. Looks like first period’s gonna be up in a few minutes; we go now we can avoid the lines?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy said, standing. “Gotta go to the bathroom anyway. Or as you Americans think I should say, ‘the loo,’” he teased. “You comin’?”

With a bit of maneuvering, Dean could comfortably walk, and followed behind Eggsy. He stayed a few steps back to enjoy the view of Eggsy’s ass in his jeans and was vaguely disappointed when they reached the top.

"You gotta go?" Eggsy asked, stopping as they passed a bathroom.

“Yeah, two beers through me and the water?” Dean ducked into the toilets. “Gotta piss like a racehorse.”

“We gonna compare dick sizes?” Eggsy teased, following him in.

“You haven’t figured it out by now, I don’t think that’s gonna help you,” Dean laughed. He hesitated at the urinal, thinking about his current state and decided to use the stall instead. Just in case.

Eggsy smirked as Dean went into the stall and glanced around, checking to see if they were alone. “Love you too, tiger,” he called out, dealing with his business and going to wash his hands. He grinned as the toilet flushed and Dean came out, and over to the sink.

Dean washed his hands, then, doing his own check of the room, leaned into give Eggsy a kiss. “Pretzel time,” he announced, drying his hands and flashing a smile.

“In jus’ a minute,” Eggsy said, and dried his hands off before reaching for Dean, cupping his face and drawing him in for another kiss. “Now we can,” he said, smiling to match Dean’s.

“Needed that,” Dean sighed, then followed Eggsy out to the concession stand. He looked up at the menu, and frowned. “Where’re the pretzels?” He turned, looking for another concession stand. The cashier saw him looking, and pointed down the corridor as she continued to assist the elderly couple ordering hot dogs.

Dean nodded, and walked down, finding the independent vendor, and looking over the toppings. “Okay. I want a one with the garlic parmesan. Or maybe the icing? Or the beer cheese dip?” Dean turned to Eggsy. “What do you want?”

“Uh...I want sweet. The icing one,” Eggsy said, pointing with a grin. “That one specifically. We can share if you want a different one.”

“Yeah, let’s do that. Icing and the cheese dip,” Dean order, handing over his card. The bored vendor handed the two pretzels over with a grunt. Dean, in turn, handed the icing pretzel to Eggsy. He heard the buzzer sound the end of the first period and smirked. “Just in time,” he held up his pretzel in a mock toast, before dipping his in the cheese and taking a big bite.

Eggsy took a bite, surprise crossing his face. “They’re warm,” he said excitedly. “They’re really good!”

Dean looked at him oddly, “‘Course they’re warm.” He dipped the pretzel in the cheese again and offered it Eggsy, “Wanna try?”

Eggsy nodded. “Yeah, please.” He leaned in, giving a low moan. “What the fuck? This shit’s so good. And it’s warm! Are they always warm?”

“If they’re fresh. And decent. They don’t serve ‘em warm in London?” Dean asked, walking back to their seats. The music was playing loudly as the Zamboni resurfaced the ice. Once he sat, Dean offered another bite to Eggsy. “Feel like I should give you both, didn’t know you’d had shit pretzels up till now.”

“I’ve never had one warm,” Eggsy mumbled around his bite. “It’s really fuckin’ good, tiger. This is normal? Seriously?”

“Well apparently we’ve got shit fries, and kick ass pretzels,” Dean smiled. They slowly shared bites of pretzel back and forth, and Dean found it a bit easier to focus on the game. They joked about not understanding the intricacies of the games, cheering for both teams when the players did something impressive, and getting a few wayward glances from the locals. 

Eggsy grinned and nudged Dean as there was a pause in the game. "Tiger. Look."

“The kiss cam!” Dean laughed. “The cameramen pan around for couple and you kiss if you’re up on screen, see?” Dean pointed to middle aged couple, whose kids were shielding their eyes in mock horror.

"An' how do we get on screen?" Eggsy asked with a wicked gleam in his eye.

“Not sure we will, though Seattle’s more open minded than other places. But you wanna try, we oughta look like a couple,” Dean set his hand on Eggsy's thigh, snuggling close to him.

Eggsy chuckled. "Worth a try," he said, wrapping an arm around Dean and leaning in to press a kiss to his head. "Ha! Look at those two," he said, pointing and taking Dean's hand. "They have those giant fake lips on."

The camera panned to two other (heterosexual) couples, and Dean shrugged, unsurprised. “S’okay, we’re still the best looking couple here.” And then, suddenly, he saw he and Eggsy on the screen.

Eggsy grinned excitedly, bouncing in his chair. He turned, cupping Dean's face and going in for a kiss, tongue teasing across Dean's lower lip just enough to keep the kiss chaste. Dean returned the touch of tongue, and pulled away with a smile, only belatedly hearing the cheers, whoops and hollers of the crowd.

“Church tongue,” Dean commented with a smile, and let his thumb drag down Eggsy’s jaw before looking back to the cam to see the next couple on the screen.

Eggsy pressed his lips to Dean's fingers, still smiling. “Love you,” he murmured and leaned into Dean, watching the game.

Eggsy pretended to pout when the game finally ended, the home team winning by two points. “Well, no one’s bleedin’, I’m definitely not at home,” he joked, standing and collecting their trash with a grin. “That was fuckin’ fun, Dean. Loved it.”

Dean smiled, “Yeah, me too. Can I follow you up the stairs again? You’ve got a seriously fantastic ass,” he winked.

"Shut up," Eggsy said, grinning and rolling his eyes, but he turned and shuffled out of their aisle, heading up the stairs first. He threw the garbage out at the top, and reached for Dean's hand. "Was that enough?"

“It’s never enough,” Dean laughed. He grabbed Eggsy’s hand and they walked towards the exit.

A man jumped out in front of them, and flashed an official looking badge. “Hello, gentlemen, I was wondering if we could talk?” Dean nodded warily, and the man continued. “I work for Thunderbird PR, and we really are working to send the message that even as a sports venue, we embrace diversity of all kinds. We want everyone to feel welcome here. Could we possible use the Kiss Cam picture of you in promotional materials?”

Dean blinked, surprised. He turned to Eggsy.

“I don’t mind. I would like a copy of it though,” Eggsy said, squeezing his hand. He smiled at Dean. “What do you think, luv?”

“If you’re good, I am,” Dean had to laugh; what were the chances?

The man beamed, “Excellent! I’ve got a release here for you to sign. I’ll need your IDs, and we’ll absolutely provide a framed memento for your troubles.”

Dean tugged out his fake ID, handing it to the man.

Eggsy pulled out his own, and took the paperwork, scribbling his permission.

“Oh! You’re married!” the man beamed, “That’s perfect!” He looked at the two IDs and frowned slightly. “We usually will send a framed 8x10 of the photo, which address would be preferred?”

“His,” Dean spoke up; it’s not like he could hang an 8x10 in the Impala. The man grinned, and told them that he’d send a copy to the address on Eggsy’s ID.

“Well, that was interesting,” Eggsy said with a quiet chuckle as they walked away after Dean signed as well.

“I mean, damn, I knew we were cute, but that?” Dean laughed. “Model worthy, I guess.” He looked to Eggsy, “Hotel?”

"Yeah, luv. Get that outta you before it starts to bug you?" Eggsy asked with a smile. "And you were real good today," he murmured. "Think you deserve a reward?"

“Fuck, yes,” Dean sighed his relief, answering both questions at once. He smirked, “The things I let you do to me, man.”

"Oh shut up, you love it," Eggsy said, grinning at him. "An' I love you."

“Yeah, love you too,” Dean bumped against Eggsy’s arm. The walk back to the hotel was cold and they could see their breath in the frigid air. With each block, Dean was getting harder with anticipation; he wasn’t sure that’d he’d last more than a minute once Eggsy’s turned his attentions to him.

"Yer tense, tiger," Eggsy said with a smile. "Eager?" He asked, bumping hips as they got closer.

“Yeah,” Dean answered, a bit breathless, “Been on edge, waiting all night. Wondering what you’re gonna do to me. Hoping I can take more than ten seconds of it.”

“Nothin’ too much,” Eggsy said, taking his hand again and smirking. “Just somethin’ I know you wanted to try. An’ you’ll be able to come as often as you want.”

Dean gave a little groan. He wasn’t sure quite what Eggsy was thinking, but it had to be spectacular. “Not a kid anymore,” he warned, “Can’t expect too much.” Although, if he were going to come multiple times, tonight would be it.

“All I’m expectin’ is you, in my arms. An’ maybe comin' at least one time,” Eggsy smiled as they went into the hotel. “We need anything before we go up to the room?”

“Don’t think so? We’ve got plenty of water in the fridge, right?” Dean answered. He’d almost regretted suggesting going without coming like he had, but honestly, he’d been so sensitive, so attuned to Eggsy’s every touch, that he couldn’t find it in himself to care how difficult it had been.


	17. Every Time I Try It

“We’re set for water,” Eggsy smiled and took Dean's hand, tugging him over to the elevators. They stepped in, and after the other passenger got off on the second floor, Eggsy flashed Dean a smile, backing him up against the wall. "Gimme a kiss?" he murmured, pressing his lips to the front of Dean's hidden collar.

Dean moaned with Eggsy’s lips at his neck, but dipped down slightly to kiss the top of his head, before leaning his head back. He exposed the length of his neck, letting Eggsy tease him, then placed his hands gently on Eggsy’s hips, waiting for Eggsy’s instructions.

“Love you so much,” Eggsy said, kissing up his jaw. “You gonna behave tonight? Lemme get you all hot and bothered?” he teased, sliding his hands down to grasp Dean’s arse, just as the doors opened on their floor.

“Yes, please,” Dean begged, already losing himself, “Anything, Sir.”

“Well, c’mon then,” Eggsy grinned, taking his hand and practically towing him from the elevator to their door. He pulled out his key, pushed the door open, then shut it, then turned around and shoved Dean up against it. “You’re gonna drop all your clothes and go get on that bed,” he said, tugging Dean’s turtleneck down to nip just above his collar. “And I’m gonna get some toys. An’ we’re gonna play, got it tiger?” he asked, breath hot and heavy against Dean’s neck. “I’m gonna make you feel so good.”

Dean’s clothes were shed within six steps of the door, the collar, cuffs, and plug in place. He knelt, ass up, head down on the bed, his arms crossed behind his back, his cock hard and ready. He was nearly vibrating with his own desperate need; his fingers tapping against the cuffs. He spread his knees wider, feeling the plug rub against him.

Eggsy chuckled, walking over and petting a hand over Dean’s arse, rotating the plug gently. “This feel good? I think I promised you could come, didn’t I?” he asked, then pressed the button on the base, setting the plug vibrating deep inside Dean.

Dean wasn’t expecting the plug to activate. He nearly howled into the pillow, “Son of a bitch!” Then he began to beg, “Please, fuck, Sir, can I touch myself? Will you touch me, fuck I need- please, Sir, please, Christ, just touch me, _please_!”

“Touch yourself, or wait for me, if you have too,” Eggsy said, walking away from the bed, to gather what he wanted for the night from their stash. “C’mon Dean. Bet you can come untouched. Been teasing you all night,” Eggsy said, bringing the items over. “C’mon, luv. Come for me. Don’t even touch yourself, lemme see your fuckin’ cock spurt. Come, Dean. Been so good. My beautiful tiger.”

“Fuck!” Dean cried out, feeling close and just needing a bit more; he could come untouched if Eggsy would just- “Talk to me, like you did earlier, so close, little bit more-”

Eggsy set his burdens down, setting a hand on Dean's lower back. "So fuckin' gorgeous when you beg, always good for me, aren't you?" He brushed his lips over Dean's shoulder with a quiet chuckle. "Come, Dean. Lemme see it. You're so fuckin' beautiful when you do, the look on your face is jus' like heaven. Makes me feel so good, knowin' you like what I'm doing. Tha' I made you come. Lemme see, luv."

Dean’s face burned red, his body quivering, twitching, and he spoke no more than a whisper, humiliated for asking, but desperate to come, “Like at the game- dirty.”

Eggsy caught on immediately. "You wanna hear how dirty you are?" he asked. " I bet I could made you drop down on your knees, suck me off on camera you get so desperate. A' what about that camera, huh? How you feel knowing our pictures gonna be up all over and no one’s gonna know how filthy you are, plugged up an' collared and hard for me?"

“Oh, fuck, yes, fuck, please,” Dean begged, “More; do anything for you, please.”

Eggsy took a breath and slapped him on the arse, jarring the plug inside him. "Come for me, luv. Fuckin' filthy, tiger."

“Son of a-” Dean started to groan, then whined as his cock jerked beneath him, coming in thick stripes over the bedspread, over and over, throbbing, as his orgasm overtook him, bursting forth, mind and body shattered as he felt nothing but the tide of ecstasy coursing through him.

His whole body sagged under the weight of pleasure, and he nearly collapsed onto his own knees, chest and head flat against the bed, panting, chest heaving, mumbling words he could barely understand.

Eggsy turned off the plug, then pulled Dean into his arms, laying him down. “There. Fuckin’ gorgeous,” he said, stroking a hand through his hair. “Was tha’ good?” he asked with a quiet chuckle, nuzzling and kissing Dean’s neck and jaw. He reached out for a bottle of water and then repositioned them so Dean was half in his lap. “Here, luv. Get somethin’ to drink, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dean gasped, letting Eggsy tip the water into his mouth, barely able to move with ripples of pleasures echoing through him after his orgasm. “Good. Amazing. You’re amazing. Fucking love you. So good,” Dean stuttered between gulps. “Totally worth it.” And it was, each and every moment of torture and teasing and struggle and bliss.

Eggsy leaned down and kissed his forehead. “I’m glad,” he said, smiling. “Now, migh’ be too soon to ask, but you wanna keep goin’ tonight? Nothin’ too strenuous. Can turn on the telly, or listen to some music while we do it. Don’t even gotta move from the bed, already got the stuff we need.”

“Yeah,” Dean panted, “Fuck yeah. Anything you want.” He was blissful and content, and happy to follow Eggsy’s lead. He needed everything Eggsy could give him before it was too late. He finished the water bottle, then asked, “How’d you want me?”

“Jus’ layin’ back," Eggsy said. "Kinda want you relaxed. You're gonna need to be," he said, helping Dean shift, spooning up against him. "Telly on? Can probably get Dr. Sexy."

Dean mashed at the remote, finding the channel button and flipping through the stations. Sure enough, he found the start of a Dr. Sexy marathon, then snuggled back into Eggsy. “There ya go,” he murmured happily.

Eggsy kisses the back of his head. "Thank you, tiger." He began to drift a hand over Dean's arse; almost idly toying with his arse. "How sensitive is this feelin'?" he asked, pressing against Dean's rim with one finger. "Still real open."

Dean gasped at first, then softened into almost a purr, “That’s- yeah, that’s a bit tender. Good though. But if you’re gonna keep that up, can I get a bit more lube?”

"You mean this, righ' here?" Eggsy asked in mock surprise, tugging out the bottle from the pile on the bedside table behind him. "Course you can tiger." He coated his fingers and set it aside, going back to teasing at Dean's rim. "Better?"

“Yeah,” Dean agreed, laughter in his voice. “Fucking Boy Scout. ‘Course, they ain’t supposed to be teaching this in the Scouts.” His breath stalled momentarily, as shivers went up his spine. 

Eggsy smiled. "No they ain't, but I bet some of the scouts figure it out," he teased, pressing two fingers into Dean. "Start out just like this I bet."

“Might’ve been more interested if I’d known that,” Dean teased, rolling his hips slightly in time with Eggsy’s fingers. “Can just imagine it, you and me, sharing a sleeping bag. You’d be the good kid with the bad mouth, trying to talk me into letting you fuck me in a tent full of other guys, and I’d be the horny little bitch who’d let you.”

"Mm, you fuckin' would. One taste of my cock and you'd be a goner," Eggsy said, pressing his lips to Dean's neck. "We'd go out and get lost by "accident". Have to share body heat to survive," he joked, searching out Dean's prostate. "Whaddya think?"

“Think you’re- ah!” Dean moaned when Eggsy touched him just right, and had to take a deep breath before continuing, “Think you’re gonna have a hard time convincing people of that when you’ve got me folded in half up against a tree.” He figured their position at the bar could be easily translated to the woods.

“Course, given that I’ve got ten years on you, more likely I’d be the camp counselor. Wait, shit, now that makes me a felon. Let’s go back; if we’re fantasizing, might as well both be horny teenagers running around the woods,” Dean paused, “ _Aaand_ now it’s a horror movie.”

Eggsy couldn't help but start laughing. "Jesus, luv. You want us to get eaten by Bigfoot or somethin'? No, I think we're too smart. We'd avoid all the monsters, but then we'd have "we just survived" sex in a questionable place. Fall off a cliff with my cock up your ass."

“Damn, I hope I’d have more fucking sense than that,” Dean joked, “I mean, just how magical is your cock in this scenario, that you’re fucking me right off the edge of cliff, and I just _go with it_?”

"Nah, it'd be more like we'd be fuckin' and get so lost in the moment, rollin' around on the ground, we'd accidentally fall off," Eggsy said.

“Well, at least I’m not a total fucking dumbass,” Dean smirked. “You ever have any other things you’d wished you gotten up to as a kid? Know it sounds kind of stupid, but I used to wish I had a house, bedroom on the second floor, just so somebody could climb in the window at night for sneaky, don't-get-caught sex.”

Dean pondered on that for a moment, “Course, that was assuming I could get a date at all. Hard to convince someone to come back to your place for a good time, when that place was a motel room you shared with your dad and brother.” Dean chuckled, “It’s a damn miracle I ever got laid.”

"Well, it's not really about sex, but I always wanted to explore the tunnels for the tube, you know?" Eggsy said. "An' I always wanted to climb up to the top of St. Paul's with someone, an' snog them. Sounded fun."

“St. Paul’s?”

"Yeah," Eggsy said. "Remind me to pull up a picture an' show you. It's a cathedral. Real big, gorgeous dome on top. Inside, if you go on one side and someone is on the other and you whisper to them, they can hear you. Even though it's like, a massive open space." Eggsy smiled. "And if you go outside, you can see so much of the city. Gorgeous."

Dean smiled, the relative innocence of the conversation in weird contrast with what Eggsy was currently doing to him. “Yeah? Over Christmas, you think?”

"Dunno if we'd be able to go out on the top, but we can definitely go in," Eggsy said, carefully adding a third finger. "They've got crypts downstairs. Real peaceful place if I'm bein' honest. Can't wait to show you London."

A low groan escaped him as Eggsy stretched him further, and for a few moments, it was all Dean could think about, the slide of his fingers, the slow, lazy pace, and Dean sighed as he relaxed into it. “Yeah? What else you wanna show me?”

"Mm, Big Ben of course. The palace," Eggsy said, gently pushing his fingers in and out. "Other places I been and liked. Regents Park. They have ducks and they love being fed in the winter."

“What about-” Dean was beginning to pant, “-that Ferris wheel thing? What’s that?”

“The London Eye?” Eggsy asked, stroking over his prostate. “It’s on the river. Across from Parliament an’ Big Ben. Can rent out a pod just for us,” he said, voice turning teasing. “Fuck you against the glass, suck you off while we’re above the river, all the way at the top.”

“I’d let you, too,” Dean admitted, trembling against him. “You bring me down, you could do anything to me. Don’t mind a bit of exhibitionism, just-” Dean groaned against Eggsy’s fingers, “Just can’t be, well, openly submissive. No parading me ‘round on a leash outside.”

"I wouldn't do tha' to you," Eggsy said. "You got too much pride for tha' ever to be anythin' I could enjoy or you could enjoy. It would hurt me to do it, if tha' makes sense," he said, shifting a little and kissing the top of Dean's head. "This is about takin' care of you an' what you need. Walking you on a leash ain't what you need. Might be for someone else, but not you. Tha's why we got our lists. Like me. Slapping you a few times on the ass with my hand is fine, but I won't do more than tha', because it's not good for me. You don't want people knowin' shit they don't need to know. I understand," Eggsy said softly.

Dean turned his head, wrapping his arm behind him to pull Eggsy gently into a kiss. “You do, too. It’s why this works. Why we work.” He’d only been joking, but Eggsy’s heartfelt response did settle a peace over him, as if he’d been unconsciously anxious over how far Eggsy might push him. He never thought Eggsy’d do anything like that, but still, it was nice hearing it put into words.

Eggsy smiled and leaned in for another kiss. “We do work, don’t we? Real well, too. Besides, tigers shouldn’t be kept on a leash,” he teased.

“Damn straight, snap your neck” Dean laughed, “Have to   your ass up.”

“Those the tiger men?” Eggsy asked. “The ones that had all the pet tigers an’ that show till one got hurt, righ’?”

“Kept ‘em, too,” Dean said, “Show was cancelled, but they kept the tiger. Adopted three more, I think. Fucking crazy people.”

“Not any crazier than we are,” Eggsy said with a shrug. “I mean, they kept tigers. We do our… stuff. Huntin' and espionage."

“I guess,” Dean admitted, and took a moment to enjoy Eggsy’s fingers, which hadn’t stopped teasing him. He felt how easy it was for Eggsy to slide three fingers deep inside him, and blushed when he realized how gaping he must be.

Eggsy noticed the blush spreading over Dean’s body and grinned. “Why you blushin’ tiger?” he asked, curving his fingers just so. “Did you finally realize what we’re doin’ tonight?”

“Doing?” Dean gave a small moan, “Didn’t realize you were doing something specific, but I was just-” Dean blushed again, gasping as Eggsy circled his rim, loose and wet, “Just figured I’ve gotta be gaping, and it’s a dirty fucking thought.”

"You said you wanted to see how wide you'd go," Eggsy smirked. "Back at the store. I figured now was as good a time as any."

“Oh, fuck, yes,” Dean groaned, his cock twitching, “Tha’s- That’s a fucking awesome idea. What’re you thinking for tonight? The plug? Or more?”

“I have the plug set. If you wanna do more, then we’ll see later on. But I think you can go to the third one tonight. You’re already so open.”

Dean blushed again, covering his face with his arm. “I’ll have you know, I’ve done my fair share of sleeping around. But fuck, if I don’t feel like the biggest slut when I’m with you. Doesn’t make any damned sense, I know.”

“Mmm, you might be a slut, but you’re my slut,” Eggsy teased, kissing his arm. “Don’t hafta hide away. Love makin’ you blush, tiger.”

“Feels so fucking good, sweetheart,” Dean moaned, moving his arm to his ass, pulling himself just a bit more open. “Like you’re meant to be there.” He wrapped his other hand around the one tucked under his neck and over his chest. “How big’s that last one, anyways?” Dean couldn’t remember, he wondered if Eggsy’d be fisting him before the night was over.

Eggsy shifted, reaching over. “This is the second one,” he said, showing Dean. “Bout what, five and a half inches at the biggest. You had a three inch one in. I’m sure it says on the packaging. The third one is eight,” he said, swapping with the second one to show Dean. “Whaddya think?”

“Think,” Dean moaned, “Think I definitely want to try the third one. Just gotta take it slow, lots of lube, and fuck if I’m not biggest goddamned skank for you.”

Eggsy kissed the back of his neck. “Yeah, but ‘for me’ are the key words there, aren’t they?” he said teasingly. “You’re mine. My tiger, my luv. My boyfriend. My whore, slut, whatever you wanna call yourself. But you’re mine, an’ I love you,” he said, squeezing Dean to his chest for a moment. “All mine. An’ you’re gonna be so fuckin’ open for me, aren’t you?”

Dean groaned again, “Fuck yes. All of it. Every fucking dirty name, and doing anything you want. You fucking know me, almost inside and out, and if a goddamned miracle how fucking perfect you are. Trust you. Completely. And I’ll be anything and everything you want. Fuck myself open wide every night if you want; won’t touch my dick for months if that's what you want. Fucking anything for you, sweetheart, and you know it.” 

“I know it,” Eggsy said, sighing happily. “Make me so fuckin’ happy. Even if we didn’t do this all, you’d make me fuckin’ happy. You’re mine an’ I’m yours,” he muttered, pressing his lips against Dean’s shoulder again, kissing a path up his neck. “Fuckin’ made for each other.”

Dean rolled his hips against Eggsy’s fingers; and they slipped in so easily, so perfectly. He knew he’d need more, and so he asked meekly, “More? Need more if you’re gonna open me up like that.”

“You want the second plug for a little bit an’ we can jus’ lay here?” Eggsy asked.

“Yeah, like that idea. Or I could suck you off in the meanwhile. You think I can’t feel how hard you are? Could be nice and slow, or hard and fast; hell, I could even just give you a hand job. It’s been a few hours for you, know you’ve got to be craving it, the way you’re teasing me.”

“Mm, you know I always want you,” Eggsy said with a chuckle. “How about I lube this up and give it to you. Then I’ll lay back an’ let you choose. Hand job, blow job. Whatever you want. A treat for being such a good tiger.”

“Oh, yes, Sir,” Dean moaned. He was so fucking ready, so brimming with need, and he wanted to fucking have every inch of Eggsy he could taste.

Eggsy pulled his fingers away and slicked the middle plug. "Tell me if you need more," he said and began to press it slowly in, watching Dean accept it. "Fuckin' amazin'. I should take a picture."

Dean couldn’t escape the deep whimpers and aching moans that escaped him. “If you want,” he offered, “Trust you.”

He gasped, babbling through the sensation, “Christ, so fucking good, oh fuck, so wide, need- oh _fuck_ , Sir.” His breath caught as the he felt the subtle burn, the unrelenting way Eggsy rocked the plug into him. He’d take anything Eggsy wanted, do whatever he said, he was dazed and strung out, rapture in his cells, his cock hard and unrelenting, but still stubbornly refusing to come.

"Breathe, tiger. Fuckin' gorgeous, so well behaved for me," Eggsy said. "Almost there. Count out loud to five if you need ta. You gonna come just from this? Or you gonna reach down and fuck your hand till you come again?"

Dean took a deep breath, as instructed, then asked, “Can I? I’m so fucking hard, Sir, I beg you. On you, or just on my hand?” Dean checked, wanting nothing more than to please Eggsy.

"Yeah, tiger. Said you could come as much as you want tonight," Eggsy replied, smiling against his shoulder. "Ready?" He pushed the plug the rest of the way, seating it fully in Dean. "There you go."

Dean cried out, the stretch just a bit wider than he’d be expecting. But in moments it felt fantastic, and he shimmied down to Eggsy’s cock. He started with gentle laps, up and down the length of it, sucking one ball into his mouth, then the other. He teased around Eggsy’s cock, tracing his hip bones with his tongue, then teasing at the crease of his thigh and pelvis. He sucked dark red marks against his inner thighs, then alternated with delicate, barely there kitten licks up the underside of his cock.

Dean wrapped his hand around Eggsy’s cock and then, desperately, as he’d been waiting hours and hours, he sucked him down, deep into his throat and groaned, his ass and throat stretched wide; he was damned whore for Eggsy’s every whim, and couldn’t be happier about it. He tugged carefully at Eggsy’s balls while he sucked, fucking his own throat on Eggsy’s width.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ an' the Virgin Mary Mother," Eggsy gasped out, twining his hands through Dean's hair. "Yeah, luv. Tha's it. Know how to treat me, don't you?"

Dean was lost, overwhelmed by sensation and pleasure, blissfully obedient as he bobbed up and down. He’d all but forgotten about his own cock; indulging himself with Eggsy. He kept a brutal pace, sneaking in quick breaths every few thrusts, and feeling deliciously light-headed as a result. He swallowed around Eggsy’s cock, nearly gagging on it, as he clenched around the wide plug in his ass. He needed about six more Eggsys and they all needed to be fucking him senseless.

“Fuck, Dean. So damned good for me tiger,” Eggsy said, guiding the movements of his head with the hands tugging at Dean’s hair. “Gonna make me come?”

He didn’t even stop to answer, just hummed agreeably, letting Eggsy pull on the short strands of his hair. He rolled onto his side, rolling Eggsy with him, so that he could lay comfortably and give Eggsy full control. There was an exquisite freedom in giving himself up like this, and any discomfort he’d been feeling faded away entirely. The soreness, the slight oxygen deprivation, none of it seemed to matter anymore, not compared to Eggsy.

“So fuckin’ close already,” Eggsy muttered, fucking into Dean’s mouth, thrusting deep enough that Dean was nearly choking. “Gonna come down your throat. Jus’ take it.” He groaned, orgasm welling up and overtaking him.

Dean barely heard the words, but Eggsy’s tone made it clear he’d been given an order. Within seconds, Eggsy was throbbing in his throat, holding his head tightly, and Dean remotely began to realize he hadn’t caught a breath in several seconds. He almost panicked, until he decided that must have been what Eggsy wanted, what Eggsy told him to do, and though his lungs were beginning to burn and tears were falling down the side of his face, he swallowed around Eggsy’s cock after each pulse, feeling a paradoxical euphoria, his hands grasping weakly at Eggsy’s thighs as he subconsciously fought for breath.

Eggsy gave a low moan as he came, going boneless and relaxing into the mattress. He pulled Dean away from his cock as he sensed his distress, tugging him up. “Okay, tiger?” he slurred, pressing a kiss to his jaw, dragging his lips over a tear track. “Breathe, luv.”

It took a few minutes of deep breaths, gasps and panting for Dean’s breathing to go back to normal. His eyes were half lidded and unfocused, but he sported a satisfied grin, making small moans whenever, and wherever, Eggsy touched him.

 


	18. the Best Thing I Ever Knew

Eggsy stroked a hand down Dean’s side, cradling Dean’s head to his chest as he caught his breath. “Gotta be more careful, don't wanna hurt you, tiger,” he murmured, “I gotta be careful.”

Dean shook his head sluggishly, “Feel good. Perfect. Yours. Didn’ hurt me.”

“You sure? Throat doesn’ hurt?” Eggsy asked, petting his hair. “Want some water?”

“Nothin hurts,” Dean answered lazily, “Ready for you, for more. Anything you want, Sir.” He could last forever like this.

Eggsy smiled, bending forward to press a kiss to his forehead. “Drink a little water though, yeah? You know how thirsty you get,” he said reaching out and uncapping a bottle of water on the bedside table. “Here, tiger. Drink some, then I'll play with you. You wanna come again?”

Dean drank half the bottle and handed it back to Eggsy. “How would you like me, Sir?” he mumbled against Eggsy’s skin, slinking back up his body, peppering languishing warm kisses up Eggsy’s chest and teasing at his nipples.

Eggsy chuckled. “You wanna lay on your stomach, luv? I'll give you a massage,” he said teasingly, cupping Dean's face, running a thumb over a bit of dried mess and scraping it off with his nail. “You're so fuckin’ gorgeous, Dean. You know tha’?”

“‘Cause you make me gorgeous; make me pretty,” Dean smiled, rolling onto his belly. His hips shifted against the sheets and he gave a small huff of pleasure. He put his hands under his head, like he’d been told many times before, and waited.

“I don’t make you anything,” Eggsy said quietly, straddling Dean’s thighs and beginning to rub his shoulders, working at the tight muscles. “You already are those things, luv. I jus’ make you see ‘em. Same way you show me things about myself I didn’ know, never coulda been able to figure out without you.”

“Meant you dressing me up,” Dean groaned softly as Eggsy worked the tension from his back, “But kinda true anyways. Can’t believe what no one ever tells you.” Dean wondered if this was what sodium pentothal * was like; carefree, uninhibited, and a compulsion to admit things you’d never actually say.

“Well, in that case I do make you pretty,” Eggsy chuckled. “I love those panties of yours. And the stockings. And those teddies you like to sleep in. Could jus’ stare at you all day.”

Eggsy’s words washed over him, filling him with warmth. His hips rolled gently against the sheets, his muscles clenching rhythmically around the plug, his head like static except for the comfort he felt; the way Eggsy wanted him, cared for him, loved him. “Love you, too,” he muttered happily, having trouble knowing what he heard was only in his head or not.

“Love you, too, tiger. My gorgeous pet,” Eggsy murmured, digging his thumbs into the knots in Dean’s lower back. “You ready to try the bigger plug, luv?”

Dean nodded against the pillow, shifting his hips up and moaning as the current plug shifted delightfully. He waited, for Eggsy to move him, mould him, manipulate him however he saw fit; not having to make a single damned decision for himself.

Eggsy slowly tugged the plug out, rocking it gently back and forth to tease Dean. “You're already so open,” he said, setting the plug aside and pressing three fingers inside, hooking them in search of Dean’s prostate. “Can take four I bet. I'm gonna try, luv,”

Dean didn’t even try to respond with words, just the little gasps and huffs as Eggsy took the plug out, then a low, aching whine as Eggsy’s fingers drifted, teased and fluttered inside him. Dean shuffled up onto his knees, head still buried comfortably in his arms, feeling Eggsy circling his rim, and tried to imagine, eyes closed, how open he must look.

“Four fuckin’ fingers inside you, Dean,” Eggsy murmured, brushing his lips over Dean’s shoulder. “Four. Almost my whole hand.”

“Fuck, Sir,” Dean whined, and finally, to sate his curiosity, he reached back to feel where Eggsy was pressing into him. It was full, _he_ was so full, and he could feel how exposed and spread out he was; his cock dripping onto the sheets. His body trembled and he craved more. More everything. More touching, more deeply, more Eggsy.

“Need more,” he confessed, not sure what exactly Eggsy might give him more of.

“I can give you that third plug, Tiger. Let you feel how wide you go with that one,” Eggsy said, reaching for it with his free hand. “But it might be too small,” he said, pulling his fingers away. “Finger yourself while I watch, luv. Lemme see tha’ greedy hole.”

Dean obeyed instantly, feeling bereft as Eggsy pulled out. He slid three fingers in to start, his back twisting awkwardly, but he didn’t care. “More lube, Sir, please?” he asked; his own fingers not nearly as slick as Eggsy’s were.

Eggsy reached for the bottle and dribbled some directly on Dean’s hole, watching him gasp at the chill. “Cold, tiger?” he asked. “Better warm it up, luv.” He slicked the plug as he watched Dean, ensuring it was well lubricated.

Dean’s fingers thrust inside himself faster, relaxing as the slickness warmed with the friction. He tried, and was able to fit a full fourth finger inside himself, just like Eggsy had. He whined, fucking against his own fingers, completely unaware of how desperate he looked, drunk on lust, pressing in as deeply as he could, feeling the burn as his rim resisted against the width of his knuckles.

“Can't get em all the way, can you?” Eggsy asked. “‘S okay tiger. You're still my good boy. Lemme get this plug in, then we’ll see how stretched you are, yeah?”

Dean kept trying to thrust back onto himself, finding an angle that made him gasp, until Eggsy grabbed his hand and stopped him.

“Gonna hurt your shoulder you keep doin’ tha’,” Eggsy chastised. “C’mon. Hand away,” he said tugging Dean’s fingers out and replacing them with the plug. “There we go,” he said pushing it slowly in.

Dean keened, reaching back to spread his cheeks wide, desperate, “Please, fuck, Sir, stings so good, need more, always more of you.” He wanted to be debauched, used, defiled, violated in every way Eggsy could think of; every fantasy of his he’d never been able to act on dancing through his mind, never knowing the kind of trust he had with Eggsy, never having met a single person he could share any of this with. He eagerly accepted the plug, his whole body melting into euphoria. 

“So fuckin’ good for me,” Eggsy praised, the plug settling in, Dean’s body not even able to close properly around the base. “Gonna take a picture, show you,” he said, wiping his hand off and reaching for his phone. He snapped a picture, then pulled the plug out, taking a few as Dean’s body struggled to emit it, then another showing how gaping he was. “Love you, tiger. Love you when you're like this, behavin’ so good for me.”

“Love being good for you. Only person worth behavin’ for,” Dean gasped, feeling split open wide, then feeling his ass twitch and quiver as Eggsy pulled the plug back out. He could feel the cool air teasing inside him, his knees shook, and he could hear the snap of Eggsy’s camera. His cock leaked further, the occasional drip evolving into a near continuous leak as his mind ignored his body’s aching cries to come.

“Gonna put the plug back in, then want you to roll onto your back,” Eggsy instructed, setting his phone aside and picking the plug back up, reslicking it before pressing it to Dean’s hole.

Eggsy wasn’t nearly as slow this time and Dean whimpered at the girth expanding him ridiculously wide. It was a good whimper, whorish and wanton, and Dean needed absolutely no encouragement to rock back onto it, pressing it into himself, craving the strain. Once in, he rolled onto his back as instructed, thighs open wide, knees open and falling to the side, and waited.

Eggsy grinned down at him. “Been awhile since I got a taste,” he teased, rubbing his palms on Dean’s thighs. “Gonna hold still, lemme make you come with my mouth?” he asked, bending and pressing his lips just below Dean’s belly button, then followed the trail of hair down, nudging Dean’s leaking cock out of the way as he kissed his way around it.

Dean gripped the sheets hard between his fists, desperate to keep still. Coming inside Eggsy sounded like a goddamned delight and he’d be damned if his overeagerness became cause for punishment. “Please, Sir, want to come inside you, Sir, I’ll do anything you want,” he pleaded.

“Wanna come inside me?” Eggsy asked. “Maybe I should tie you down, ride your cock. You want tha’? Or I could jus’.....” He tipped his head, giving the head of Dean’s cock a teasing lick. “Mm….taste so good, tiger.”

He almost arched up, but held himself still; his whole body quivered with need. “An-anything  you- you want, Sir,” he stuttered out.

“Yeah, gonna suck you off tonight,” Eggsy purred. “So responsive tiger. Who d’you belong to, huh? Who loves you?” he asked, nipping the soft curve of Dean’s thigh.

“Yours, Sir, always yours,” Dean gasped hastily. There was no one else, no one who could ever come close, he’d belong to Eggsy til the day he died, heart, mind and soul. “Always you.”

“Yeah you are. Love you so much. Ask for my mouth, luv. C’mon, want you beggin’,” Eggsy said, tongue darting out at the base of Dean’s cock.

“Fuck, please, Sir, I need you; need your mouth, so warm, and your tongue, please let me come, please let me come inside you please, Sir,” Dean begged, his cock twitching whenever Eggsy touched it, the plug constantly shifting with the littlest movements, making sure he didn’t forget that Eggsy was in control of him; all of him.

“All yours,” Eggsy said, then moved his lips to suckle at the head of Dean’s cock before taking his length farther into his mouth, relaxing with a moan as it pressed against the back of his throat. He swallowed, sliding one hand down to tease Dean’s balls and the plug inside him.

Dean cried out, his body hot and oversensitive, yet demanding more and more. Eggsy’s fingers, his mouth, his throat were all bringing Dean higher and higher. There was nothing but the roar of pleasure in his head, and he allowed himself to be played. Eggsy was Jimmy Page, Dean was his guitar, No one played him better and there was no music sweeter.

Eggsy moaned, saliva pooling in his mouth as he worked Dean’s cock, the music of his cries and pleas thrumming in his head.

“Please,” Dean whispered, throat hoarse and scratchy, used and raw.

Eggsy pulled off for a moment, still stroking Dean. “Come for me, tiger. Fill my fuckin’ mouth.” He dove back down, taking Dean’s cock, waiting for the salty burst, knowing Dean wouldn’t disappoint.

Permission was all he needed for the mounting pleasure to come to an all time high, at which point he fell, his orgasm plunging him downwards with all the adrenaline of a bungee jump; the terror and frenzy of free fall, only to be snapped back to reality and the sudden rush of relief spread through his entire body. He nearly screamed, biting hard on his cheeks to keep the noise from escaping and felt boneless, almost removed entirely from his body, the soft bounce back and forth between rapture and release leaving him utterly senseless and nearly incoherent.

Eggsy swallowed with an almost greedy moan, lapping at Dean’s cock until it was clean. He crawled up Dean’s body, and lay his head on his chest, listening to the rapid beat of his heart. “Did real good,” he praised, stroking a hand over Dean’s bicep. “You all righ’?”

He recognized he was being asked a question through the haze, and so Dean simply murmured happily, feeling entirely disjointed from anything but the aftershocks coursing through him. Words were too difficult, thoughts were too difficult, but bliss he could feel in waves.

“‘S okay then,” Eggsy murmured. “You’re just spaced, aren’t you, luv? ‘S all righ’, I got you.” He sat up, reaching for the water and then moved, shifting Dean’s head to his thigh and holding the open bottle to his lips in an unspoken command.

Dean gulped the rest of the bottle, then lay on Eggsy’s thigh, with deep breaths; breathing in the scent of sex and snuggling against him, shifting closer to Eggsy’s cock, inch by inch. His muscles twitched around the plug, each quiver sending added pleasure up his spine, soft sparks of pleasure throughout his body.

Eggsy threw the empty bottle toward the trash can almost lazily, bringing his hand down to stroke Dean’s hair. “You’re bein’ so good,” he said. “God, I sound fuckin’ crazy sayin’ tha’ all the time. Tha’ you’re good. But I can’t think of anythin’ better to say about you. You’re jus’ so good for me, luv. Can’t get enough of you,” he said, voice dropping to a quieter, softer register. “Dunno how I’m gonna wait till Christmas.”

Dean leaned into Eggsy’s hand in his hair, and peppered kisses against Eggsy’s thighs. The world contained nothing but the two of them. Dean lifted his hands to touch him; he wanted to be connected to Eggsy in every possible way, to never let him go.

“Dean,” Eggsy murmured softly. “I want you to do somethin’ for me, yeah? You want my cock?” he asked, brushing a thumb over Dean’s bottom lip. “Just hold it in your mouth, keep it warm, luv. We’re jus’ gonna lay here for a bit.”

Dean registered slowly what Eggsy was asking of him and grinned sleepily. He shuffled himself closer, taking Eggsy’s cock in his mouth, slowly wrapping the rest of his body around and over Eggsy’s legs, and closed his eyes on Eggsy’s thigh. He was aware enough to know that Eggsy didn’t want a blow job, nor even just teasing, but just the warmth of his mouth, and Dean was happy to provide it. Eggsy’s cock was heavy but soft in his mouth, and Eggsy’s fingers in his hair kept him content.

“Tha’s my tiger,” Eggsy praised softly. He reached over, picking up his phone, settling his fingers into a rhythm as they carded through Dean’s hair. He pulled up a book, the first book of the Winchester Gospels, of Dean’s stories, and started to read at the very beginning, settling into the peace of Dean’s heavy weight on his lap and the dimly lit room.

An hour or so later, Eggsy set his phone aside, pulling his hand from Dean’s hair. “Hey. C’mon, tiger. Time to get ready for bed, yeah? All done now. Can you talk to me? Tell me if you’re feeling good?”

“Good,” Dean murmured, pulling back just a bit, “So good.” He nuzzled back into Eggsy’s lap, comfortable, sated, and blissfully empty of stress and anxiety.

“Mm, good, luv. Gotta get up now though. C’mon. I’m gonna get you all cleaned up,” Eggsy coaxed, pushing Dean gently away. “You’re gonna be sticky. I’ll put the plug back in if you want a bath. Don’t think you can stand for a shower,” he muttered. “Meybe jus’ a flannel. Give you a sponge bath,” he chuckled, nudging Dean into a sitting position.

Dean leaned against the headboard, grinning carelessly, rocking his hips to rock the plug inside him, “M good. Like your cock. Love it. Gorgeous. Love you.”

“Dean, can I go to the bathroom for a minute?” Eggsy asked, stroking his hair back with gentle fingers. “Jus’ gonna be righ’ there. Gonna clean you up. You can come with if you want.”

“Think so. Talk to me?” Dean beamed. The sound of Eggsy’s voice rolled down his shoulders, over his body, comforting and fucking splendid.

“Course,” Eggsy said with a smile, getting off the bed. He moved toward the bathroom, keeping up a steady stream of observations about the latest Dr.Sexy episode, knowing that Dean wasn’t really listening to what he was saying, just keeping the comfort of his voice as Eggsy got a clean towel and wet half with warm water. “An’ anyway, I still say the janitor being the undercover cop was jus’ bad plannin’ on their part,” Eggsy said as he stepped out and back over to the bed, beckoning Dean toward the edge.

“Nothin’ wrong with undercover cops,” Dean chuckled, “Get to be one all the time. I’m the maverick. Sammy’s the stick in the mud. ‘M the best one.”

“Bet you are,” Eggsy said, nudging Dean’s legs apart and gently swiping the cloth over his thighs. “You’re the best. Always savin’ people. Saved me,” Eggsy murmured quietly, looking down as he rubbed the cloth in gentle circles. “Wonder if you’ll remember this in the mornin’ tiger. You’re pretty far gone right now.” He leaned in, pressing a kiss to Dean’s cheek. “Turn over,” he said with a grin.

Dean shuffled down with a goofy smile, until his head was on the pillow, then rolled into Eggsy, laughing. Then his smile faded from jovial to sincere, “Save the world, still have time for me. How’d I get so lucky?”

“Cause you got a great arse and it pulled me in,” Eggsy joked, nudging him back onto the pillows. He reached over for the lube, slapping Dean gently on the arse. “Hold still, tiger. Gonna add some more lube. Let you wear this all night, fuck you in the morning. Might use my hand.”

“Mmm, yes, Sir,” Dean moaned happily. “Always ready for you. Keep my collar, too?”

“Yeah, course, luv,” Eggsy said, coaxing the plug out and coating it in lube again, dripping some onto Dean’s hole. “There we go. Back in now, yeah?” He wiped his hands off on the towel, and rubbed Dean’s ass down for good measure before tossing it onto the floor. “You need anythin’ else?”  he asked, rubbing Dean’s back.

“Jus’ you,” Dean muttered, inching closer to Eggsy, then wrapping an arm and leg around him, even though he wasn’t yet laying down. “Yours.”

Eggsy smiled and maneuvered himself onto the bed without detaching Dean, pulling a blanket up to cover them. “Tha’ feel okay?” Eggsy asked, stroking Dean’s neck, petting over his collar. 

“Yeah,” Dean buried his face in Eggsy’s chest, pulling Eggsy tight. He was loved, cared for, accepted for all his faults, all his freakishness. No, not just accepted - embraced, Eggsy loved it about him; he didn’t just tolerate it, he wanted just as much as Dean did.

Dean smiled against Eggsy’s chest, “Yeah, it’s perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * sodium pentathol is what's considered "truth serum," in case you were wondering
> 
> A/N: I'm not a huge fan of the degradation "skank" but Dean canonically says it a number of times. So while I refuse to let him call other people that while I have control of him, I figure it's totally within the realm of him calling himself out his more promiscuous and desperate-for-Eggsy behaviors.

**Author's Note:**

> We've got a blog dedicated to [Dean And Eggsy](http://deanandeggsy.tumblr.com). 
> 
> Eggsy: [Hums-Happily](http://hums-happily.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, and [HumsHappily](http://archiveofourown.org/users/HumsHappily/) on A03. 
> 
> Dean: [phipiohsum475](http://phipiohsum475.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, and [phipiohsum475](http://archiveofourown.org/users/phipiohsum475/) on A03.


End file.
